Who many years do I bear this mental torture...

9 replies, Page 1

Onmytoes 2012-09-28 10:58:40


Dear Friends,

I am working in a MNC, good salary, great boss and everything is good accept a male collegue.

This Collegue X was very good to me before my marriage. I realised he at some point was being too friendly during the same time I got a good marriage proposal and got married. After my marriage as I joined office back, this X had changed. He was behind my life. He would monitor every action of mine -my timings, late comings, shiting position, loo timings. I soon was expecting my 1st child. And I would often be late to office. He started marking mails to all bosses about my late comings. He would just be waiting to point out my mistakes. I several times informed my boss and X several times put his papers and again took them back.

Now its past 10 years, (I am working with the same company). He still tortures by saying all insulting/abusive things indirectly to me. My hubby says I should ignore. But at times I get very frustrated. He is not married so he doesnt understand the problems a working mother of 2 faces managing home and office. Everyday I get a dose of this torture. I feel very helpless but cant do anything.

Then I have another female collegue, she is working under him (new joinee). She is good to me as well to him. She always removes such topics that he starts insulting me. I hate her as well. Coz she talks bad about him behind his back but is very sweet infront of him. What to do?

shoby 2012-09-28 13:38:33


 hai on my toes,

 my simple sugg, plz change ur project or ur dept or at the max. move to another job, it is very difficult in today's world to get a good marriage- hubby, and a peaceful family life when u r a working women, so its better to change ur job if u hv good experience and ur job had a good market potential. i'm saying in the best interest of ur baby as ur moods affects the little ones' also.

all the best


Rubu 2012-09-28 17:30:46


Few things you can do:

1. Make sure you do your work well and make youself indispensable

2. Talk to your colleague that you would appreciate that if he has any concerns to speak to you first rather than sending mass mails.

3. Stop talking to the other female colleague who has joined under him or b very careful.

4. Don't hate, whether you want it or not, it would show outwards. Feeling positive towards a person creates positive vibes which are easy to pick from negative ones.

5. Do not indulge in office gossip at all.

6.Changing jobs comes with its own pressure, u need to prove yourself all over again in a new place which means working additional hours.

7. Ignore and don't get too bothered, make sure you work around 8 hours atleast so that there is less finger pointing.

8. I m a working mother of 3, and I try to put around 9 hours consistently everyday.. So yes, as long as your work is great you hv nth to worry.



Onmytoes 2012-09-28 17:44:06


Thanks shoby & Rubu

I wont be able to leave this job coz now a days getting a new job is very difficult. Hmm, I am doing my job perfectly, dont gossip at all, dont even look at that irritating man,dont reply to his silly mails. BUT!! He keeps triggering me. Anyways, God is there & some day I hope he pays for his sins.




 Former member 2013-05-23 14:59:01



I dont know much.. but i have heard that every company has a follow up rule.

Strict action can be taken against anyone who tortures you or abuses you mentally,physically or verbally.

Why dont you check about this with someone at a higher position???


ShaliniPrabhu 2013-06-04 10:52:10



As long as your boss is satisfied with your performance, coming late to office should not be a problem. but try to stick to office timings.

Make your life simple like appoint a cook till you go for maternity leave, arrange a cab ratherthan traveling in public transport you will have enough time and peaceful mind...

This suggestion may not directlly relate to your problem of the X guy. But you will have a clear mind to handle the issue, if your mind is cluttered with rush work at home as well as in office ur mind will not work. 

First free up your mind, then you see when the problem comes next time, you will give left and right to him (in a diplomatic way). 


sponnah 2013-06-04 14:52:25



We can always control ourselves, but not others actions. So my simple and sincere suggestions are

1. Ignore the idiot. Once he understands his actions are not yeiding any result, most likely he will stop. So don't show much concern infront of other colleagues. If you want to speak to your boss or other about this, try to have a one to one. Don't bring it up in open meetings.

2. If this person involve too much in profession and job, being in an MNC you will have redressal forums harassment where you can take up this matter.

3. Build a good rapport with your boss and other project stake holders and finish your works as commited. Get a buy in from them about your deliverables and not on how much time you spend in office or at desk.

4. Since you are very much comfirtable with the current job, no point in changing the job for the same of this jerk. Settling down and balancing will be a challenge since you need to take care of your children as well.

 Best of luck.


MaggieM 2013-06-04 15:31:23


 This is for all working women - please do not ignore such behavior!

Most MNCs, as well as Indian companies have an Ethics Helpline, where an employee can raise a complain against such issues - without disclosing your identity. The incidents mentioned here are harassment, and if you have all the proof including emails, you can always escalate it. And it is easier as you are not reporting into this jerk! 

All the best!


naresh601 2013-06-06 17:28:32



We all understand your problem but what I don’t understand is why you are tolerating him from these many years...Strange

First of all IGNORING is the first positive sign you are giving it to that “X” fellow, try to implement the below mentioned points if you like...

1. First Speak to your immediate manager about X and his behavior with you, also inform him that you will be speaking to Human resource department

2. Speak to your HR Manager about this problem and inform Him/her that you will be speaking to your company's attorney for professional legal advice if your problem continues

3. Save all your mails from "X" for your proof, don’t worry about your work timings it does not matter since your delivery head is happy with your work (you should develop a very good rapport with your head)

I hope this will help




prikrish 2016-10-25 19:13:11



1. Ignore the person who questions you
2. Always stay positive and read lot of good books if you get time. As your mood now will be your kids' character later. Just remember that and create a positive room for your thoughts.
3. I completely agree that if someone annoys you every time, but, he is not your life's priority. Now your priority is to be healthy and give birth to a healthy child.
4. Just concentrate on your priorities. I hope that your senior officials could understand he first/second trimester challenges a women should go through. So you can ignore what he says in public as well.
5. Also I suggest not to move to other company/project as the project experience will help you in getting maternity leaves and LOP leaves.
6. I wish you a happy life and take good care of your health. Because its only you, your family and your future.


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