Mother in law problems

74 replies, Page 1

NJ 2009-11-13 14:25:28

 

What are the problems you face with with your mother in law. Please share.

Mine are:

1. The most irritating of them all for me - she is trying to take over my child!. Tries to keep her with him when I come home from work. Tries to make him long to go to her by standing in front of him and calling him frequently

2. Lack of privacy. She rules the kitchen and most of the house

3. Keeps nagging my husband about all her problems that he is mostly very thoughtful when he comes to home and not much of speech between us(Infact when she was away for 6 months at her dters place, my hub was very cheerful and we spent a lot of quality time together)


palluk 2009-11-17 15:58:08

 

Hi NJ,

I am also in same kind of situation . When I leave to office my son cries so badly, i feel so bad, but leave him helplessly, but when I am at home he is ever happy. Even my mother In law does the same way as your mother in law does. Its really frustating I can under stand. She always wants people in the house follow her strict military rules. 

But understand that she is an elderly person, Elder people demand lot of attention from every one ans try dominate daughter in laws because they have possesiveness on house control and her children. They feel insecure to even accept that it now our turn to take care of house. I feel so thankful to my MIL somnetimes for taking care of son sometimes and I feel annoyed and bad for leaving my son with her who just belives in dominating. She always proves that my son also listen to her  and
I argue with her, she will make a hell out of it.... So I am also in the same boat... But one day will come they will realize what they are doing........

 

 

papiya 2009-12-06 01:33:23

 

hey i always c mil is stabbing me politically

 

srija 2009-12-06 14:31:17

 

Hi,As a old lady in the house, she always prefers to go against our wishes which includes her decision against preparing tiffin etc.  If we all decide to have Poori or chpati as our menu, she will say Idli or dosai wd be ideal.  So also in the case of my selecting saree etc. If I want to select and wear a green silk saree, she will irritate me saying that i should choose blue only.  What an irritating MIL she is. 

The intrusion never ends with this.  When we decide to take our son to a Doctor, she wd say Homeo medicine or kashayam wd be enough to cure the problem. If i am late just by half an hour or so from returning from my office, I can surely anticipate a battle at home.  So, the incidents are endless and rather it wd consume more of my time and your time (by reading this).   No way except to get along with this way of life.  No solution, huh.

My husband also does not pay heed to these things coz he thinks it is not that big issue to worry about..but wat i have listed is just few ...there are lot more things which are like this...and which cannot be listed....

I feel i am treated like someone who is not at all important and my presence does not make any difference in teh family..i feel pathetic when i think this and sometimes i feel like running away somewhere..

 

 

 

 

 

NJ 2009-12-06 15:40:01

 

srija, I am completey with you on what you are going through. you can write everything about your mil here. I started this thread for that purpose. It feels a lot better when you are able to speak about your problems than bottle it up.

I sometimes feel if I have made the wrong decision since my hub told me before marriage itself that my mil would be staying with us.. But that time I was too young and naive to realize... If you can persuade your hub to stay in another house but closer to them if he wants, then that will be best. It will give you a lot of peace of mind and lot of space having the whole house to yourself.

 

srija 2009-12-07 09:13:42

 

Dear NJ,

Thanks for your soothing words. More or less, u have reflected what I thought I should do.  but I am sure my husband will not ok such a decision.  I think I have to get along with the present way of life for some more time.  Lemme hope there should be light after a tunnel.  With this ray of hope, i think i have to live..........hope things change atleast after my son grows up....

 

 

 

 

 

NJ 2009-12-08 18:03:28

 

I havent faced issues with sil probably coz she stays very far and comes at most once a year only. I guess one way is if you can help it is avoid going as much as possible to mils place or just ignore your sil's presence completely.

 

 Former member 2009-12-30 14:24:51

 

I dont understand that why MIL always try to attract attention. They had their chance of running household when they were young. Now they should give us chance to run it. anyways , to err is human so they shouldnt make a scene out of it when we make mistakes

 

dm 2009-12-30 15:15:34

 

Hi All

I am facing problem with both mil and sil both. Though both my sil are married , but they still interfer in all family decision and they rule and win the battle after all they are daughters.

The problem that I face with my mil is that she doesnt give space to me and my hubby. To going our for dinner, no gng out for long weekend, no cooking food that i like, no taking gifts for each other, all no,no and noooooooooooooooooo privacy or private life, no watching fav movie /tv channel.

Though she take care of my daughter whn I am at work, put i am not happy with the way she does that.My in-laws never used to stay with us first it was only after my kid was born they came and I now repent for my decision

 

ritumum 2010-01-20 10:53:14

 

Dear Frds,

Just as our MIL complaints about our behaviour to our hub we also do the same and get into a position where situation turns very bad.

Earlier I use to live with my in-laws but now i am living separately. It happened because I could not cope up with situation and since I was pregnant at that time, I felt it will put bad effect on my unborn child. The only problem with me was that i could not communicate my feelings to My MIL. And my SIL added to it by giving wrong assumptions and meanings to it.

But still I feel if we could have lived in a joint family it would have been much better than what it is now.

My MIL is very strict about timing, cleanliness and also her love for her son is so much deep that she cannot take that somebody come's in between them. Whenever she used to have fight with her son ie my hub she always blamed me for that and said bad words to me. She is little bit old fashioned and likes to be greeted every time. But the thing which I know is that she is very good at heart.

I would like to tell you some facts.MIL's always want that their son to remain there son and they shouldn't become our husband. But in this assumption they forget that we are married to there son and whether they want or not we still will be there DIL.

The only suggestion from me will be to involve her so much in your decisions that one day she should say herself that its enough, you are not kids anymore, you should take your decisions by yourself and dont ask me.

Nobody asks you to do as they MIL's want, just give them the attention they want and you will really feel that they will turn out to better than what they are.

And never to forget one day we all will also become MIL and that day if similar treatment is given to us even we will find it difficult to face it.

So be nice to your MIL because she is just like your mother and as mothers have right to love as well as scold she too has the same rights.

 

NJ 2010-01-21 10:08:28

 

ritumum, Thanks for sharing.  I think by the time we all become mils, there will be very less joint familys around and it will become more like in the west.

I feel that if I become a MIL someday, I will not stay with my children and their spouses, period. The couple need to create their life together and should have their privacy and should be able to live freely and take whatever decisions they want in their own house. If they need any help, I shall be always there, but I would never live with them together.

My grandmom and mom, though they are widows, they dont stay with their sons families. They are independent. I plan to follow the same.

 

shwetzsuraj 2010-04-15 18:11:52

 

Wowow....a gr8 plaz to pour out our dislikes abt a single women...Hahaha...I thrgly enjoyed reading all your messages...especially few nice quotes from NJ in her initial postings;);)

 

swiftarchu 2010-06-30 16:59:17

 

hi NJ and srija,

its me too in the same situation.. My MIL also irritates me a lot... she only takes care of my 15m old son when I goes to office.. taking this as an advantage she is doing all sorts of non sense.. even my hus lives in coimbatore and me in chennai.. we used to meet once in a week and she won't let me to talk freely with my hus. when I go and talk to my hus for a min the next sec she will call me and ask me to do some work... I have also told this to my hus but he doesn't seem to support me.. as NJ says there should b a light at the end of the tunnel... so waiting to see the ray of light...

 

 

 Former member 2010-06-30 19:43:44

 

hi shwetzsuraj,

nice to hear tht u cheers on others sad feeling.Oh poor lady,y dnt u understand tht ppl r here 2 share their feelings n to spread happiness.

Try to console ppl by ur words...

Hope u understand wht i wnt 2 say...

 

 Former member 2010-06-30 19:46:00

 

Hwz life NJ???hav patience...situation wil improve day by day..

 

 

Nutank 2010-08-13 17:19:26

 

My MIL adores my 13 mnth son and takes care of him while I am away at work. She manages to cook, though I have insisted on keeping a cook and a baby sitter as she cannot run around my son.

My MIL too dominates and changes the mood of the house. She creates a gloomy atmosphere in the house. But luckily she was not with us from day one, only from the time when i was pregnant. My mom is very sickly and cannot offer any help. So I have depend on MIL.

I cannot have everything in this world

 

2986 2010-09-13 19:06:57

 

hi all,

am too in the same situation. now i understood that all the m-i-l are similar but my mil is somewhat different she thinks that she is still younger and cant stop saying that im too young to get daughter-n-law.  she refuses to take me to parties and family related functions even with my hubby, many times i asked her but the situation repeats. its funny but it hurts me. now u can think of such young mil (she feels) behaviour. she likes privacy in this age but for her son and me its not possible becasue of her.

thanx for this discussion now i feel a bit better sharing this

 

PS1982 2010-11-02 15:20:47

 

Hey NJ...thanks for starting this thread to vent out !!!!!

 

believe me ladies its always gud to vent out ur feelings than bottling them up and keep suffering for ages....my mom did d same...she had a pathetic m.i.l and super joint family...with altered egos and no maternal home (my nana & nani died wen she was just 26) ... i dint know how she survived all these yrs..... she nvr cried, crib or complained...i nvr knew viciousness of the ppl around her...and always blamed her for her tough behaviour....:( :( now tht i have lost her...i understand wotta bitter life she had...and how bravely she lived it....

but ppl...its not worth it....now tht i have lost her...i understand....women need to speak up wot they think is rite....u have got only one life after all, dont waste it on someone stupid!!!

 

vinalchawla 2010-11-02 18:57:18

 

3 cheers for NJ for starting this thread....

well to start with, i dont stay with my in laws as i had made it clear to my hub before marriage tht joint families are not my cup of tea...but they do visit us 3-4 times in a year & make a hell of my life...

i come from a nuclear family & my mom expired of breast cancer , 2 months before my 9th b'day....but i had 3 elder sisters to take care of me...so i never missed my mom untill i got married...wen i had to face my MIL....

wen i got married, my inlaws visited us asap...my MIL used to be like an inspecter for each & everything...i knew cooking since the age of 16, so tht wasnt the probs, but we cooked in less oil & my inlaws ate only fried foods, so the criticism started from there only...it was like if i used a mixer, she wud say u shd do by hand & if i did by hand , she wud say y r the machines made & it went on....

another probs was they did not want me to visit my parents without their consent..imagine they wud tell ask ur dad to call us & take permission for ur going at ur dad's place...i used feel so bad for my dad as he stays all alone after my marriage, since all sisters of mine are also married, & on top of it i had to take permission & all tht...

during my 1st pregnancy, we never called them for help, but they CAME...u know wat they said wat will ppl say tht we did not even visit our DIL wen she was pregnant... & wen they came hell broke loose...my MIL wud never enter in kitchen & i had to cook for them too...& at delivery time it was my dad , aunt & sister & my hub dear  who ran from pillar to post...

now m pregnant again, & they posing new probs for me poisoning my hub's ears & making a hell for me again...i have too much vomiting & my bp goes low, so they came for few days , but since my MIL had to cook & all, she went away in a week throwing tantrums & said my hub tht ur wife doesnt respect us & want us to toil in kitchen for her....

it was good to vent out my feelings, as i cant share this wth anyone & at this stage, cant take much of stress also...

thanx all of u...

vinal

 

PS1982 2010-11-03 23:03:55

 

Hey Vinal, u r one brave woman.....!!!

lemme tell u, u r not alone...all MILs r same...do vent out wenever u want to....we all r here for u.....

dont let anybody ruin ur wonderful days... no one absolutely no one can make u happy or sad widout ur permission....!!!

dont give tht right to anyone!

 

takcre!

 

vinalchawla 2010-11-07 20:12:01

 

hey PS1982,

thanx a lot...

u r right no one has this right.....

but it hurts wen someone u love the most also ruins everything....

 

 

PS1982 2010-11-13 20:17:26

 

in dat case....love urslef....above everyone else....and nvr let urself down :D !

 

preethi12345 2010-11-26 12:01:23

 

now im 6 months pregnant..we stay with in laws..me not gettin along well with MIL from beginnin itself..she has abused me..me also spoke in anger with disrespect to her..MIL is now trying to separate us permanently...asking her son to decide whether to live wit me or not..my husband now wants me to leave the job..he doesnt show any love/affection towards me though im pregnant..im very depressed stressed ..dont know how to handle the situation..im with my parents now..pls help

 

minny 2010-11-26 12:26:43

 

 Hey Preethi,

Jst calm down.whtever u do bt plz try 2 keep ur husband on ur side.try 2 talk 2 him separately.Tel him tht u've tolerated ur MIL's bad behaviour jst coz u respect ur hubby.dnt talk abt such issues if he's tired or depressed.if u cn go to sum other place with ur hubby thn it wud b better.Men do such thngs..in ths situation, any lady wud feel very bad.is there anybdy who cn convince ur husband??ur husband near n dear??anmybdy?/thn tel him 2 talk 2 ur husband in ths matter.Convince ur Husband tht ur father spend life with ur mother (his wife) nt with his mother.wht kind of lady she is who wnts separate her son n daughter-in-law??n hw a husband cn tolerate ths??try to talk polietly with ur husband n make ur point clear.bt avoid an argument.whn u feel bad "jst thnk of God" n enchant Shlokas.it wil giv u relief.

 

chiins 2010-11-26 15:09:18

 

 Hi all,

Its been 31/2 years we got married from the first year i have problem with all of his family members...But the only thing i did and my husband taught is be patient...

If u be patient the things w`ll automatically get it ur side....for me it cliked...try it and see...

 

 

vinalchawla 2010-11-26 18:55:42

 

hey prithi,

i know it mustb really difficult time for u....cos i went thru same sme time back & m too 4 months prgnant & already have my 1st child...

tell me do ur parents support u?? is there anyone in ur family who can talk wth ur hubby...i know wen the hubbies are poisioned, they r just not in listening mode esp wth wives...was ur hubby not ready for ur pregnancy?? if he was reminf him of tht & if not thn make him understand y its imp for u...

u have a job, so b thankful tht theres smthing where u can divert urslf....dont lve ur job unless u cant do it physically wise...

my hubby had turned a deaf year to me 2 months back wen my inlaws poison his ears agsinst me, but in my case my elder sis talked wth my hubby frankly & made him understand tht this is the time wen i need him the most & he shd support me...thanfully he understood & things r much better now...but my inlaws r still angry wth me & not talking to me...lets c how o tackle wth tht now...

all the best & yes keep faith in god...do smthing tht u like & have a healthy pregnancy...

vinal

 

mahek 2010-11-27 14:17:45

 

if you really shufffle the word mother-in-law, you would find it exactly why they behave like this.....

answer is:  woman hitlar.....

 

 

 

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