How do you discipline children - 2 to 5 year olds

My daughter is yet to turn 2 (next month, actually), but then, I think I can post here :)

What I follow are as follows

1) Decide on things which are un-acceptable first. There is no point in objecting to everything as kids will be kids and we need to allow them some freedom. And come to an agreement on the same with others residing in the house so that the same is followed by everyone so as not to confuse the kids.

2) Use a strict tone and clearly communicate when they do the un-acceptable. Let them know what they have done is un-acceptable. Kids will know automatically every change in our expression and mood. Nowadays, the moment she looks at me, she knows she has done something wrong. Meet them eye to eye and talk to them firmly.

3) Ask them to say "I am sorry and shall not do so again". Do not allow them to get diverted till that is said. 

4) When she cries and insists on getting her way sometimes, I tell her that crying will not get her anything. I simply do not oblige when she cries to get what she wants.  Employ the same as before and meet her to eye while communicating. Instead, if she asks me politely by saying "Please", only then do I give heed to her requests.

5) It is also important to guage the mood of the child before employing these with the kids. Sometimes, if kids (this age specifically) are cranky due to hunger/sleep, then there will be no use negotiating or disciplining them. It simply shall not work, atleast in my experience. Only distraction will help and of course attending to the root cause of the crankiness.

6) Other than these, generally prompting for "please" and "thank you" appropriately. Teach them basic manners and implement them as a day to day practice. The main thing is we following them. Kids follow us and learn from us automatically. Now, my daughter welcomes if some one comes home and she invites others to our home when we leave from someone else's place.

7) Involving her in the houes-hold work in small ways like keeping her sipper back in the kitchen, putting back her toys in the designated place etc.

8) And, she is still young to think about time-outs, but I am undecided on that. Am not sure if they should be used or not.

Would love to hear from others as well.

Hi,

I am worried on some of the issues and need help/advice from other parents/mothers here for desciplining my 3yr old daughter....

My dot never wants to keep her toys etc in place and enjoys throwing things arround. She does it more if we try to tell her not to do it. She does not yeild to any amount of scolding or stern talk. She wud just cry on it and let it pass but repeat the same thing again.

Whenever she goes to her friends mostly next door neighbor's kids she makes a big scene whenever I have to get her back, and thats usually quite late in the evening. She does not want to come home at all and screams, yells and starts hitting me if I try to force her to come back home. It really puts us in a very awkward situation.

Can someone give me suggestion on how to handle the two issues above I wud be really thankful.....

M

Hi ML,

Avoid scolding her or talking sternly to her. In my experience, that never works initially. To keep the toys back, the first few days, you do it along with her. You will end up putting most of the toys back initially. But that is okay. Even if she puts in one or two, encourage her, praise her for having helped you. Make it a daily practice and establish a routine. Slowly, gradually, over the weeks, make her put back more and you guide her and do less. This has worked for me. The key is patience and routine. For some kids, it might take longer. But make it part of the routine.

Regarding the second point, when she refuses to come home with you, giver her other options if she comes back home with you. Tell her you will play with her, or sing to her, put on some good music or give her some favorite cookies that she likes, or may be that you will take her to park the next day. Anything that she likes. ALso, make sure that you do what you say when she does come home. We have to keep up to our promises to our kids. And again, priase her for the good behaviour when she does come home. Probably give her some stars/points based on good behaviour. Accumulate the points for a week or a day and then reward her with what she likes based on the number of points collected so far.

On the whole, encouragement, patience, distraction and fun works with kids. Forcing will not always help. When matters get worse, I always rely on distraction. Distracting them completely from the current topic restors normalcy soon and then we can revert back to the topic again and it won't be so bad then.

ALL the best and hope this proves useful.

Lavanya

Hi,

When there are a variety of toys,then first classify it.I classify the toys and have different containers or bags for it.For eg one for puzzles,one for kitchen sets,one for educational toys etc.,what i do is i give them only one at a time.If they want to play with kitchen set(u can ask her which one she wants first,this improves her decision making skills) then i give only that,after they r bored and ask for a different set of toys,then i ask them to put the first one in place,so that they can go for the second one and so on...............This has helped me out very well.

Regarding ur daughter refusing to come back home:What is her favourite activity for the day?(watching a cartoon,colouring,reading story books(u can read to her),playing with her favourite set of toys etc.,)Observe and u can allot time(purposely) for that after her coming back home from her friends place.If there is any favourite snack for her,make a list of all those and the snack time could be the one after she comes back home.

Best!