Getting back together .... After a divorce ?

3 replies, Page 1

Amarthefather 2016-09-21 10:27:14

 

hi 

i joined in recently and see some good quality of responses, hence sharing my issue with you guys. 

We had a love marriage but after 3 yrs , we got divorced after my wife had an affair with her boss. Since 2009 I have been raising my kid , who as 2 yr old then, with some good support of family. 

As as per the court order my ex wife has visitation rights for every Saturday, so on grounds that she happens to be a mother we have been allowing her to meet our son. 

Since last 8-9 months she has been asking to think of coming back together again for the sake of our kid.  I do feel sorry when I hear what she feels about being away from the kid but the hurt caused in the entire process is still there. 

The question here is would it be a good idea to come back together again when there would trust issues and past hurt? Can I or should I give her a benefit of doubt and try to start over again? I would not want history repeating again as it would be bad for our kid. 

Awaiting your insight....

thanks 

amar 



funmum 2016-09-26 10:26:11

 

Hi Amar

its brilliant to know you. i have accepted your request

Lets play a SWOT Test to analyze this issue
1) Strengths 
a) you know your wife 
b) you know the triggers
c) you know the background 
d) you know the motivations that would drive the marriage or break it again
2) Weakness
a) because you are hurt in past - you wont let go of the hurt (which you should)
b) you may use the past against her 
c) just as you know your wife with her weaknesses - she knows you too
3) opportunities
a) you (i assume) must be in mid 40s - which makes you extremely vulnerable - its really sad to be lonely, and you may seek company
its better to be connected to someone you know - rather than have a new partner who will have adjustment issues with your son & so will your son.
b) you may use this opportunity to correct what may have gone wrong , to start with - be friends with her (if not marry)
c) use this opportunity to be closer to her & the son,,, you were a unit once. if your son is close to her emotionally - he is only going to thank you 
d) there are lesser chances of getting hurt , be respectful - but not an emotional fool. use this opportunity to start over again. i think its worth the shot.
4)threats
a) wife may misuse this opportunity to cheat again (if she is a compulsive cheater)
b) wife may take charge of life that you were leading 

now weighing the pros and cons - i think the pros are outweighing the cons.
i think - time is the biggest healer. 
understand & try to find out how she spent these last 7 years
time transforms, age brings in calmness & maturity.
you dont have to push the marriage down each others throats. 
i think just start with meeting her alone.... just teh two of you. find out if things (she) has changed.
go for a drink.
involve her & son in little things that you three would do - just the three of you. 
marriage & companionship are two dramatically different things
two married people need not be companions & two companions need not be married
try to strike that balance. 
and be sincere - dont be serious abt anything
and my last but definitely not the least of advice for you would be
if you are starting you have to wipe out the past. only if you have the courage to do it - go ahead . else you will keep bringing the past & use it against her . dont do that . 
i am available on 
meettanvi82@yahoo.com











 

abidmasthan 2016-10-29 17:07:24

 

super  funmum . glad to see your response. thank you.
 

Vasumathi1234 2017-03-29 08:37:29

 

Hi funmum

              check ur mail id which u have mentioned in ur chat  plzz

 

 

All Rights Reserved Copyright © 2008-2019 Parentree