Problem in a family starts just bcoz of this MIL

6 replies, Page 1

Divi2014 2014-02-25 22:50:57

 

Hi frnds,

Really feel like cry ... hmm which i use to do everyday in my life. In my life a day ends with crying only , for which my husband never bothers. he is such cruel when it comes btw me & his mom.

i dono in what way i'm least to her... i feel like sharing with some1, but i dont have a person to share with ... at that time, i felt this is a best way to say things, atleast i feel a little bit free in doing this...

MIL is a biggest prob for a married women... I'm married at 4 yrs back , from the day 1 im suffering bcoz of my husband's family.... eventhough my MIL is not with me, she runs my own family over a phone with my husband.. he is complete mother sick , who does obeys his mother's words alone.....

B4 marriage i worked with a reputed company which i got through campus interview, it was my first and the best company which i worked with, but that didnt lost for a long time, i was tortured a lot by my husband to leave the job within 4 mons aftr marriage, i did as per his wife, left the job, but still had the same old passion to study and work... i struggled a lot and finished my PG aslo evn now im doing my 2nd PG, but when i sit alone and think , why i study...???????????? a very big question mark , no use of my studies my experience ... i have a daughter who is jst 2 & half yrs old, i dont have my MIL's support to take care of her.... 

ppl can question y not ur mom, she can take care,,,,, I'm from very middle class family, my mom's family can survive only with my mom's income, so she have to work and suffer , and my husband is not ready to accept me helping my parents... and my MIL , she is a well to do person.. she can help me , but she will never do... she stays at her native and me here... and one time , i begged her a lot , and made her to stay with me and asked her help to take care of my kid.. she agreed so , i searched for another job after a 2 yrs break , came to the same salary which i received in my 1st compy. just in a months time she started showing her color...

i worked with a early morng shift 5.. so i have to get up and ready and pack my breakfast and lunch... atleast i have to wake up at 3 ...i cook and keep for all and go and i reach home at 8 or 9 at nyt due to work stress as i was fresher and ppl in my off also make me to work for them also... hmm even there i suffered , but  i adjusted it, nyt i come and prepare dinner also.. but 11 or 12 will go for slp, she does nothing to me, but simply sits at home and show off that she take care of that 1 and half year baby, but the thing which she does is , she sits and watch all the serial and my baby will simply sits and watch that ... is this the way... but she changes all when she sees her son(my husband)....

all these things happend only for 20 days, even this life my MIL was not able to live, bcoz she is fond of going out a lot and dress up for  functions, this was the thing which she missed a lot...

so on 21st day , it was usbaa saturday, i still remember the scene which happened an 1 and half yrs back... i woke up at 6, my baby was sleeping near me, but my husband was not there, i thought he woke up and having his coffee, i hurried up and went out of the room, i was shocked to see, my husband was neatly dressed up , i asked him where he started so early , he didnt relpy, then my MIL & FIL came out of their room with a travel bag... i asked where are u going , she replied she is going to elder son's house who stays jst 5 kms from my house.. i nodded my head asked y u carry a big travel bag instead of taking a set of dress for tomorrow alone, for that , i dont like to say her as MIL also , a worst lady, said she goes there and will go to her native on monday morng, and train is at 8 , i immediately reacted by saying, i have off on monday morng, for which my husband replied my mom s not able to be here bcoz she is not respected properly here so she is leaving , i asked immediately asked to him, what happens to my baby, who will take care, for that , all these ppl replied as put her in a creche if ur mom cannt take care... i shouted at my husband as "Are u not ashamed of saying this, this is ur kid not only mine, what was the work and how u say that ur mom is n0t given repect,,, for that she immediately replied tat, i have my own house at native, which i have to take care, for that i immediately asked u agreed and came here na, then y do u change up things, i was not responded properly, they left the place without answering me, even my husband...

at this situation , i called up my mom and cried a lot saying this, my mom rushed up & came to my house & i cried and decided to break up the relationship , but my dad didnt agree as we are a very middle class ppl and also i was not able to do it bcoz i loved my husband more than anythg , eventhough ours is a arrange marriage...
me and my mom cried, cried , cried then my mom said, we dont have anybody's support , i'm a single child , i dont have a shoulder to cry nor to ask a brother to help me out in this situation, i waited for my husband till tuesday , i informed my off that im feeling ill and will not be able to come to off, on wednesday he came , i spoke to him but he didnt respond , he packed his  things and i raised up my voice by asking what are u doing, for that he responded that things are not going work out between us, and will break up, 



divinepower 2014-02-26 17:38:05

 

Hi 
Luks like ur in a situation i was ..3 yrs ago !!

I suggest for now..be calm..,dont react..as it will always lead to wrong decision..
Dont  leave ur job.,thts most important to be independent...
Let d matter cool down..then try talking to ur husband cooly..speak abt  the kids future n abt gud times u hav spent...dont blame his mom.,as he seems to b mamma's boy...
First n most imp is setting ur family life on track.,concentrate on ur hubby ..first gal...

Always rememver mamas boys dnt tokerate  bad thibgs avt moms even if they r wrong..

U hav a kid .,,so fr now try to sort out things between u both first..as u see kids are most affected wen parenrs fight or separate :(
Dobt b dependent on anyone ..fr now chck out gud creche near ur officce...
Dont loose hope...prayers  n faith  is also very imp to remain sane !!




 

Rubu 2014-02-27 12:15:56

 


How can you not see dear Divi. the power lies in your hands. Why beg and expect others to take care of our children. when God gives the strength to a mother itself to raise a child.

I was in a similar situation with 3 small children at hand. my youngest was just 18 months. I went to work, believed in the power that things will work out for me. I searched for a maid on my own. She is still with me 3 years on. I walked on streets, asked each shop keeper and at all gates asking who can take care of my 3 lil ones. All less than 5 years old.

I think you are wrong here. First learn to love. When we love we can give a lot more. I learnt to love my mil, and as i changed myself I saw her change too.Complaining to husband about mil is the worst thing you can do. Stay calm. Apologize if you are wrong . Questioning and talking upfront in front of elders is not acceptable behavior. I can never question my husband in front of his parents. I talk to him quietly.

Expecting them to take care of your child is not acceptable. It selfish to expect grandparents to take care of your children. You need to consider other options like creche, or a full time maid at home.

I never asked anyone to take charge of my children and neither I would. cause I believe that I have the strength to do it on my own. Find a solution which does not revolve around other people. When you take away expectations from others, you will find yourself less burdened and plagued. its easy to feel like a victim but there is always a way out.

Always a right way out. And breaking up is never a solution.. As that is a new problem to tackle.

Have more patience with elderly people. They need to be understood. There is a generation gap in the way we and elders think. So learn to have patience in all situations in life. Golden rule number one: IF you are angry, don't talk. if you feel you would end up talking, sit dwn or lie down. If that doesn't cool you down, then take a shower. And yet if you find you are angry go for a walk.... but reacting immediately results in wrong decisions.

Rubu




 

Divi2014 2014-02-27 16:42:39

 

Hi RUBU & U miss ...( divinepower),

Thanks for spending your time in reading what i typed... when i typed theses above things, i typed by thinking noone has the time or patience to read this, but im suprised to see you both helping me in giving a suggestion out of ur own experiences...

Sure frnds, day b4 yday i was in a position of doing nothing, but then sat calm and decided like what u ppl said .... Yes, i located one creche for my dear, and now in search of the job, if i get the jobs that are in shifts then i will do as u frnds said as "helping a maid at house to take care of my dear"...

Thanks for u both...

Pls do stay in touch with me in all ups & down for guiding me like this... will sure post my happiness also sooon....

Divi....
 


sachpreet 2014-03-18 12:14:54

 

I read your whole post & wanted to write.But there were some problems with my account.But Rubu has wrote everything which i wanted to write.First thing i want to tell you take charge of your life.The more you react,more you cry ,more you will remain victim of situations around you & vice versa.Stay happy with your little one.These years of your daughter's life will never come back.Some lines of your post are same just like i feel.Stay positive.
 

vandand79 2014-03-25 16:46:51

 

Hi all,c

There are so many women in the world who are very caring, loving and are concerned about their daughter in law. those DILs are lucky.  I was not the lucky one but now I feel I too had made some mistakes.  From my personal experience I tried to form an opinion that when a lady thinks that she is a MIL and has all right to boss her DIL, the DIL has to behave like a typical bahu, the relationship starts with a negative thought and this creates a bad image in the mind of a DIL. Come what may the DIL will not be able to share her thoughts with the MIL.  The gap expands and then the relationship gets strained. Love and care is required in all relationships and more so in the MIL - DIL because a girl leaves her family and starts living with a totally different family after marriage. If the ppl around her always do bad things how will she accept them.  The same applies to a DIL. Its both ways.  Taali dono haathon se hi bajti hai.  Not all ladies understand this and that's why the saying goes - ek aurat hi aurat ki dushman hoti hai.  I am not writng this to discourage anyone but just to share my views.  And the takeaway I will always suggest for all those DILs who suffered for no fault of theirs is that when we become MIL, we will not repeat this to our DILs. MIL - DIL relationship can be a sweet mother daughter relationship if the so called society doesn't influence or the customs don't force it as a boss and subordinate one and above all both understand each other's feelings. 

 

param27 2016-01-03 13:44:23

 

how r alll
 

 

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