Everywhere i see In laws In laws In laws, the root cause of the problems in marraige comes because of the In laws. We women get married and come to a new house with the expectation of just being accepted by the family for what we are. I never cooked never cleant never did dishes or put clothes to wash but still when i got married i was automatically suppose to know everything and do everything perfectly, be a great cook from the day one...i mean seriously... i am also someone spoiled brat...so what i am a women now and got married. Now i am suppose to take care of everyone.. i am really fed up of my in laws too... i feel that we leave our parents to start a married life i think even men should do the same to have a blissful marraige...... beause in laws always create problems between husband and wife. i dont say that we should not be in touch with in laws but it should be the same as when we go to visit our parents and come back home same should be applicable for husbands parents as well...i speak with experiance and i am personally harrassed by the in laws...but in my case i dont have a way out yet....may be in future. there are so many people i know who are unhappy with the in laws infact everyone i know cribs and cries about in laws but what to do.. we as indian women are taught to take care of our elders and respect them irrespective of what we go through...i am not saying that we are not suppose to respect or love them... but it becomes difficult to do so when the issues between ur husband and u is coz of them....god i am just going on and on ...coz i am personally harrowed by the inlaws...wish they would understand and accept us the way we are.....and not try to change us..or judge us for the things we do..... if you also feel the same please share....
Take heart sugarmommy. I have been living with my in laws for the past 8 yrs so I can totally understand your feelings. Its really hard to convince yourself and keep on adjusting. I totally agree with you that men too should leave their parents home. in fact keeping distance will also allow one to have a healthy relation with in laws. But sadly, our culture is not such.
Anyway, this is a good forum to vent your feelings, so say all you want here. It will only make you feel better to share what you feel.
I am just giving my personal opinion here as it is difficult to know what circumstances you are in and what all things you have tried to make your life better.
Just think if there are anythings that you can do to make things better, if men also leave their parents then who will take care of parents when they are old. When you strongly feel that men should also leave parents after their marriage, if you have a brother do you really support him to leave home as soon as he gets married and leave your parents alone. In future, when you have a son and gets married, do you really expect him to leave you alone after his marriage. Are you ready for that?
Take my case, my father died when I was 2 years old. From that time my mother took so much pain to bring me up, she is also not educated. Now I have a good job and taking care of her. I have got married, Should I leave her after my marriage. There is definitely difference of opinion between any two individuals (a Girl and MIL is not an exception). I have friends who are taking care of their wifes parents also, some girls are giving all their salary to their family. Either a boy or a girl has to take responsibility of their parents.
I dont think every girl knows cooking, putting clothes in washer, cleaning when she is at parents house. The reason for this is their mother has taken care of all this. After certain age your responsibilities change, its for both Men and Women. In past only Men used to work and Women used to take care of the household work. Now things have changed and women also started working as its very difficult to manage family with single income. If you are a working women and your MIL is expecting you to do everything then it is something you have to discuss with your husband on how to handle. May be a maid to help your MIL and you.
I am just giving my view of the relationships, these days there is lot of stress at work, financial burden, future uncertainity. So just see how you can make your (whole family) life better, think positive. At 25 age,Smart and educated, its difficult for you to change your lifestyle or expectations in life. Think of 50 year age old and may not be as educated as you are, how much time/difficult for MIL to change.
I hope things will change very soon for you both (Sugarharmony and r12345678).
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