Mother - Daughter Relationship

7 replies, Page 1

RamyaRajesh 2013-08-28 15:20:13

 

Hello All,

Iam married and have 3 yrs old DD. My mom is staying with me. I married my cousin (my moms brother son) and he is really taking  good care of my mom.

Problem is she keeps asking everything i discuss with my husband and controls everyhitng in the house whether we like it or not thats doesnt bother her. If i say something she threatens me that she will go back home and will not tc of my DD (iam working in MNC).

She is treating me as her DIL..My husband is asking me to quit my job and tc of my family. Let your mom decide whther to stay here or not. If she keeps blackmailing like this we cant do anything...let her do wat ever she wants..she has full freedom in my mom..but still not happy  as i need my own space and i dont want to be controlled even after marriage.

During my childhood days i remember my mom often used to threaten my dad that she will commit suicide for petty issues. ..Now my dad is no more and i have an elder sister located in other city...so i have to tc of my mom.

I know i have to tc of my mom but how ..if she keeps nagging me like this. She talks nicely to my husband whenever she needs some favor otherwise she nvr cares abt him or abt my family.

All my family decisions are cornered by her..we have to do whatever she says otherwise she wont eat, talk, tc of my kid..nothing.

I am undergoing this torture from my childhood..now i want to care for my family (only my husband and my kid). Am i selfish?? I cant take this anymore :( Please advise.

Thanks


ArunIgnatius 2013-08-28 16:54:32

 

Hi Ramya,

Since this is going on from your childhood I think you can hanle her better. You need to make sure that the some of her attitudes are getting to inculcate slowly.

You prominent issue and that should be only about your DD and not her. If there is a possibility to get rid of her then do it.

You are not selfish and hake sure your husband understand and take up the decision.

 

AnanyaMom 2013-08-28 16:57:59

 

 Hi Ramya,

I can understand your situation. Can you not talk to your mom directly and resovle this?

We definitely can discuss things plainly with Moms more than MIL however close she is. You can clearly tell her to stay out of certain topics.

You can start a day care for your daughter instead of relying on her. Let her realize that you can manage the kid all by yourself. This will stop her from blackmailing that she will stop taking care of your daughter. The moment she realizes that you can handle alone, she will budge.

More than you telling her, it might help if your husband directly tells her not to ger involved in something as he is also related to her.

Hope it helps.

 

 

MaggieM 2013-08-28 17:37:41

 

Hi Ramya,

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't.”

You definitly cannot control your mom or her actions, but there are things that are still under your control and you can take charge of them!

1. As suggested earlier, you can opt for a day care for your child. This will rid you of any worries about who will take care of your daughter. You can start with Playschool and gradually move her to full day daycare.

2. Hire a cook if your mom is doing all the cooking/taking care of house. Tell her gently that you appreciate her taking care of house, kid, kitchen etc and she should take some rest.

3. Ignore. Usually, it works for MILs, and I am sure it will work for moms too! ;-)

4. Take short breaks with hubby and kid over long weekends to get some family time. Tell her that you have just couples traveling with you and it will be boring for her if she travels with you due to lack of company, or whatever story you can cook up to dissuade her from joining you.

There will be a huge fuss over all of it, but its either you taking charge of your life, or as you said 'your mom controling everything'.

All the best!

 

 


RamyaRajesh 2013-08-29 12:15:54

 

Hi All, Thanks for reply,

Tried talking to her many times but of no use. Moreover she will threaten that she will go somewhere and stuffs like that... Nothing works..she is very dominative and adamant..she will lie down wihtout eating for 10 days.so i dont want to talk to her

Her sister is already getting treatment in kilpauk as she behaves the same way and more that this.

I tc of Cooking , cleaning , household works..she is just a guardian for my kid. She watches TV whole day, talk to my kid , eat and sleep..thats it. She wont eat waht i cook, she will prepare her food ..worst thing is she wont give my kid what i cook for lunch.,No fruits , no healthy foods for my kid..only junk and curd rice for lunch. I have to put a end to my 8 yrs career journey for the well being of my family.  Atlast iam ready to do watever ican for the happiness of my kid and hubby.

 

tanujaa 2013-08-29 17:54:36

 

 get yr mom out of yr house youll be able to save yr career n family n yr sanity too believe me its time to move on

 

cmala 2013-10-01 11:31:57

 


First time I am hearing that mom threatens daughter like this. How long you will bear this
You mom is behaving like this because she knows for sure,you are completely dependent on her to take care of ur DD. Break that first. show her that . If she is threatening to go back home, do not stop her. Manage urself for sometime by putting your daugher in daycare.
arrange maid to do homeworks. After few days, ur mother will definetly realise and come back to you with differet attitude. understand that she is also dependant on you.  how long your relative will support her?... after few days they will show faces. so don't worry. you have to carry this drama only for short time.

Gud luck.......


 

Rubu 2014-02-20 13:00:24

 


This is so strange. I saw this now. I hope by now all your troubles would have been sorted out.

I have a very different perspective to share here... As people grow old they become more like a small child, the tantrums will increase, stubborness would be double. They all want to feel secure, important and loved.

I can understand it is challenging but then all mothers deserve the patience cause they raised us once. And you never know maybe she has some form of mental illness or physiological dis balance.

Have tremendous patience with old people. I agree they are difficult to handle, but who knows we all might be in same boat someday.

Most daughters are a reflection of their mothers. Is it possible that you share few similar traits yourself which creates more ego clash.

Kind Regards,
Rubu

 

 

All Rights Reserved Copyright © 2008-2019 Parentree