" mummy papa ko bulao maam se bachao..."

18 replies, Page 1

liza 2010-04-22 08:47:41


My 5year old son has been crying in school everyday as he is coping with the new ‘big boy’ schedules and treatment. As we are dealing with sending a crying child to school every day, the teachers in the school continuously show lack of empathy and gross insensitivity. One of ‘Substitute’ teacher said to him- as he was crying and asking for his mummy- mummy papa ko bulao maam se bachao. The teachers threaten the children that they will be hit(though they often are not) or that they will not be allowed to return home. On one occasion, when he was late to school we wrote in the diary that we were late to drop him off and was therefore he was not allowed in school. His ‘maam’ taunted- yaya- come late everyday and you will stand outside everyday..” As a parent I could not understand why he is being reprimanded for his parent’s error.

The incidents do not end. The school security misbehaves with parents everyday at the gate. I find the overall attitude offensive.

I was wondering if this is everyone’s / normal experiences or am I paranoid.Please help


NARAYANK991 2010-04-22 10:52:39


Liza ,

I think what you are describing looks like a prison for young offenders ! Please take away your child from this 'school' at once !

I would not want any innocent child to grow in an environment like this , especially when it is a school that is supposed to teach children to become responsible and healthy adults.

I can only wonder why other parents put up with this nonsense.

Regards ,




tunsi 2010-04-22 11:02:03


hi Liza,

To  an extent ur  experience is normal or rather i may put it this way that it is routinebut the threat to the child is wrong handling .He will get scared of his teachers and look 4 reasons to not to go to school.have a talk with his teacher,or the principal making them realise this method of creating fear in the childs mind is counterproductive.you should all work together 4 the child.counsel him,give him time let him make freinds in his class,dont be too strict with him.explain him good things about  school &the bad things of not going to school.Try talking to him he will understand.

take care



liza 2010-04-22 11:08:54


 The decision of sifting schools is not simple. we all know that. the school has a good reputation and one of the big institutions. Most people tell me - my son should adjust. I dont know how to explain to him that his 'maam' is nice when he is able to comprehend the emotional assaults. I see him helpless. and to be frank- I am helpless. the school administration doesnot want to entertain parents and do not provide a -sympathetic ear. I am -to be honest- AFRAID to talk to the coordinator about the teacher as I think she would be vindictive. This is learning from the past.We have taken a full circle in the last one year. From ALWAYS writing the truth about leave of absence  etc in the dairy- now I always-without fail- write -a lie hat s most convinient. Please help. 



NARAYANK991 2010-04-22 11:12:44


Liza ,

I would like to ask , how many children are there in your son's class ?

I ask because I can understand a teacher losing her empathy and becoming insensitive to her wards if she has to teach 40 children , but if there are just 15 or so in one class , I don't see why a teacher should not be able to cope.

At the age of 5 , all that a teacher has to do is some amount of teaching ; most of it is acting as a facilitator and enabling the children to mingle with others socially , without quarrelling. Taunting a child in front of others is absolutely not acceptable. I wouldn't do it at home , so why should I accept it from teachers at school ?

Regards ,




NARAYANK991 2010-04-22 11:26:23


Liza ,

I have a question : Is this 5 year old son your only child , or do you have an older or younger child ?

From your posts , it appears that you are more traumatized than your child. I may be wrong , but are you sure your child is crying because he hates going to that school , or is it because he hates leaving the comfort of home and going to a strange place ?

I would again say that though you mention that the school is a big school and has a reputation , such a school at this age is not really going to have such a big impact on a child's academic future. What is more important is that the child gets to like going to school , likes studying and interacting with other children. In this process if he also learns his alphabets and numbers , that is just a bonus.

The school that you are describing , where parents are not given their due importance , and children their due , is not one I would consider for my child.



liza 2010-04-22 11:27:26


 There are 40 children in a class. In grade one there are atleast 10 sections that I know of. The same was for KG. I agree that I dont do this behavior with even a child I dont know leave apart accept it from a teacher. The burden of studies has increased i Grade one since the new session started. My son complains that there is no play. the recess- lunch break is 20 minutes. the other day he left his pencil box in the toilet and did not go to collect it back when he remembered as he said' there was no time' . There are assignments, home works and dictations. I believe this is normal. Last week I went to pick up my kid from school early. The coordinator asked why? He had a doctor's appointment. I had to wait almost an hour. She forgot to ask what was wrong with the child. In the parent teacher meeting the teacher talked to us for 10 minutes and then said we will discuss this later as there are lot of parents waiting. We have not talked since( one week has passed) In KG, I requested meeting with the teacher to tell her that we shifted from overseas and the adjustment has been difficult. So she could please encourage him and give him some personal attention. She told me - she cannot give individual attention to anyone as there are 40 children in the class.

In the mean time my son continues to have anxiety about the duration of school( increased from KG) increased number of classes( though he has no problems in doing his lessons- he is scoring excellent), complaining that he misses me .every day he starts crying in the night/evening because of the next days's school stress.  

what do I do?


NARAYANK991 2010-04-22 11:35:51


Liza ,

I would not recommend any school which has more than 20 children in any class , though for the higher classes this can be relaxed to say 25 or 30. A KG or I class section with 40 children is way beyond the reasonable limit. I can understand why the teacher is stressed , but that still does not justify her behaviour.

I would still suggest that you find a more decent ( not necessarily more reputed ) school which your son will like going to.

I am in Chennai , and have two children who are in class 7 and class 8 now. They grew up in Jamshedpur , and both of them enjoyed their play school , nursery , KG and class 1 while they were there. The school teachers ( Rainbow pre-school , Ramakrishna Mission , Loyola school ) were very nice to both children and parents , and I , speaking for myself , cannot understand how anyone can term the behaviour of the teachers in your child's school normal.

I feel for your situation , but the answer is to change the school , period.

Regards ,




AartiR 2010-04-22 11:48:39


Relieve your self and MOST importantly your son from this JAIL. Get him admitted to soem good school.


liza 2010-04-22 11:51:55


 I agree with every thing that you are saying but lot of people that I know are telling me tis is okey and he needs to learn to cope. Tunsi ( see above conversation) also said something in those lines. He on the the other hand is afraid. His eyes get flushed and he cannot control his tears when we talk to him. I am thinking of changing school but the only school he can go to right now( in mid session) is one of the new schools- reputation of those i donot know.  I worry about the impact of pulling him out of a reputed big school and sending him to a school that is still to prove its worth. As more experienced parents what is your opinion.




liza 2010-04-22 11:53:45


 Dear Aarti

HE is going to a school of repute. If I tell you the name you will be quite surprised! Please help. every day, i see my son in pain and I know that it will turn into serious issues if left unresolved.


AartiR 2010-04-22 12:02:27


Hi Liza,

  I understand what you are trying to say but finally your life is all of the "Choices" that you make - for some parents school reputation is very important whereas for others it is not. But most importantly ask yourself " Are you willing to continue with this school?" Your mind will speak up !

In delhi and related areas there must be many more school options wherein the student - child ratio is less and they are sensitive to kids as well. Preschool age is very important for the good foundation of future.

You have to decide what is important for you and act accordingly.


liza 2010-04-22 12:12:13


 One of the basic questions that every one I discuss the problem with asks me- as discouragement- is what if the same thing resurfaces in the new school. will you change again. i have no answer other than that i hope it does not. most people tell me- make the kid tough. i just dont know how. i tell him all the positives of going to school and his teachers but the next day he returns with a long face and a story to tell...(which i really have to squeeze out of him- as he doesnot want to talk about it). i have no answers to the people who ask me- what will you do if this repeats itself. what is your opinion?


liza 2010-04-22 12:40:48


 I see this whole phase as two problems:

1. Separation anxiety due to long working hours, increased burden of education etc

2. Insolent and callous behavior from the teachers and admin

I think that the first can happen anywhere and with any one. the second should not occur and the child should remain in a nurturing environment. It is the second issue that i am more worried about. what do you all think. I am seriously considering moving my child from his school to another one because I find the attitude unacceptable and without reason. Please advice.


NARAYANK991 2010-04-22 12:43:09


Liza ,

The answer is very simple - admit your child to a new school only after you have met the principal of the new school , spoken to the class teacher , and formed a positive opinion of the school. If you have the slightest apprehension about the new school , don't admit your son into it.

At this age , children need just loving care and discipline. Nothing more than that.

In fact , if a child is taught well , she will grow up being able to learn on her own. That will be the greatest benefit of good schooling - a love of learning , and the ability to learn on one's own. Any school that can do this would be a good school , in my opinion.

Don't go by other people's opinion. Why do you think so many students commit suicide during their first few years in college ? Because people think ragging makes you tough ! This nonsense should not be tolerated and accepted , since the more you accept it , the more it grows. At some stage it becomes a monster , but by then it may be too late.

You should have a good idea of whether your child can cope or not. Coping with physical hardships is one thing , coping with mental harassment is quite another thing. Coping with mental harassment may make one mentally tough ; it can also make one insensitive and cynical ; it can also end up making one mentally depressed , insecure , and leave permanent scars on one's psyche.

For your son's sake and for your own , I suggest you look for another school. Just incidentally , what does your husband think ?

Regards ,




liza 2010-04-22 12:56:28


 My husband is furious, unhappy, stressed, concerned and in the mood of shifting him out right away- even if he has to START a new school for him... I agree with every thing that you say. some times, even parents need guidance... My son has admission in Presidium. I am only considering because his current school has a reputation and is established as an institution. I don't think my son can take this. i am having a hard time. and i am wondering if he needs to take it to be tough.. that is what every one tells me. MAke him Tough. How long will you fight his cause. LEt him deal with it. I fear I might push him too far and he may have anxiety problems. the learning curve - will surely suffer. He is an above average IQ chid and extremely perceptive.



NARAYANK991 2010-04-22 13:35:19


Liza ,

Check out this discussion :



Regards ,




liza 2010-04-22 17:27:37


 So then we don't have many options. maybe I can try shriram mellinium school. 


neeta2853 2010-09-22 12:51:23


hi so finally what decision did u take ?




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