Hi, I'm new at this and have a REAL concern- I hope I'm not alone in it. My son is a regular bubbly but sensitive chap. On small things, his school teacher passes snide remarks or taps his head. This is not unique to him. All students get the same treatment if they don't toe the line to the tee. The helper in the class is no better. My son comes back home ruffled over little ( but hurtful) incidents. Do I make a formal complaint to the school authorities? This could make things worse for him if the teacher picks on him. If I leave it alone, it is painful to watch this misbehavior and not do anything. I fear for his well being. What do I do??
Hi Liza ,
Can you say how old your son is ? Is he old enough to understand the snide remarks of his teacher , or is it the general behaviour of the teacher which is disturbing ?
I would say that the sooner your son perceives the world for what it is , the better.
It is a fact that the world has its fair share of offensive individuals. Better to become aware of this and know the proper , mature way of dealing with them , than to try and support him. At least , as long as you personally think the teacher is not going too far.
If you feel the teacher is overstepping his / her bounds , then it is time to interfere. Till then , why not educate your son on how it is not always possible to control others. The best thing is to ignore the incidents , as long as they are minor in nature. Violence , in any form is to be condemned and action to be taken immediately. Finally , it's your judgement when to interfere. Even then , why not meet the teacher and form your own opinion , as to whether he / she is really an offender , or is it a general reaction to the students' harassment ?
Reporting the teacher to the principal should be the last stage , when all else fails.
If you know another teacher in the school , why not discuss the matter with him / her and find out their opinion about this particular teacher ?
My son in turning 6 in June and he very well understands the remarks. I see the wisdom in your opinion- to let him face the realities and support him in coping with that...Thanks a million. Is pulling ears and tapping on the head a common thing or is happening only in his class!?
Hi Liza ,
We have always cautioned our two children that any taps / blows on any part of the body other than the upper arms , where there is enough muscle to absorb the shock , are absolutely out of limits.
Tapping on the head , ears etc. is , I think , not acceptable. Even pulling a child's ears , can end in undesirable consequences. Let us not go by whether it is common or not. It is your child's life , and you cannot be too careful. We read in the papers about how children get seriously injured by casual taps , whose consequences , even the teachers could not have anticipated.
I think it would not be wrong to speak to the teacher concerned. You can always start the discussion by asking what the teacher thinks of your child ; does he / she have any concerns that you can address ? You never know , a heart-to-heart talk with the teacher may well clear the air !
All the best.
Yesterday, my son came back from school complaining of a smart ass snide remark his teacher passed to him with her 'good morning'! But later he also told me that one of his friends was taken out of the class and he returned with a BRIGHT RED EAR. In various parent teacher meetings no concern of substance was ever raised. I think it's a question on ATTITUDE rather than Correction. Could it be that his teacher is doing this because no one has till now- Objected and raised a question about the behavior. Please advice. Narayan, Thanks soo much for the genuine interest and good advice.
Hi Liza ,
You may be right. In which case , it's up to you to confront the teacher and see where it leads. I am sure that if the teacher is over-reacting in her puncishments , she can be made to change.
Worrying about the effect this confontation can have on your child is not correct , I think.
After all , if anything serious happens , all parents will have the same thought in their minds , "why didn't we react earlier ?".
I think you should go ahead and talk to the teacher , and tell her pleasantly , that possibly her punishments are on the harsh side.
Is it possible you can broach this topic to any other parent who has a child in the same class , and find out what is their experience ?
Unity is strength !
@Liza - you have a very valid concern. I would look at it from another perspective. What do you want your child to do when he faces such tough situations in the future? The way you react is what he will learn from.
If you decide to ignore the matter and ask him to bear it, he may think that it is the only choice he has. As he grows up, everyone else may just walk all over him or bully him.
The other choice is to show him that there are ways to address the problem he is having. I really like the suggestion above of going to talk to the teacher to get her feedback. Maybe she may say something that is in her mind. And you can slowly move the topic towards your child being hurt by these remarks. If that kind of constructive conversation does not help, enlisting another friendly teacher to help or finally having a conversation with the principal maybe the way to go.
This is a good discussion. Thanks Narayan for your advice. May be able to use this advice when my son starts going to school.
Hi NJ ,
Thanks for your appreciation. Hope you don't need to !
Hi Liza. I would strongly agree that you should broach it with the teacher. It is surprising how much teachers do pay attention to this kind of thing. Most teachers dont decide to be bad teachers - they fall into the pattern because no one disapproves or stops them. If you raise this issue after discussing how the teacher feels about your son and then go on to say "He is really sensitive and I wanted to share with you how much he is affected by what you say. He was really upset when...." then you have done it tactfully but brought it up. And the teacher is put on notice that you are aware that this is happening.
This is the voice of experience - I tried it and it works!
liza i want to know what did you finally after the incident with your child?please do tell!
Finally I took the appointment with the coordinator and went with my husband. We presented the problem and played bad cop good cop. We repeatedly told her that this is not a complaint for the teacher but after 3 months , now the child is getting affected and something needs to be done. Also, we were very hesitant to give the child's name. Things changed the next morning and no child was being misbehaved with. However, looks like there is o end to my woes and the general culture in his school is abusive. They work on fear psychosis instead of positive reinforcement. Please read my entry with subject: 'papa mummy ko bulao 'maam' se bacchhao". I value your opinions and advice so please find time to write your thoughts.
Liza A SCHOOL IS LIKE A HOME IF U DON'T LIKE IT U NEVER BUY IT,Y R U STILL STICKING WITH THIS ONE. YOUR CHILD'S LIFE PSYCHOLOGY, BELIEFS R AT STAKE.WOULD U GIVE SUCH A HOME TO UR CHILD?WHICH SCHOOL IS IT? DELHI OR GURGAON
Amity International, Noida
Even if I want to shift, there are few options in mid session . My son could go to presidium. We got registration long back but I dont know how the school is.
oh liza y is it that u choose or get stuck with such schools.
I don't know out of the two who takes the honours .
So please dear go to step by step noida,ask for their curriculum and the details.Please share with me too as I can speak of some nuances between them and then u judge for yourself.Also when u go to school insist on checking the classroom of that grade and especially the washrooms,this my dear will say a lot.
But please kick ur butt to get your child out of there,excuse my language,I say with due respect.Your child will love u lifelong for this.
honey if it's IB based school it starts session August and ending now in May,if it's only international in name it's only 22 days in session.Buck up girl........don't lay so much stress on money.
Your child is your diamond fd(fixed deposit),don't let trivialities take precedence.Have courage it's easier than u think.....All the best!
Liza I forgot to mention Amity comes with BAD credentials...
I stay in gurgaon and I can tell you this that had it been a parent in gurgaon, the school would have been changed in the first instant and threatened with bad press and more....
you know the Almighty says what you can't change even after trying(negativity and negative people be it your own blood relations) STAY AWAY FROM THEM AND A CHILD --KEEP THEM LIGHT YEARS AWAY, lest it rub you the WRONG WAY.
GOD BLESS YOUR CHILD AND HIS PARENTS SO THAT THEY KEEP HIM IN A BLESSED LEARNING ENVIRONMENT AND LIFE.
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