Having own child but planning to adopt 2nd child

15 replies, Page 1

namasteindia 2010-08-20 15:50:02

 

i have a 6.5 yr old son and now i plan to adopt a girl child.

since i do not have any support from my mother, brother etc also in-laws are unsupportive.

if i decide to go for biological 2nd child my son will suffer a lot during my pregnancy and later on.

plus i suffer from depression due to bad childhood so overall i feel that adopting a child will insure a life to a orphan plus a sibling to my son and it will complete our family 


imbarkha 2010-08-20 15:59:38

 

Hi,

Nice to hear that you want to adopt a child. Its very good that you are making somebody's childhood better and making her future bright. Is your husband supporting your decision. if he is supporting then both of you can try to convence your parents and in laws. i am sure at some point of time they will be ready.

 

 

 Former member 2010-08-20 16:09:53

 

Hi,

Great thinking! Very few people can think like this and can actually implement it.

Before you take a final decision, as imbarkha says, make sure that you and hubby think the same and if you are staying with in-laws then also let them know.

Beacuse when the child will be at home, then he/she should not suffer b'cos of such problems...

really appreciate your thinking. All the best! I wish many of us can take such steps!!!

 

namasteindia 2010-08-20 16:11:40

 

hi barkha,

yes my husband is supportive.

about inlaws and my parents like i said earlier they are least caring and there is no support from my mothers side since she suffers from mental and physical ailments.

so the final decision will be ours and not theirs.

 

namasteindia 2010-08-20 16:14:04

 

hi pritam,

if my inlaws were here and taking care of anybody then i would not have thought of adopting a child.

since there is no emotional support from any elders we have decided to go for adoption.

 

 

leo 2010-08-21 00:22:41

 

hi friends, u cn say i am looking forward somthing like that. This is always in my mind from last 10 yrs .......adopt a girl child.   That time i ws unmarried. But still i went to Mother Taresa Home for that matter. They dont refuse but showed me the difficulties to adopt a child . The difficulties were double at that time coz i ws unmarried. Everyone cant b Susmita sen, .

Nw i am married and having a baby of 2 yrs old. Its a boy. so i do have the potion open to adopt a girl child. I have a;lready discussed about this matter with my hubby and my in laws and also with my parents. Nobody say no dorectly but not a strong yes though.

well, i believe, adoption is entirely a husband and wife matter. And as far as the in-laws ..... there thinking is totally different. They do maintain the so called social tabo. Its not their fault ... they dont understand  like that or i should say they cant think  about it. they always prefere someone from their own. As my mother says" ur child is always ur child, when god give u the option to enjoy motherhood then why adoption.

C , u simply cant change the thinking.

So my thinking will b , if u think u can take care of a child and will able to give him/her a good future , just go ahead. Think positive.

all the best. I will join u soon. Am just waiting for my son 's 10th birthday. So that he can also take a part on taht decision.

all the best

 

roses 2010-08-21 04:14:49

 

Namasteindia- a very bold and good move on your end. With your husband's support the second child will come through fine !

I am really happy that more parents are opening up to this idea. In your case, namasteindia, you will have to be mindful of your mother-in-law's behavior towards your little girl. From what I've read about her, it is not very flattering. Knowing her well you may have issues with how she treats your son and daughter. You will have to protect your little girl from the unhappiness she will face with your mil. Finally, I know you two will make great parents !

 

namasteindia 2010-08-21 10:19:55

 

hi leo,

i am not at all attached to my mother its been two years that im not in touch with her and my brother. Because of my alcoholic father there was always problems in our house and we all grew quite distant from each other.

I dont believe that only blood relationships are strong and forever. If i was a orphan and was waiting for a home, parent and sibling to come up similarly there a child out there without any name, family and sibling waiting for someone to come and give them a life.

Dear Roses,

You are right about my MIL i was telling my husband yesterday about her and how badly she will react if she comes to know about our idea of adoption. But then you can never make such people happy they always have something or other to complain about.

 

leo 2010-08-21 17:19:17

 

hay priya, yes i am saying the same. Blood relationship is not everything. and its not forever. We do have a thousand number of examples infront of us The step u r about to take is indeed bold and great as roses says.

As u r taking a great and good decision decision  ... so my hat is already off for u. And also wish me luck  as i am going to take the same decision  soon or later.

Do share with us the first day with ur 2nd child.

regards

sanhita

 

namasteindia 2010-08-22 00:10:58

 

hi sanhita,

definitely i let you know.

as of now things are complicated since the adoption agency are not so keen and interested with people i guess.

i called them they are saying that social worker is out of town she will come back only in mid sept till then we have to wait.

plus there are lot of rules like court hearing, donation, paperwork and investing a large amount in childs name as document proof.....the red tape is tough.

 

Wini 2012-05-11 10:22:57

 

Hi

 

I have a 7 year old girl child and want to adopt one more child . My husband and my inlaws are supportive of it and asking me to go ahead as well

 

Can you advise how easy or difficult is to adopt a child and how can I proceed with it. Adoption procedures roughly take how much time . I am looking to adopt a child from 0-2 years

 

KALPAN 2012-05-11 16:19:09

 

Hi all,

I myself has adopted a girl child when she was one year old and now she is 6.5 yrs. Though the decision taken by many to adopt a 2nd child is good, I would like to throw light on some points:

1. There is long queue of adoptive parents and after registration it takes around 2 years to start the process.

2. Since many of you have already 1 biological kid, you are already  enjoying the parenthood but think of those who are craving for a child, not having their biological child and waiting for 2-3 years to get the adoptive child at home. I myself has experienced  the joy of having a child at home after about 10 years of treatment for infertility and then another 4 years waiting for adoption to happen.  The 2nd child which the people like you will be adopting will give LIFE to the home who are not having any child and frustrated of all the treatments taken.

3.  As mentioned by you adoption is not the simple process. It is getting complicated day by day with such big waiting list of adoptive parents. The adoptive agencies are demanding the huge sums for the kids somewhere between 1.5 to 2.00 lacs for a boy since the children are less than the parents.

4. In such circumstances adding your name to the waiting list???? is wrothwhile???  I am not against the adoption by parents like you but you can adopt the grown up kids who had not gone for adoption in their childhood due to some reasons or the other and let the parents who don't have biological child enjoy the small wonders of a small kid.

5. You should try for adopting  a child from SINDHUTAI SAPKAL who is holding around 1000 children and giving them for adoption.  If she releases all these children to adoptive agencies, the parents like you can definitely think of 2nd adoption. All these children held at her various agencies bear the name of her and anyone can easily fine out that the child is ANATH/ORPHANGE.  There is a very biggggggggggggg diference in the child growing in an ANATHASHRAM and at home. Now looking at my daughter no one will come to know that she is an adopted child. And people think that SINGHUTAI is doing a GREAT JOB. Has she ever thought of these children after she passes away???? Giving all of them a home will be a GREAT JOB according to me.

Sorry if I have hearted any of you in any way but think on this.

 

 

 

KALPAN 2012-05-11 16:31:14

 

Pl read the 5th point 1st line as under:

5. You should try for adopting a child from SINDHUTAI SAPKAL who is holding around 1000 children and NOT giving them for adoption.

She is not giving any child for adoption and collecting money from everywhere to raise these children.  What is the harm is she gives these children a home where the full family will take care of 1 child instead of here in her ASHRAM 20 children being taken care of by 1 AAYA. I can guarantte that the lOVE AND CARE A CHILD GETS IN A HOME CAN NEVER BE COMPARED WITH THE ONE HE/SHE GETS IN AN ASHRAM.

 

anusai2008 2012-05-11 16:47:34

 

 hai

there are two senarios....

1. u dont have a child and adopting one.....thats pretty fine

2. you have a child and adopting another without conset of others....there are will be occassions of social gatherings..where all four of have to go...ur child would treated in a way and the adopted will be treated in a different way.it would be the same when ur in laws come home.u and ur husband maynot differntiate but rest of the world...we can never change them

in this course the adopted lil one should not be hurt and when she starts understanding ..she may feel orphanage was better...am not discouraging but pl think "n" number of times before taking a decision..you don wan your child to suffer during ur pregnancy at the same time adopted one's life should not be miserable 

pl don mind 

 

namaste 2012-05-11 18:34:25

 

good points

noted down

 

soumyadas 2017-08-11 13:47:40

 

@Namasteindia did you adopt second child? I am in a similar situation and considering adoption. I have a girl 3 years 9 months old.
 

 

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