My daughter is 11 years old. This incident happened with her last week.
In our apartment, she has 2 girls who are 8 years old who play with her after school. Last week, these girls teased my daughter for not being able to clearly express herself . My daughter has problem speaking continuously and communicating clearly her thought especially when she is in a group.She was heartbroken.
I am not sure how to help her out and teach her to defend herself for such happening in future. She wants to be have many friends but could miss well with other kids of her age due to her deficiency.
Need suggestion to help her.
I had a similar problem in my growing years and really what a neighbour communicated worked well. Here it is:
1. You need to help your daughter find the reason behind the problem and work on it.
2. You need to work hard on the fact that you love your daughter despite everything and help improve her self confidence. Her self confidence will last throughout her life.
3. You need to help her understand that friends are not made basis the positives and negatives in each person. A friend is someone who accepts the other as she/he is. Also people who make fun of her are not strong people in themselves, rather they are people who need to push others down to feel good about themselves.
To bring forth the shallowness, you may show this to her by an example: An earthen pot when empty makes noise if you tap it from outside but once its filled with water, tapping does not make same amount of noise.
Well, its her self confidence that needs to be worked at. That will help her grow and focus on positives. We can continue to work on minimising negatives but equal attention must be made to expand on positives.
And for the present, best ignore immature kids. As for your girl, she will be fine. Trust me!
I completely agree with Ruchi. Apart from that, try to make her speak at home about some topic. Do it in a play way method. You can give any simple topic ranging from some fruits she likes, animals , her hobbies , description about friends ,school etc.
You can enroll her in a good public/group speaking course meant for kids where u can also accompany your daughter. In such discussions, there is no scope of any teasing and all come to learn some thing. Children develop self confidence automatically. I don't know if such centres are there in Chennai. U can check out.
As Ruchi said, ignore immature kids. Teach her not to give importance to them nor their talks and boost her spirits always. She is just 11 yrd old. She will learn it gradually to handle such people. Make her strong and bold.
hello Ruchi and Mickey,
Thanks for your suggestion.
I would like to know what do you think my daughter should to do when being bullied constantly. How do she react when being teased as this happens in her class too. Does she need to be silent or stop interacting with such girls. As she is not very expresive, she does not have much friend and fears of losing whom she talks to.As she is the only girl child in my family , she is pampered more by my inlaws and my parent.she expects other too to praise and understand her always.
And any information about the public speaking course for children in chennai is highly appriciated.
Try this for her ,u will find more in same sight . try with her ,i mean u to do it with her as a gme n i hope it will help her in far better way
will catch u soon in more details .
sorry i forgot to give u sites name its here.
ok then start it rt now
Betty Botter had some butter,
"But," she said, "this butter's bitter.
If I bake this bitter butter,
it would make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter--
that would make my batter better."
TRY this also u also learn n play with her saying who can say it better . n u take care that she just does it better then u ....... i hope u got my point u have to act in front of her that its too difficult n u r not able to say it make her learn n make her repeat it. she will biult up confidence to say n make her do even the other in the above sight. ok then surely will give u details about how to carry on soon. till then take care .
ruchi and mickey are right..they have given you most of the pointers..i will just add a couple of points more.
identify the problem of your daughter more accurately. remediation is totally different for different reasons and types of speech disorders.
find out the reason: if she cant read out well from her textbooks (at home, without any performance anxiety), there could be a physiological difficulty and needs a speech therapist. if she has problem in recalling and repeating, without looking, what she has just read, there could be a memory/concentration problem and needs a special educator.. if her reading/repeating is ok, and expressing day to day needs (like "i am hungry") is ok, but has problems while having an interpersonal talks, then there could be an emotional block and needs a psychologist.
find out the type: is it slurring/ stammering/ slow speech/ hesitant speech/ awkwardness in speaking style/ baby-talk? is the problem accompanied by poor facial expressions/ inappropriate volume/salivation/ voice trembling/ poor body language?
while keeping an eye on her to diagnose her problem better, give a loud and clear message to your daughter how much she is loved and respected (and not just pampered)..kids dont know how to express this, but they hate being over-pampered..they feel that by over-pampering, the adults around are treating them like immature kids and are not being respectful..unfortunately, over a period of time, they get used to this kind of treatment and expect the same from siblings, cousins and friends..your daughter is 11 now and is in her pre-teens. adolescent ideas must be budding in her mind. but over-pampered kids find it difficult to accept the transition from childhood to adolescence and this can further add to her problems with her friends.
while you may not be able to change others in the family so much, you can start training your daughter about many things (like puberty, feminism, fashion, career and so on)..these intimate talks will bring you two closer and she will develop confidence in herself as a grown up girl.
take care :)
Everyone has given u good suggestion do try then will difenately help u. as u r a mother u will surely get tensed n worried seeing ur daughter in trouble . but dont worry nor get tensend . worries dont give out the way to problems . i think u too must have tried all the stuff n still working n tring to improve good effort by u .
so now try the tounge twister sites i give u n as i told u surely u will find difference .
one more n important thing i wanna tell u is that plz dont let her feel that she is having ay probs with her kids r to innocient n soft to take this . so b normal dont make her realize that something is wrong with her or she is different . this may make her more weak as if she is aware of that weakness in her she is already upset if u keep on forcing her or keep on pointing the trouble it will enter in her minds n the it will b harder to work on it so plz u n all of u in ur family has to b calm n normal . good that everyones like her or pemper her but pls ask everyone dont utter a single time that about the trouble or ask her what the probs n all . u too dont have to ask her in first taht whats wrong with u y r u not able to talk frrely or so. u know alsing this also pinch her that she is not capable to do anything.get confidence in her doing differnt things .n if at all at any point of time she talks to u saying that she has this probs n as her is there any specific reason that she is not able to do. if she says u than try to slove that . but i m quite sur e she wont she will say no i dont know i m not able to do that all and a s u told that some kids make her more upset by saying something or the other she gets upst n loose her confidence n think better i dont talk if i talk people will again laugh at me .then come ur main role,
explain her the fact that every person in the world have some good n some bad things in it . wher some r recognised while some r not . so if u feel tjhat u r haiong some minus point in u . then god has gifted u such a good n plus point in u that everyone doesnot have so instead of getting upset for the minus point try to imrove it n find the very plus point in u so that it overcome the minus n everyone would b more proud of u .
so instead of worring n getting upset now cheer up n start working on tounge twister they work in a gr8 way n faster too. i m adding one more site for such twister wich will help u . http://www.uebersetzung.at/twister/en.htm
so i think soon ur prob will b sloved n ur daughter will speak as u want . but rememeber slow n steady wins the race. b calm ask her to b calm n have confidence thats all needed. god is with u . so good luck n do write back if u need something .
Would just add another point to my message after reading your reply to it.
You said your daughter is the centre of attraction and expects praise by all. Well, in my view, that needs to change for she doesn't need to feel the need to remain the centre of attraction amongst all or get time/praise from all to be good/happy.
The problem with the idea of needing to be centre of attraction or getting praise all the time is that it risks taking the person away from his/her roots and also instills an idea that praise/attention means that you are loved/cared for/etc etc.
So you will also need to work on this aspect also. Easier said than done but there are ways:
1. encourage her to help her grandparents in their daily routine where the focus is on them.
2. encourage her to allow you to show her things you enjoyed as kid. your parents can help in those initial discussions and your inlaws in the discussions regarding your husband. ensure that there are times -- most of the times -- in the discussion where your daughter is not a participant and rather a listener.
3. if you can manage a pet -- on loan from a friend for a short while -- please do that. the attention a pet takes is huge and may get your daughter involved in looking outwards big way.
And as for her dealing with those kids, why avoid/shun them.
Next time they behave the same way, your daughter may just tell them "Please grow up/Its time you grow up. Else I cannot be friends with such immature kids."
"Oh God, Guys. You are so immature I am sorry but don't even feel like responding to such talk."
See her self confidence needs a boast. She needs to stand up for herself.
Thanks for all your valuable suggestion. I think, I was feeling really more nervous about her failures in social realtionship. My daughter is a silent sufferer and that pains me a lot.She always asks me -why she is so different always which drives people away from her inspite for her sincer effort to be friendly with others.
when I see you all right there to provide me support and suggestion, I am really happy that I am with parentree. Special thanks to you all for analyse my problem as yours and providing help. Keep it up Guys... Many like me are there . who are stressed and needs a hear,understanding ear and help..
My parents and inlaws feel that I am worring about my daughter for no reason at all... and she will grow out of it as years passes by. But as a mother , my heart bleeds when my daugher suffers.
Keep me posted if you have any other ideas to help me to make my daughte a strong and confident women...I will try all you suggestion and keep you updated about the progress in this acedamic year on her social skills..
Sorry but don't take me wrong for what I am about to say. You really need to gain some confidence not just in your self but also in what your girl can do. Trust her, she will be fine on her own. Trust her on this. she will be fine and really you need to have faith in her.
My children attended a summer course on communication skills , organised by one Dr. Indira Jayaraj.
Her contact details are :
Email : firstname.lastname@example.org
Telephone : 97910-11607
Location : Krupa Sai, 24-26A, K.K. Road, Valmiki Nagar, Thiruvanmiyur, chennai.
Landmark : Singapore shoppe is where K.K. Road begins. Look for State Bank of Hyderabad and then Balaji Dental Clinic ( Krupa Sai ). You will find Krupa Sai, enter the building and come to the basement.
You can contact her and see if she has such courses during the year.
Thanks Narayank991. Really, you have mentioned this detail in the right time.As the school have started now,my daughter's complain about having no one as friends at school has started up again.
I am trying my level best to support her but she feels bored and lonely always as she does not have her age friend. I was thinking of checking out with Chennai British counsel children coaching classes .
what is your feed feedback on the Dr. Indira Jayaraj's classes. Do you find any difference in your kid? what is their agenda and the methodology ?Do they have any link discribing the activities. As a experianced parent, I would like to know your opinion on this couching center. Thanks.
I cannot say much about the class , other than that my children enjoyed them.
They have various group activities during the classes , such as public speaking , extempore speaking in Just a Minute sessions , debates , group discussions.
The first thing the participants are told about is that they should be non-critical , and if possible appreciative. Over the week , even shy children come out of their shell.
Of course , I don't think you can expect dramatic changes within a week , but if this kind of course can be continued over a period of three months or so , I am sure you will see the difference.
Dr. Indira Jayaraj herself is probably a well-known personality , as you can see from her LinkedIn profile http://in.linkedin.com/pub/indira-jayaraj/19/787/48b
Hope this helps.
I had sent a mail to Dr. Indra Jayaraj in the morning and have receive her mail that she will let me know about the next schedule of program. Thanks for the information shared.
Here's my take on it - Play a lot with her - especially outdoors. You will need to be spirited and energetic - make it a routine for everyday.
While ur asking for solutions for kids bullying her, the solution does'nt lie in how she should react but more in how she feels.
Workout a play group or just another kid whose behaviour is not mean and get involved in the play ur self initially. You will then get a first hand experience of really getting to know ur daughter ( relative to others)
Get her to become a part of a play that you stage at home to begin with and give her a role where she needs to speak but not too much. Let her get motivated by her own performance. Slowly you can keep raising the bar and help her exceed her own self.
Lastly but very importantly check out the ART EXCEL program that Art of living conducts. I've seen a big turnaround in kids after this program.
Hope this helps! Good luck
Welcome. All the best.
Hello Good soul,
As I am a member of Art of living, I had enquired for ART Excel course a couple of years before. I think, in chennai they conduct this only once in a year during summer holiday.Mostly it clashes with the time she would go to our native during that time for vaccation.(you know the train tickets process booking before 3 months )
We have recently moved to velacheery from Mylapore , I would like for further details about Art excel course being conducted in this zone of chennai.I hope, we could make up sometimes during her mid- term exams holidays.Thanks
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