The Tricky One!

9 replies, Page 1

liza 2010-02-17 12:35:22


 Hi, I'm new at this and have a REAL concern- I hope I'm not alone in it. My son is a regular bubbly but sensitive chap. On small things, his school teacher passes snide remarks or taps his head. This is not unique to him.  All students get the same treatment if they don't toe the line to the tee. The helper in the class is no better. My son comes back home ruffled over little ( but hurtful) incidents. Do I make a formal complaint to the school authorities? This could make things worse for him if the teacher picks on him. If I leave it alone, it is painful to watch this misbehavior and not do anything. I fear for his well being.  What do I do?? 

smijacob 2010-02-18 13:55:29



I would suggest you to complain to school authorities..If you are really feel that it will make things worse for him ,then combine few parents who has got similar opinion as you and then go as a group

Even if after discussing ,there is not much difference in the behaviour ,then think of changing the school..



liza 2010-02-18 15:01:52


Today again, my son came back with a long face. he was tapped on his head thrice and once made to stand in a corner. His fault was talking in the class.Another parent I spoke to complained that her daughter's maam threw her bag yesterday.  I will be going to meet the 'coordinator' and let you what happened. But I guess my decision has come about after talking to all of you. My heart felt gratitude to all of you for such genuine interest in my problem and providing workable and thoughtful solutions. It has helped me calm down and feel empowered and not helpless. 




apar_sai 2010-02-18 15:40:40



you are not alone. I have noticed in general that the teachers are more careful with kids whose parents are aware. Everytime my son came up with a complaint, I would at once go to the teacher and ask her about it. I would tell her that my son was very hurt. This usually had a good effect.

Personally, I am against anyone laying a hand on my child. I have even changed school to avoid this. I usually enquire and make sure the school I choose does not allow corporal punishment.

I have talked to my son and told him -

a) rules are meant to be followed - for his and for everyone's good. If the rule is a bit tough to follow - like no talking in class :) - he will have to control his urge (to talk in class) and indulge himself when allowed (talk more outside class or during his playtime).

b) it is his right to expect dignity at school. If anyone more powerful than him bullies him (or a teacher hits him), he has every right to protest. And if he feels a protest may not be safe, he can come to me with the problem. I have told him that I will take up his cause if he feels powerless against something.

All the best with your school-authority talk.






NJ 2010-02-18 17:02:45



Do you agree to punishments where teachers cane the hand. When I was in School, the punishment for not doing homework, not bringing proper books, improper uniform or general mischievousness was hand canning. Just wanted to know what you think about that.



liza 2010-02-19 08:20:00


 Yes NJ, I have had the same experiences while growing up. I wonder how you reacted to it then and how you react to it now? I think it's absurd to hit any one. Gandhiji said once- kill the evil (in this case naughty) in the person not the person himself. Perhaps not many get it. Perhaps it's just harder and we all find it easier to pick smaller than self opponents and win...


NJ 2010-02-19 09:57:32


Hi Liza,

At that time we used to receive the punishment. It used to be painful, but we did not think much about it like complaining to our parents. But even my mom and dad used to hit us when we do something wrong. It used to be similar with my friends and everyone else whom I knew at that time. So I did not take it as if some wrong is being done to me. But I feel now times are changing and parents do not beat the children. The adage "Spare the rod and spoil the child" no longer holds valid nowadays(Of course the person who said this phrase, King Solomon, had lots of wives and concubines and hence lots of Children, Whereas we have only 1 or 2). From other parents who I know personally, the newer techniques parents use to punish their children are quarantining for a day or taking away privileges. They say it works for them. My kid hasn't reached a stage where I need to punish him, he is only 18 months old. But at present, I dont think I can bring myself to hit my child. Even my mom who used to give me a couple of beatings in my childhood as punishment, advices me not to hit him. But I know as parents this is possible and easier for us as we can tolerate our childs mistakes and patiently try to correct them. But I am wondering what if a child is mischeivous in school, then in that case what is justified from the point of view of the teachers as punishment to that child or what can be done by the teachers when the child is ill mannered in school.


liza 2010-02-19 10:39:27


 Thanks NJ for your frank thought provoking comment. But I feel the real issue is not ' what your child is ready/willing or able to endure'. It's what you are ready to 'SEE HIM endure'. A tap on the head and ear pull does not, i really believe, any real damage to the physical self. But does it not make one feel small and vulnerable. Does it not make one feel, well you can be hurt without a warning. Is that not we felt. I donot dispute that any and I mean ANY 5  or 6 year is naughty, tests boundaries and would outsmart you in your own game. But should that energy, and curiosity be subdued creating fear and resentment or channelized and controlled?




NJ 2010-02-21 22:24:48


I certainly do not agree to head tapping , ear pulling , kicking etc. These are bullying tactics rather than disciplining. I just wanted to hear from parents in the forum what they think about hand canning as a punishment. If not, then what is the best methods teachers should use for disciplining children. Upto 6 years old, the children should learn through play. Thats why I'm so impressed by the montessori method of learning. From 7 years onwards, what is the best method to discipline children by teachers in school is my question.


apar_sai 2010-02-22 15:30:34



I'm not too sure about teachers, but at home I try my best to match the act of discipline to the crime.If 2 siblings fight over a toy, the toy gets taken away for a day or two till they can sort out their turns.If home work doesn't get done today, home work time precedes play time tomorrow. I expect enforcing this becomes a lot tougher when you have to handle 30 children at a time :).

Many schools enforce the rule that teachers should not hit children for any reason (hand caning is no different from other forms of hitting, it is equally brutal). But many teachers feel that the rule is absurd and that children cannot be disciplined any other way.What the schools could do is educate teachers on how to handle children, and have counsellors to help/guide the teachers. 

If you are keen on learning more about disciplining children - without ever feeling the need to hit :) - try this book - What do you really want for your children, Dr.Wayne Dyer.







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