I have two sons. Elder son is eleven and a half and younger is six and half.
My elder son is having good intelligence levels but I observe the following patterns
1. He is very security conscious
2. He is not able to make friends
3. He is not able to join a group - even though we are living in an apartment of 190 flats with lot of children he still restricts himself to our house. Of course I tried to put him in a group but the other boys are easily suppressing him and he gets depressed and comes back home.
4. He looks quite tall for his age - more than 5 feet and looks real smart. First appearance everybody thinks he is very strong but somehow it remains unreal.
5. He is too dependent on me and his dad for playing and spending time with him.
6. When he talks he does it fast and the words are unclear totally . If anybody pinpoints his errors he gets into a nutshell and it takes a long time to come out of it.
He is mad about cricket , knows in and out of the game , regularly goes to cricket classes but he is not able to shine in that.
What is this behaviour pattern? Is there a lack of coordination between his body and mind? I am looking for help.
If any of you can advise me as to what is the right way to build him into a confident person and more successful person I would be very thankful.
Why don't you try to put him in Trio school..They have specilaised educator...they will take care of him. He wil come out with bright colour for sure.
Revathy relax . first thing u have to do is calm down n b tensen free. there is nothing to worry . belive me. as u said u see that kind of behaviour in ur elder son rt. so i thing there seems no probs with ur younger one. ...
only thing is never show that to ur elder son. in this matter plz keep the comparison far away .
other thing is ur elder child uncomfortable with his younger one . feeling that younger one is loved more then him or so. plz think from his point of view. i know both the kids r same for u . but he has his own point of view.
plz dont keep him poking about his behaviour . its ok every one has their own nature. at this time he needs ur people support . dont make him feel that he different.
help him in improving his nature ..... unknowingly yes . dont let him know that u r doing something for him which he is not able to . go down in compound where childrens play . ask ur child to play n u do support him there if he faces some probs. ask the other kids to b his frds tell them frdly that his nature is bit different but later u will like him as a good frd. try it dont shy. remember dont say in front of him . nothing to hide but let him gain the confidence.
sit with him in alone talk to him about his rutine [without eretating him] let him share himself with u . u have to sit for sometime try to make him independent . know his probs or anything which is there in his mind which troubles him .dont make him feel anyway that u r doing it perposely . first u need to behave normally caz everything is normal only thing he needs to stand by himself.
try to send him out to shops n all to buy thing on his own i mean if they r nearby. i mean to say ,explore him out ways . like where u go out for shopping or few thing let him do so. i hope u got my point ... where he can do some thing independently . bring out his confidence in him. plz at any stage dont let him down or make him feel out of the block like ,there is something going with him, be clam n relax.
Just one important thing u do ....... think urself in his place n do what would makeup the best . i think that will help u out a lot . if u r at his place what would u like , how would u react , how u would like to talk, or want someone to talk , or make undersatnd what u want . i hope i m not confusing n able to convay what i want to.
as u told he is 11 n half now. so he is a grown up child now. i m sorry to say but u should have taken some measures rt when he was small. it would b easier . anyways . its quiet difficult to copeup with child at this age but i think with ur patience ,love, support n gods grace everything will go well.
u told he speaks fast . i request u to b clam n keep going slowly . i repeat dont presurize him on all his things . a almost 12 year child is big enough n very egoistic at this age . specially when he knows somthing is wrong or is poked now n then for a particular thing . so b calm . nothing is going to effect imedieatly ........give him some time .
for his speach do one thing ask him to record something in his voice n make him hear that . let him understand what mistake he is doing . make it repetadely . agian i say it should b unknowingly ........... bring out any reasons. hummmmmm may b say i want to record our voice of ur this age just for ur rememberence .take some snaps n all. * do it as well as for ur younger one so he should not find the motive behind . say the samething to younger also . what ever u r planning for ur elder should remain only between u n ur husband from no force it should reach him .
as for recording u can say u can readout ur studies n then play them n listen them a new n gr8 way for revision . i think u must b helping him in studies . ok what did u say that in record is it rt let me chexk . ok ask him as well to match it.
fine now if he feels he is not able to hear clearly . u say fine its ok u carry on then u can do it again ... at that time try to be better . its ok u can undersatnd it na thats enough. say all this to him. make him feel comfortable . in case if at all he gets angry . leave him for sometime . when he comes down ask him the probs . try to explain him in simple way where he or his feeling r safe. ask him to speed down a bit that all he needs to do so y r u up set for this .
i know at this pont u must b try to make him independent ..............as u told he is very much attached to u n his father. its ok . dont try to ignore him or say u r not doing so n so .......... fine its ok. if u avoid him, avoid in such a way that he does not realise . soppose he is there to ask u about his studies ........ amazingly n with little odd face say i m sorry i forgot how to do or what does it means . say i m sorry to say that .. [even if u know u have to do this. ] i will find out ........ main point both of u dont have to do this at same time . he will come to know. i hope u got me. n shyingly say dear if u find the answer will u tell me. or else sometime if ur younger brother asks me n i wont know he will laugh at me . u r my clever boy plz do it for me. if he does not come down to ask u something ,u can do it . go to him ,ask something to him n talk the same . but remember it should not b of ur younger sons studies or else he will feel its like u help him in his studies n all.
see its very difficult for me to explain u each n every point . i hope u r clever enough to understand those .
most important thing i repeat do all the things slowly seperately dont let him blink a little also .
if any issues do write again ........ working on this path steady n slow will definately help u. if u have any douts u can again write to me i check in this daily .
sorry if i m wrong some where or anything which hearted u .
Thanks a lot for your kind words.
Well I am trying most of the things which u hv suggested .
Still I think as a parent I have a long way to go.
Thank you once again. Definetely I will post you regarding his improvements.
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