Need urgent help for my 10 year old son

10 replies, Page 1

tanujaravi 2013-02-22 11:01:36


My 10 yr old son is studying in class 4 in I.C.S.E syllabus hence he has enough to study .We never wanted to pressurise him so till date we have not put him in any classes like drawing, karate etc.He is very sincere in his school work and does his H.W everyday without fail.

I take his studies at home and help him in his academic work.As of now he is good in academics. As the class level goes higher it is obvious that the writing and studies will be slightly more. Nowadays it is difficult to manage time at our disposal since almost 7 hours he is in school and then he needs to do his H.W , hence everyday it is just not possible to devote time for his studies.

His handwriting is getting worst day by day. When I ask him he says teachers dictates very fast hence I can't concentrate on the handwriting part which is a valid reason given by him and I understand his situation.

Yesterday he was crying when I asked him to study for his exams which is due.He says that one or two class friends of his tease him as dull and he says that they seem to be angry with me and hence I don't want to study and bring good marks otherwise my friends will be jealous and I will lose my friends since they will not like me and they may stop talking to me.

In another instance since he has a good voice,we thought of putting him to singing classes near our house for which his reaction was I will stop singing completely because If I sing nicely you will put me in classes which I don't want to go. As parents we have never forced him on anything and nor till date we have put him in any classes and he is aware of this too.
As a mother I am worried about why is he reacting so negatively most of the times ?

Can anyone please help me as to how I need to handle this situation tactfully without hurting my son since he is a sensitive boy.


Rubu 2013-02-22 14:40:49


my child hates hates attending any classes...

We as parents unknowingly put pressure on our kids. My child used to go to tennis class and started hating it.. being compared with other kids took its toll on her.

So thats it. I ve decided no classes for her for now... When she wants sth I will send her else let her have pure fun with  me...

Spend more time with him and he will be fine...


KALPAN 2013-02-22 16:08:45


I feel you should take up the matter with his teacher and complaint about the kids who are teasing him. There are certain groups in classes who neither studies nor allow others to study. You should teach your son about good/bad company at this stage and tell him to keep away from such friends.  The class teacher may help him in this.

As advised you need to spend more time with me and give reassurance and comfort level at home which will give him his confidence again.

There is one group  on parentree 'Ask Aanchal'. you can take up the matter with her. Her advices are always practical and useful.

Take care



ksb78 2013-02-22 16:56:25


Hi Tanuja!

You have gotten few good advices...I have 2 small kids so I dont have personal experiences..I would suggest to hold off complaining to the class teacher for dont like the matter to be public...obviously friends are important....go confidences with your child...explain to him that he need not bother about people who base their friendship on conditions....he will always find friends who will value him for who he is...please support whole heartedly...anyways this academic year is about to will have summer vacations and when the new year starts hopefully all the kids will start on a fresh note...

Keep up your good efforts and god bless!


tanujaravi 2013-02-23 08:45:08


Dear Rubina,

I think you missed one of the things mentioned in my note. As parents we have never forced him to do anything without his consent and liking.

Till date he has not attended any classes. He only goes to school.

He is not attending any private coaching nor tutions.

I  am the one who takes his studies at home.

You are right  I too strongly believe that we should not pressurise our child.












tanujaravi 2013-02-23 08:50:01


Dear Kalpan,

As suggested by you I will try to post my query to the group "Ask Aanchal " You are right I agree that  Aanchal gives advices that are practical and useful.

Thanks  a lot for those  wonderful suggestions.






tanujaravi 2013-02-23 08:51:50


Dear Kavita,

Thanks for the wonderful suggestions !!






brave 2013-02-25 12:41:57


for writing slow - check his fine motor skills and try to improve it

abt friends - talk to his teahcers,nowadays boys bully thier classmates

to build confidence- encourage him to do what he likes in an unstructed manner ...dont send him to classes..

tell him marks is not everything


tanujaravi 2013-02-25 14:14:30


Dear brave,

Thanks a lot for the wonderful suggestions !!





Rubu 2013-02-25 16:38:38



Taken from somewhere else. just see if it helps

Here are some other strategies to discuss with kids that can help improve the situation and make them feel better:

  • Avoid the bully and use the buddy system. Use a different bathroom if a bully is nearby and don't go to your locker when there is nobody around. Make sure you have someone with you so that you're not alone with the bully. Buddy up with a friend on the bus, in the hallways, or at recess — wherever the bully is. Offer to do the same for a friend.
  • Hold the anger. It's natural to get upset by the bully, but that's what bullies thrive on. It makes them feel more powerful. Practice not reacting by crying or looking red or upset. It takes a lot of practice, but it's a useful skill for keeping off of a bully's radar. Sometimes kids find it useful to practice "cool down" strategies such as counting to 10, writing down their angry words, taking deep breaths or walking away. Sometimes the best thing to do is to teach kids to wear a "poker face" until they are clear of any danger (smiling or laughing may provoke the bully).
  • Act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop, then walk away. Practice ways to ignore the hurtful remarks, like acting uninterested or texting someone on your cell phone. By ignoring the bully, you're showing that you don't care. Eventually, the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you.
  • Tell an adult. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom personnel at school can all help stop bullying.
  • Talk about it. Talk to someone you trust, such as a guidance counselor, teacher, sibling, or friend. They may offer some helpful suggestions, and even if they can't fix the situation, it may help you feel a little less alone.

tanujaravi 2013-02-25 18:36:45


Dear Rubina,

Thanks a lot.






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