Is my child slow?

7 replies, Page 1

vineetarishi 2011-08-30 14:27:12

 

Hi

I am a working mother of two children . My son will be 6 in Sept and my daughter will be 2 in December. My problem is that I think my son is very slow at things but cant judge if its normal for children of his age to have this speed. A lot of times I lose my patience and speak harshly to him and then remorse hits me badly when i recount my behaviourwith him sometimes. Please tell me if its normal for a boy of his age to :

  1. take 20 mins to get up at 7.00 in the morning- (i start waking him up at 6.40 am)
  2. take half hour sitiing on the potty (he washes his face before he begins but sleeps on the "couch" - i do atleast 5-6 rounds of "are u done" by the time he cleans himself up.)
  3. 5 mins ot brush his teeth
  4. half hour to take a bath - if he is doing it on his own uninteruppted by any reminders to be quick. If I give him a bath its a max of 10 mins.
  5. take one hour to finish  two worksheets of homework- all of which he can easily do it on his own and he knows it all - but just doesnt want to finish it quick- which shud take a max of 15 mins.
  6. he takes tennis lessons and is the most sluggish child on the court. what drills the other kids finish in 5 mins he will take 10 mins to complete the task.
  7. He always responds only on the 4th or 5th time someone asks/calls him. I actually took him to and ENT to check if he has any hearing problems- but she said his hearing was normal. My inlaws who take care of him at home have started speaking very loudly to him and he in turn is picking up and talks very loudly even in normal conversations.

Does my son have a problem? if yes - what shoud i do- please help me - either i will lose it or my poor child will have a shoddy perception of himself as he grows up as everyone at home (my inlaws and husband - and on a bad day i sometimes join in too) reprimands him. I need to have a bench mark to tell everyone at home that its normal for kids his age to behave like this - but if its a problem please suggest some measures to reduce the chaos and to help my child.

Thanks


aanchal 2011-08-30 16:40:21

 

he seems to be behaving in a typical childlike way of getting attention from people around. unfortunately, he is fetching only negative attention.

  • point one, if he gets the desired positive attention, his behavior will improve.
  • point two, for a child to have enough motivation from inside, there has to be less pressure from outside. it works on a simple level mechanism. you put pressure, the motivation drops. you release pressure, the motivation pops up. so you need to be easy with him to help him regenerate his inner motivation and drive.
  • point three, the more you scold him, the more he will behave this way to fulfill your prophecy of him being 'lazy, incapable, impossible'. you should never use names to tag him. focus on the behavior and not on the child.
  • point four, sometimes in the hush-rush of life, we start expecting too much from the elder child, assuming that he is big enough to take care of himself. as a result, when there is  a need to pay attention to him, frustration crops up. treat him age-wise and not birth-order wise.
  • point five, keep a positive attitude towards him. ask all family members to be gentle and loving. help him develop a positive self-esteem as thats the greatest asset that you can give him as a gift..your behavior will have a lifelong effect on his self-image.
  • point six, manage your schedule in a way that it allows you 10-15 minutes delay from kid's side. your own rushed up schedule shouldnt drive your kids from one routine to another in a frenzy.
  • point seven, read these books, "how to talk to kids so they listen and how to listen so they talk" and  "60 minute mother"..amazing insights :)
 

vineetarishi 2011-08-30 17:58:20

 

Thanks aanchal - so you think his behaviour or the time he is taking for all these activities isnt abnormally high. Its just attention seeking which he probably isnt getting enough of. .. Phew ...  will try to incorporate the pointers you have mentioned. But what about forgetfullness? e.g. he goes for an aero-modelling class in his school conducted once a week after school . He actually forgot to bring back the paper model of the aeroplane he  made during class. Plain forgot ..... we have lost some 11 gluesticks in class snce school began and I have lost count of the pencils and erasers. Do you think he has a genuine problem? He is an extremely shy child. I am compeltely fine with it. I never push him to become an extrovert and am comfortable with his personality type- but do u think he will have problems coping with the future - as the world is an extremly competitive place. Dont we ought to prepare them atleast a bit for the taste of things to come or let them live in this dreamy world till they are mature enough.....

 

aanchal 2011-08-30 18:15:17

 

relax!! he is just 6 years old..he will adapt to the harsh world when he grows up..right now you dont need to worry about it...about forgetfulness, test him on his memory..if that comes out fine, then its a matter of absent mindedness and not poor memory.

 


busy 2011-08-31 11:20:42

 

My daughter is 6 years old, she is typically the same as your son.  She takes longer time for any work that she do starting from brusing - eating - bathing - worksheets etc.  i used to shout at her, but then it did not work out.   now i had given her a time slot for every work that she does brusing 5mins, bathing 10 mins etc.. i had also told her that she has grown up and if i had to do her work everyone will think she is still a kid.  She does not like to be called a kid (she thinks she is not a kid) so she will max try to complete her work within the time frame.  I still struggle but she is improving day by day.. allow the kid to do her / his work for themself.. i do not polish her shoes, i do not take the toy back and put it in her cupboard i ask her to do her work for her self.  It will take time, it is very hard but kids will slowly change.

 

virutcham 2011-08-31 12:58:37

 

Hi

 

your concern is understandable. Leaving the child to be lathargic expecting that just 6 yers old and will be alright soon or pushing hard on him to speed up things both donot help.

Spending time with the kid in the night / over weekends playing telling stories builds a lot of wrapo and strong bond btween the parent and kid.

Then setting some target time  for each activity and a reward point  to acheive the same and buying his favorite thing once he mets  enough rewards points will help

virutcham

http://www.virutcham.com/category/kids-corner/

 

mizzs 2011-08-31 17:53:06

 

Does he have the same issues at school? Does he lag behind in completing his tasks on time?

 

vineetarishi 2011-09-02 15:27:05

 

Well there are no complains from school so far. He seems to know everything thats taught in class but he never speaks or tells us at home  abt what happened at school. Teachers have told me he is fine - they have no issues or complains. As Aanchal has suggested I will try out the pointers.Thanks evryone for your suggestions and replies. Virutcham- we actually have reading sessions every night before he sleeps and are pretty well bonded in that manner. My worry that I have expressed is - are these charachtersitics that I have brought out - are they reflective of a deeper problem. But as per Anchal - it looks like attention seeking tactics more than anything else. Busy - thks for the tips and missz- Have answered your question.

 

 

 

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