incomplete work in school

his behavior clearly shows that he doesnt like to go to school. first and foremost thing for you, dont be anxious..your obvious anxiety could make him more anxious..in many kids, this is a passing phase..its called holidays hangover..but yes, if it continues for more than couple of weeks, its definitely a sign of concern. from your post i am not clear if you are talking to your son about his day at school once he comes back..all kids would want to stay at home and not go to school. but once they reach the school premises, they meet their friends and enjoy the day. the problem doesnt lie in not wanting to go to school. the problem lies in lack of studies and play there. you may have to find out why this is happening. the problem could have roots in reality or in his fantasy. for example:

• he has had bad experience at school (toilet accident, falling in the mud)
• some teacher scolded or threatened him badly some time ago
• someone bullies him in bus or at school
• he doesnt understand what is being taught
• he is unable to make friends
• he is facing language/culture/status barrier
• he has heard of stories like 'someone got trapped in school bathroom for n number of hours'
• someone has told him something like, "i will take away all your toys from your home when you are school"
• he fears that something bad may happen to you when he is not with you
• you always tell him how bored you get when he is not with you and he feels guilty to be away from you
• he is suffering from low self-esteem and poor self-confidence

there can be many more things that could be going on in his little mind. the main point is to find out. once you find out, it will be easier to help him get out of this.

and no, dont put him any class to increase his activity level or cheerfulness. it will, on the contrary, backfire.

couple of things that you can do right now are:

• invite over his school friends to have play-dates. befriend their mothers too.
• tell him stories from your school days (without sounding moralistic)
• read him pleasant stories based on school experiences
• coach him on his learning difficulties to help him boost his self-confidence
• display his school work on a board at home. it will help him form a bridge between school and home life.
• never scold him for lagging behind in his school work
• do not tell him that his teacher called up to complain about him(which many parents do, to encourage the child study better)
• do not hover over him to share his school experiences. give him time and space.

 HI ria and aanchal,

ria i think aanchal has given lots of suggestions to you on this problem...'i ahave also faced such a problem whan my kid was in playgroup ... she use to just cry and cry.... the overall nature of my child is very cheerful she likes playing with kids and also interacting with others... but i was not able to understand why was she crying a lot at playschool her teacher was also too good but then too. she use to disturb other kids... one fine day i decided to go over the playgroup when and see personally .. what was the problem... i realised that she was crying a lot and her teacher was making her understand not to cry otherwise she will be taken to another room....... then i realised that she was taken to another room .. were she was force to seat ..... she was crying like anything.... i was really depressed then i took a final decision and went and talk to her teacher and explained her that i think she is not comfortable with the atmosphere here......... so irequeste dher if she can refund my fees.. for the tenure left....

that same day  i admitted my child in another playgroup ..... from the day one at that playgroup she was completely normal and she njoyed going. there....... i was really relieved from the biggest tension... at that moment....

ria i will suggets you try to find out the problem don't ask your child try to find out in some another way..... as i did....

 hey aanchal i tried your nofuss cake .... it was too yummy... thanks... aanchal...

 hi aanchal can you hepl me with my below problem:::::::::::

my child is studing in a school near by my residence its just ten minutes walking... the school is upcoming and its an icse board the teachers the staff every body is too good..  there education system is also too good. my child enjoys at school and also studies well.. she has won many certificates from the scholl last year.. ia m very happy with my childs performance.. only problem is the crowd   ............ the crowd in  the school is very lower middle class the students come from very lower class family's so i am little bit worried regarding my child and her brought up.... i am really confuse what to do.... to stay inthe same school or not.... i am worried after growing up my child will go to there friends home... it will be very difficult for me to send my child to there places ...... if i change the school i have to travel a lot or send my child through bus services which my inlaws does not agree to that... ... what to do i am really worried about my childs future... i have tried speaking to inlaws regarding changing the school but they are telling if something goes wrong ... then u vl be responsilble for the same.... we are from well to do family ...so very much confuse... please help me... with this problem.. have anybody face such a problem????????????

too big a difference in class (socio economic status) between yours and that of the general group may have some effects on the child in the long run. how much effect and what kind of effect (positive vs negative), that depends on your child's personality and how you coach him on that.i am not clear which grade your child is in. from the first post, it seems he is in a lower grade..LKG or UKG..so my suggestion will be not to change the school right now (as he is happily going and learning)..may be later, you may consider.

 hi aanchal, my child is in sr.kg ... as i told u my child enjoys going to school ,, so i am little bit not worried regarding the atmosphere as .. my child enjoys at school... as you told me about changing the school may be i will think about it in latter stage say may be in 2nd standard     what do u feel which is the perfect age .. for changing the school..............

there is no such thing as perfect age for changing the school. you will have to decide that intuitively. but yes, let him continue as long as he is learning happily there.

Hi Krishna,

I had the same problem.. My child was studying in a good school where he was quite happy n it had one of the best sports facility.. But the only problem it had was its gentry which acc to my husband was a very big deal...So he shifted him to another school when he was in 3rd std.. It took almost a year for him to get adjusted to that school.. As the kids in all these "elite" schools form their own gangs where it becomes difficult for a newcomer to enter .

He use to come back from school n cry.. Believe me there was a time when I started thinking of shifting him to his old school but for my husband who insisted we wait for a year..  after that ofcourse he got adjusted n over a period of time became one of them .Now he is in 7th std..

So my suggestion would be if u have to compulsorily shift him, the sooner the better...

 thanks shiba and aanchal,the problem is that i am really confused yesterday was our parents teacher meeting and the crowd was so pathetic.. many parents were even not able to understand what teacher and principal was addressing.... i am really worried as my child is very bright and she loves to go to school.. what u feel is it proper for my child to get educated in such a school were students come from such low class.. there is a huge difference of living style..... as its an icse school... i am really worried .. lets see how it works for my child... and yes shiba as u told me.. i will talk to my husband rergarding this.. as u told sooner the better... the second thing is if i change the school i have to send my child in school bus thats another problem as my in laws will never agree to that... lets see if i can talk to my husband and make him understand..... regarding the changing of school as soon as possible....