Kids Hesitant to Write

33 replies, Page 1

Ratnam 2009-07-19 17:40:51


Hi Friends ,


Can you advise what to do if a 3.5 yrs old kid is not ready to write alphabets n numbers even though he knows that ?

PD 2009-07-19 19:51:04


Hi Ratnam,

Would u be able to clarify "not ready to write"? Do u mean he does not want to or that u feel he is not yet ready to start?

I personally think U shud just let him be and give him lots of opportunities for fun things to do with crayons, pens, paint drawing, painting and so on. Children write when they are physically and emotionally "ready" to write in terms of development. You cannot force a child to write, just like you cannot force him to walk before he can crawl and sit and stand....there are milestones even in writing and all you can do is provide a fun environment for him to want to do it. Reading is a more important skill than writing, especially at this age. An interest in reading print leads to an interest in copying or writing print. Lots of activities with fingers help them develop those small muscles which are needed for better grip and coordination in writing - like fixing clothes pins on clothes, play dough activities, threading beads, etc.

These are some things I did with my son to make writing fun and to teach him indirectly why and how we use writing in our lives........he is now 4...he hated being forced to write and hated me correcting his I just let him be for a while.....and made it clear to the school that that was not important to me, and that I was confident it would come eventually. Now all of a sudden he wants to write all the time and draw all the time!

1. During pretend play we would write shopping lists / prescriptions (whatever he scribbled on the paper was accepted)

2. I made it a point to write down telephone messages / numbers, lists, cheques, sign / write in cards, letters etc. in front of him so that he would ask me what I was doing and why. I think children need to understand how and why we use writing in our day to day life.

3. I gave him lots of opportunity to draw and paint as he liked - choice of colours, strokes, etc....we make cards and paintings that we get framed or printed on tshirts etc. for all family members' birthdays. Appreciation of creativity is very important.....and it should not matter whether they paint purple leaves  or draw a black sun! Children like to stretch their imagination and bend rules....we must allow them to do so when we can......

4. My son loves Thomas the tank engine and his we started learning alphabets and their sounds through the names of the trains. And then I got him to draw those and wrote their names for him. He loved that and developed an interest to write. It makes sense to get them to start reading and writing with what appeals to them most!

I'm sure lots of parents would have lots more ideas and thoughts to share with u!






aanchal 2009-07-20 14:55:16


hi ratnam,

priya has told you some fantastic ways..use them and see how yr child responds..he should be able to develop interest in writing soon.

however, it would be more useful for us to know the details of his problem. like priya asked, is he not able to write, or not willing to write? also, is reading age-appropriate? are other activities like beading, coloring, using remote-control, done appropriately?

do keep us posted about yr remedial actions and his responses.


Ratnam 2009-07-22 00:29:07


Hi Priya n Aanchal ,

Thank u for your sugesions.. Am already on these stuffs.. He very well know to write , does all other activities like beading , match the following , odd man out , building blocks , loves reading , sings nicely , dance very well ..

Only thing not ready to write in Four Line book n Number columns. Even n Slate he starts with L , transforms it into lot of other alphabets n Numbers by rubbing n modifyg.

No patience , stubrn . Whn he s n mood he will do anything..

Don't sit in one place love to rom around. But very observative. Morethan that very emotional..

Remarkable Memory .. I don't understand why teachers feel he s different than others  n behaviour .

Pls tell me does he have any behavoiural problems ? Or gradually things will change ? .

Thank u .





Ratnam 2009-07-22 00:33:25


Also priya , pls let me know  from whr u got  learning mtrl for " alphabets and their sounds through the names of the trains " , since my son is also very much crazy of trains . We downloaded some stuffs from Alphabet Express ..


Ratnam .



aanchal 2009-07-22 09:06:50


dear ratnam,

kids go through phases of different behavior. they try out a range of mood and behavior to understand what will be accepted and what will not be. some kids stick to the acceptable behavior to gain our approval, while some stick to the other side to get the attention. sit down and talk to yr son whats bothering him. he is surely a bright boy, but unable to channelize his potentials.

has this stubbornness, defiance always been there? or is it a recent change? has something happened in yr family structure, some big change? has something bad happened at school?change of favorite teacher?loss of best friend?ask the teachers why they consider him different from others..different in what sense?

talk to yr child, that will bring respite to both of u..from what u r describing about his behavior, u need to handle his emotions first and then coach him on the formation of alphabets on 4lined papers, when he is ready.

whats yr email id?


Ratnam 2009-07-22 23:45:57


Dear Aanchal

My email id s . Ones he started schooling ( from 2yrs Play School ) he s hghly emotional .




Palls 2009-07-23 10:44:29


Hi Rathnam,

I went thru the above postings of yours as well as of Anchal N Priya.

Even 2.5 yrs back i faced the same problem, but today my son writes well ( ofcourse if he's in a mood). Initialy i started him to do the free hand colouring, even a small milestone needs to be appreciated to them , they feel very confident.

My son also went thru the same turmoil, every one branding him as a naughty boy, different from others, even today i'm trying my best to erase those branding from his mind. I even took him to Madras Dyslexia Association thinming that he has dyslexia problem, but that to some how didn't work & finally me n my husband jointly took the responsibility to instill the confidence in him that he's a very good boy n can do anything.

i think you should see his teacher N understand exactly what's the problem that she's facing in handling your son. Put him some creative classes, like drawing/painting, take him out to beach, spend as much time as possible with him to understand what n where is the problem.

The big mistake what i did was to put my son in to LKG straight with out he attending Prekg at the age of 3.1yrs & they started making him write n he was branded like he's very slow in writing where as he never wrote in his earlier days N all of a sudden he was put in to high pressure to perform.

only thing what want to tell you that fill the confidence in him & make him feel that you r there for him, that feeling itself is eneough for a child to build the confidence & open up with you, also ask him what did he do in school? who are his freinds? bring him lots of books like noody story books, grow with pepper n bruno like wise.

Hope this will suffice, if any thing is there do let us know.

Take care


PS- I forgot to ask you, are you a working mother or atsying at home? n is he a single child?


Ratnam 2009-07-24 00:00:12


Thanks Pallavi,

Am a Working mother & he s our single child. He satred play school by 23r Month & from 28th month Nursery ..

His confidence level is very high in what ever he does . Actually we had home maid from our native till he completed 26months . When we came to know some shocking tings happening related to her ( She was unmarried & was alone with our kid at our home ( flat system ) we dropped her back n introduced him to Baby Sitter. Eventhen he was fine. once his nursery demanded him to sit & start writing etc.. he started behaving different . 

Then we strtd analysing what can be the reason behind it. Our maid never used to take him to play with other children .. very pocesive like even she didn't like him calling me amma , instead she forced him to call her amma & me by name ..

So, we felt something wrong has went during that period which our son is not able to express & that aggression s precipitating now..

But after doing lot of activities together , games etc he has improved 75% atleast ..

Iam happy for that. But then too ..I feel guilty . My absence put my child in trouble ..

Rgds / Ratnam



Palls 2009-07-24 10:14:23


Hi Rathnam,


do not feel guilty about it, all working mothers are facing the same problem today N i'm also one among them. we need to manage too many things at a short notice.

we can discuss about it, do call me in your free time.

Take Care


Pallavi S



umasworld 2009-07-24 15:16:16


Pallavi, it might not be a great idea to publish your number for safety reasons. I use the mailbox to share personal information so that it does not fall in the wrong hands - just thought I'll alert you.

Ratnam, the writing per se need not be a cause for concern - some kids take longer than the others...

Some of the high IQ kids do have small attention spans and are likely to be impatient. Some don't really finish tasks that they start and don't focus on one activity fo a prolonged period. One of the reasons is that they grasp things quickly and are eager to move on to the next task. A good child psychologist can guide you to handle this effectively. I used to take my daughter to the peadiatric team in Vijaya Hospital and they had a psychologist who did a quarterly assessment (they call it 'Developmental Assessment' and start from 3 months upwards): this involved milestones that covered developmental aspects like 'physical, cognitive, emotional, etc.. I found it useful. They tell you why kids react they way they do - once you understand the cause for the behaviour, you empathise and it is easier therefore to handle. Especially, it helps to know that certain traits that are traditionally scorned are actually quite normal in kids and nothing to be worried about...

You could give it a try.




Palls 2009-07-24 16:30:21


Thanks Uma for the advice, it didn't strike me at all that every one can see my No.


At one point of time each one of us would have gon through or going through the phase what you are actually going thru now. i'm also a working mother for last 12 yrs & have a 5yr old son & i'm on my way of my family expansion, family expansion was the need of the hour for us because our son was feeling very lonely, now he's actually very excited about the new arrival whihc is on its way.

Dont get upset for all the things, try what Uma has suggested N lets see how it works.

Take Care


Uma tel me how do i take of my No from the is series of trail mail.


umasworld 2009-07-24 17:05:22



I'm not sure if you can edit/ delete your posts. You can seek help from the Parentree team though - you could write to either Shobha or Sathya, they can help you.



jayabs 2009-07-24 17:09:26


you can delete ur posts...that can be done..though editing cannot be done after posted..!



Ratnam 2009-07-24 22:31:24


Thanks Uma for your suggestion . I tried out with a proffesional from Borivili , but didn't find effective. Whr do you stay? & the hospital u mentioned is situated whr?






sathya 2009-07-25 10:14:42


>I'm not sure if you can edit/ delete your posts.

Yes, you can delete your own post. There is a delete button that is shown above it.

Pallavi - We have removed the phone number from your post.





Palls 2009-07-25 10:16:25


Thanks a ton Sathya.


Ratnam 2009-09-30 22:40:43


Hi friends ,

Am back with some new issue . 2 weeks before my son started writing himself . So we were very happy . But today when i met his teacher she was telling he has started writing himself but not in proper sequence unless some one beside him & ask to do. at every point of time he need someone to back up  otherwise he won't write even if he knows .

Also he was asking her can I call u mummy ?

She was telling me even orally he s not giving the proper order nowadays which he was an expert before . Mainly not interested n doing anything . But activities like match the follwing , counting n writing etc he s doing . More than that he asks so many logical question which none of his classmates even think about. 

She was telling that if he don't write properly by end of this year they won't allow her to promote him to Sr. K.G. He turned 3yrs 10months today.

Also she was asking me to take a break or send him to someone who s close to our family & make him write without force atleast for 30mins per day.

I need some advice from u all . pls help me out bcos taking break for 3-4 months from present job is out of ? for me .

thanks n rgds / ratnam



Nanshash 2010-11-18 09:28:33


Hi ratnam,

After reading the prob u hv mentioned the child is facing I think he might need a professional help(a special educator) and trust me its worth it. Children who get help at an earlier age do very well. I am a special Educator and a mother of a child with ADHD.The child may hv sequencing problems and also some bit of discrimination issues.Pls approach one ASAP. I din get where u hv put up city, pls do let me know I shall sure guide u.





Alokvarshney 2011-01-04 03:22:29


I live in Meerut.
My son has mild Dyslexia,
have few of the above mentioned problems.
Where I can get help.


Ratnam 2011-01-05 00:24:20


Hi Nanditha ,

Thank you for ur reply abt Sped . The post u read abt my son's issue was posted my me during last year. Now he is the best student in the class academically. But personally we feel he need a SPED training as far as sitting n one place , attention , discrimination issues are concerned . We are in Mumbai. How abt you? We are already consulting a behavioral therapist n he is undergoing some behavior therapy n other activities to improve abv mentioned issues as she she felt he is not showing absolute signs of ADHD. He just turned 5yrs last month. Anyway as she also don't want him to develop any language n discrimination , attention issues at later stages after her assessment this month , we are planning to approach a SPED professional. But not any medication as we all feel he has changed a lot with all exercises we did so far.

If u hv any suggestions u are most welcome.

thanks Ratnam



RajeevRM 2011-05-20 11:22:05


Dear All - I just joined the group. My kid is 4 yrs old now. For sometime he have been noticing some chnages in him. Initially it was fun but later realized that it may be worth taking a step back to check and hit upon this website

Some of the symptoms mentioned by Ritu hold good for my kid as well like - impatient, stubborn, good memory, good observation and addl things like likes painting, doesnt sit in one place, very hyper, recites alphabets and numbers till 15-20, freq says  "I dont know", forgets sequence etc. Does match the following, odd things out well... He has tested our patience to the core

Here is what we have observed -

Difficulty in understanding the concept of 4 lines. Doesnt know where to start. Writes in plain paper but sometime it is mirror image like "A" is written upside down,"2" is written upside down, difficulty in writing curved letter like G, C, D etc. He is happy to write letters which has just straight lines like E,F etc. Sometimes the words E & F gets interchanged.

Let us know how to proceed like should we consult a child psychologist to start with etc and also if you know, who all are good doctors in Bangalore for such cases

Note: I have not yet concluded that my kid may have dyslexia but symptoms mentionedin website and in this thread force me think so.

Thanks in advance

Regards, Rajeev


GeethaL 2012-09-30 13:08:44


 I am also facing similar issues my son of 4 year old. He is not attentive in shool not writing , or playing cheerfully with his friends. I am worried. I need help of someone as he was fine trying to find a child counsellor to find if his school is troubling him from which he is frustrated... Pl suggest.. One and half year back when i took my son to outing with all of our office collegues everybody was surprised with his intelligence but after putting him in school i am hearing lots of complaints from teachers in nursery and also now in LKG that he is not listening, moving with friends , writing the main part... Can somebody help with child counsellors or suggest some ways....




reddyvidya 2013-06-05 13:36:57


 hi ..

i have the same pb. My son is 7 years old and he is in class 2.. he writes very slow and cant able to complete the notes whatever writes on the black board. he writes the home works also very slow.. he tells its very difficult to write this mummy... he will learn the tables or spelings but he forgets also.......... we have to tell him to write ... he write 1 line and see around . yaning ... and he takes so much time.... my husband always bet him that he wont read nicely.. i wl make him to join in Govt. School... i am very upset... he is active in all sports..  so please tell me how to handle my son...



aanchal 2013-06-06 10:32:41


i wish beating/scolding/threatening the kids could make them read or write!!!

ReddyVidya: if you live in bangalore, you may bring your son to me for an observation. i will try to help him out. please send me a personal message about this


reddyvidya 2013-06-07 13:15:15



sure.. i ll bring him to you.. how can i contact you ...



aanchal 2013-06-08 16:25:03


reddyvidya: i have sent you a personal message


Hasu 2013-08-29 12:22:58


 Hi Vidya, did u get any solution with ur son, if so please help me same issues and problems with my 7+ year old son.


rukumini 2014-01-22 13:12:00


Hi All,

I am from Chennai and I just joined the group.
Almost all the post seems so familiar with the current situation I am facing with my Son (he is 4 years old now, and undergoing LKG in CBSE school and a single child).

He has a good memory and observation in drawing and other interactive stuffs, but a bit hyper and is not able to sit in one place, without doing multiple activities.
When ever I try to make him right, he forces me to hold his hand and write for him. He always prefers alphates to Number writing.
When every i make him write numbers he always says I forgot, do not remember, or asks me to hold his hand and write. I dont know whether he is telling to skip the writing or he really has some problem identifying numbers.
At times he also has some problem with 2,3,5....the numbers looks similar to mirror images when he copies them.
He loves playing all day. I do agree its the age for playing, but at school they are well ahead in academics.
I don't know how other children cope with this. For LKG they have all Capita letters, Small letters and now started cursive writing & 3 letters words in English. And in Matchs, they have completed writing 1-100, already and now doing number names.

I also thought of chaging school, but am afraid if it doesn't help him. He likes the current school, but I feel the portions are turning to pressure.
I feel the children today are very presurised. I do not want to force him as its already discouraging him.
Please suggest how we can make him learn better.
He does all his match the following, odd one out activities with great interest and is too good in those. Even a very small difference he identifies.

Please help in suggesting how we can overcome this phase. I do not want to upset him or get dislike studies.




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