60 replies, Page 1

saki 2009-09-17 22:09:26


 my child is  ADHD , he is 7 years old studying in std1 can urll suggest me the way to help him overcome it,


aanchal 2009-09-17 22:24:20


hi saki,

thats a very open question..ADHD can be of several kinds and the remediation differs in each case..have u received a formal diagnosis by a doctor?

i can tell u more if u give me some more details.


saki 2009-09-26 10:37:18


hi aanchal

thanx to here from u . iwill let u know things in detail. my son has ADHD combined type , where his hyperactivity, impusivity and inattention is on higher side, which is a severe ADHD case. as his doctor has suggested him occupational therapy with sensory integration and mediction also.i would like toknow is it right treatment or something more is required . Also is medication will harm him in long term .


aanchal 2009-10-05 09:41:54


hi saki,

for ADHD, its best that a dr and therapist work together for the child. however, the dose and kind of medicines should be double checked. some doc may give high dose for speedy improvement or 'banned' drugs for convenience. it is recommended that u take guidance from 2 different docs.check on websites before starting any medicines.also, confirm with the doc, the possible reasons of yr son's ADHD symtoms- lifestyle induced, hormones-induced or behavioral maladaptation.

food intake also should be taken care of in ADHD. sweets, chocolates, cold drinks and sweetened foods increase u r non-vegetarian), walnuts, almonds improve concentration ability. poor nutrition levels also make a child hyper(and irritable+impulsive). so see, if he is eating and growing well..try pure  lavender oil and sandalwood oil(not scents, but essential oils) to calm him down. u can use these oils in massage, bathing water or diffusers..trampoline, clay work, sandpits, work very well for kids with inattentiveness.

psychoanalytically. ADHD can also be an expression of boredom, anger, frustration in the kid..u may want to look at that aspect too.

see, wholistic approach works best with u got to take care of everything..his diet. water intake, glucose balance, rest, sleep (yes, rest and sleep mean 2 different things to kids), play time(structured and free, both), indoor and outdoor games played (outdoor games, rough playing help in lowering restlessness in some kids) study time, hobbies, time consumed in commuting everyday (long commuting hours may result into restlessness and irritability), sports-coaching(to take out the extra energy that he feels pent up inside), TV habits, computer games (ADHD is directly proportional to time spent on TV and comp)

so u can take care of these things and be a home-therapist to yr son! take care


saki 2009-10-14 23:34:07


hi aanchal,

thanx for your feedback and guidiance . i  am already doing things what you havementioned in ur note, but still i m not able to give him maximum attention as i should give him , coz i have 2 yrold child who is also hyperactive and  aggressive .at the end of the day i get stressed which leads me in frustration .an d i loose my patience. still i m working on it, and trying to nbe as clm as possible . if you have something to say please let me know.


aanchal 2009-10-15 10:42:58


u r in a rough sea, saki..having a 2 year old hyperactive kid can be the most frustrating job on hand..this age brings lot of dilemnas in a child, thus making him very aggressive. he strives for independence, but fears it at the same time..its called rapproachment..the ambivalence the child feels is reflected in his behavior as well.. he will want a toffee, and then not want it..then he will cry for something else and reject it yet again..he will cry and not know why..nothing pacifies him..and that frustrates the mother beyond limits.

there are many things here, that are important..i will try to frame them in points:

1) be consistent..if u dont give chocolates the first thing in the morning, then do not give, no matter how much the child cries. by crying for something that is a no-no, the child tests the mother's limits and her ability to stick to her guns. though he cries, but seeing her not budging gives him lot of relief also, that she can be trusted upon, that she does what she says..inconsistent behavior from your  side can confuse and frustrate yr child a lot

2)use distractions..when a child is crying for that 6.00 a.m. chocolate, he is not in a mood to listen to adult logic of tooth-decay, intestinal worms and so on. its safer and better to distract him than to repeatedly say NO. if its very frustrating for u, just leave the child for a couple of minutes, regain yr composure and try again to distract.

3) hug, kiss, touch and talk..more often than not, children cry unreasonably coz they want attention. get down on yr knees, make eye contact, stroke him, kiss him, hug him and tell him 'i love u' 10 times..then tell him naughtily and with some drama that u feel dizzy and cant hear a thing when he whines in that nasal pitch..that u would be able to listen better and comply more if he talks without whining (it has worked for my 2year old!)

4) give outlet..have pillow fights with yr kids, run with them in a park, have a screaming contest, dance together..believe me, it will do more wonders to u than to yr kids..tire them out so that they r too pooped to whine ;)

5) deworm..very often the intestinal worms make a child hyper, cranky, unreasonable and irritable..deworm him regularly.

if u have a support system to take care of kids for a while during the day, join something..anything u, aerobics, swimming, guitar, kitty-party, art-craft..dont pay attention to remarks like 'act yr age'


Ratnam 2009-10-16 00:09:30


hi aanchal


I agree with u . things u hv mentioned abv really works . do u hv any suggesion for diet to follow for problems we discussed for my son?






aanchal 2009-10-16 14:53:01


dear ratnam

i am afraid dietary changes alone cannot do much in case of writing problems..i have mentioned a few things to eat and avoid, in the beginning of this discussion..also, please check out this website u will find it very informative..hows yr son doing?n how r u?


saki 2009-10-18 22:59:21


hi aanchal,

Happy Diwali to you.

Your suggestions  r really worth trying , thanx  alot . I also wanted to mention about my younger one that he gets angry very fast, or i should say heis very rebellious. that makes my life more difficult. Can u tell me ,is ther any thing to calm him down .will play school work for him?


aanchal 2009-10-20 16:52:49



dear saki,

happy diwali to u too!

what u r facing with yr younger one is terrible two's. this is the age of rebellion, extreme curiosity, innate need to learn everything that adults r doing.. these 2year old kids strive for independence. they want to see how much control they have over their environtment. they want to check how much they can control their parents. feelings of lack of control makes them very frustrated and they show temper.( no wonder they are called 'pint-sized-teenagers' !!) it brings a lot of turmoil in parents' lives. they get stressed maintaining a fine balance between having and providing control.sometimes it is very difficult to decide how much allowance/freedom can u give.

see, the best shot is to give him some freedom in all areas to do things on his own, thus encouraging him to learn 'pretend-play' and preparing him to do the real thing soon nicely. for example, u can get him a kitchen set of his own and give him aatta-dough to roll out chapatis, cook it on his play-stove.he can be encouraged to 'feed' his dolls. u can pretend to eat his rotis too..gradually, when u feel he is ready, u can take some help from him in the kitchen..let him roll out rotis and u cook it on stove..serve it to yr will do wonders to his (yr son's) self-esteem. this kind of play keeps the child engaged, enourages creativity and imagination, keeps the control factor in check and makes him feel that he is doing things (that he is independent and 'big')..his frustration level will come down
i suggest u read this book 'how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' by faber and is one of the most wonderful book on parenting i have is so engaging that even fathers cant resist the temptation to read.

best wishes!



NJ 2009-11-02 11:13:13


How does one find out if their child has ADHD. How do/Can one spot symptoms of ADHD in a 1 yr old?


aanchal 2009-11-02 11:39:50


hi NJ,

yes, even 1 year olds can have the term 'infantile ADHD' and u will get answer to your question..ADHD is a serious condition and require medical and psychotherapeutic is not same is general over enthusiasm and aggression in careful before seeking medical help


Pavith 2009-11-02 17:55:53


Hi Aanchal,

I have some doubts in developmental disorders. my sis in law's son is 7yrs and is autistic. They r in california and he is undergoing therapies like OT and now ABA cos of delayed speech. Will he turn out to be a normal child? wat would be the causes for such probs as no one in our family have such problem.

V were totally ignorant about shuch probs that persist in kids. Only after his case v came to know that term autism.

Is there any best schools in chennai for such probs?

pls help me out in this regard.



aanchal 2009-11-02 21:50:44


hi pavithra, m sorry to hear about yr nephew. there are good places in india where autism is taken care of, btu i am sure he is getting good attention and care in california.(may be better).

autism, is a developmental disorder and unfortunately, there is no absolute cure..with good therapy, children show improvement..but normalcy is hard to attain..its best to attend the problem with multiple approach- dietery changes, OT, psychoanalytic intervention, animal assisted therapy, educational approach.

i stay in bangalore, and i have no clue about chennai options..but what i have heard  that there are few places in chennai that offer good interventions..if u google, u may find out.

take care.


Pavith 2009-11-03 10:08:06


Hey aanchal,

Thank u very much for ur reply yaar.

God should only help us in this case. really worried. lot of misunderstandings cos of his problem. their family is totally blaming my in laws for this cos he was born here and they keep blaming the hospital and the doctors. She had lot of stress at the time of delivery. lot of family probs, her in laws torture. everything was dere. can mental stress would be the cause for such probs?



NJ 2009-11-03 11:10:37


^ Even I'm thinking whether too much worry during pregnancy could have caused some probable behavior deviation in my kid. I was having a lot of worry during my pregnancy since I had a miscarriage prior to the 2nd pregnancy and had also a complication with my 2nd pregnancy and had to take mostly bedrest and also underwent a cervical cerclage. I have read that worry or stress does not cause autism and actual cause of autism is unknown. Sometimes I cant help wondering if it was the medicines I took during the cerclage procedure and during pregnancy to prevent preterm labour. I hope that your sisters son grows to overcome this and be able to grow up like a normal person..

Some causes though not entirely proven are drugs taken during pregnancy, brain damage during pregnancy or during birth, and genetic. Autism can range from mild to severe. Thats why its called a spectrum disorder. In mild cases, the person appears absolutely normal and the only observation would be unable to socialize. If a person is diagnosed with mild autism then they can normalize and control their behaviors through therapy. But severe autism is very difficult to normalize and it can present itself to be similar to other mental illness or retardation.


aanchal 2009-11-03 14:37:58


dear pavithra, mental stress during pregnancy can cause many problems like poor health, poor immunity, poor development, depressive states in mother  and baby, but it wont cause autism. autism has no emotional cause. if the diagnosis has been done by a good doc, the doc can counsel the inlaws of yr sister in law as to how it is not a fault of anyone..if the doc cant do that, may be u can find a literature on net , print it out and show it to them. if they refuse to consider yr point, then i see no point in counseling them any further..but u can try and talk to yr sister in law's husband..he must be too stressed by the reality of having a child with autism..the parents need lot of support, counseling and information.


PD 2009-11-03 16:24:39



There are many schools now in chennai esp. for kids with autism. Depending on the needs of the child and severity of the problem, and the kind of support one can give to the school, regular schools that are open to taking in kids with special needs is a good option as they have good role models to learn from then. In a special school, they are stuck with peers with similar problems and therefore do not understand or know what is expected.

Some of the schools in chennai for kids with autism are Vidya Sagar, We Can, Chrysalis and Sankalp. But they are usually full up as resources are limited.

I can help in other ways, if u like, if u can give me more info. or details and ask specific questions. We are discussing kids here, and no matter how much advice one gives online, the best way to do it is to watch the kid play and interact in person.

all the best.




Pavith 2009-11-04 09:59:18


Thank u very much frds for ur replies and positive feedback.

@aanchal - Conviencing my sis in law family is of course a difficult task and v r not ready to do that cos they r not that kind of ppl to listen. Our concern is about his son and his normality.

@Priya: my mail id - u can mail me ur contact details and will call u yaar.. Thank u very much. More while conversing..




saki 2009-11-08 11:23:23


hi pavithra

 problemof ur nephew is very similiar to my sisters daughter. she is autistic and she is 9 years old and still cant speak.  my sis had recently been to cochin  for  doc, whos very famous, i will definetly let u know from my sis . meanwhile u can also try CMC hospital Vellore.


chaitrakarpur 2010-02-05 12:34:32



iam chaitra 29yrs old, i do also have a son of 4yrs with ADHD, we came to know about this when he was 1.5yrs has never been easy for me as my hubby is always on the whole responsibility lies on me.......having said that we did all from visiting councellors ,reading more about the same .......over a period of time things have improved and i,am very happy to say all the above help suggested really concern is that we are planning for a second child will this affect or even worsen my son's condition as attention given to him shall deviate to great extent..


pls any mother with similar situation do give some feedback!


aanchal 2010-02-05 15:18:16


dear chaitra, has your child been clinically diagnosed with ADHD? if yes, how is his ADHD manifested? more as aggression or as restlessness?if as aggression, it might increase, coupled with sibling rivalry. ADHD or not, u need to prepare your child very well for the coming sibling..nobody likes to share the love of mother. so u need to guide him, educate him..i have mentioned some points on this in another discussion last month. hope it helps

all the best!!


swaths 2010-03-01 18:58:36


@aanchal...My 5+ son  has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and am trying to see which schools in Bangalore would be more flexible with him ? Do you have any ideas ?


aanchal 2010-03-02 11:21:41


@swaths..i am not sure about the names of specific schools that consider developmental problems. also, whether a school will take the child or not depends on the severity of the problem.

what i feel you can do is get a prognosis from a psychologist (prognosis means rate and chances of getting better). that, along with the diagnosis will help you talk to different schools.


swaths 2010-03-02 20:26:03


probably making a two way discussion...sorry abt that !

@aanchal...Thx for a quick reply..somehow am getting multiple diagnosis....a psychologist said that his is a form of mild autism (need to say that it was made in a span of 1 hour and my son was at his inattentive best if you know what I mean) and two other places ruled out autism and said its basically a case of ADHD meaning am confused now. He is under medication now and am not sure which places he should be going to. The psychologist refused to tell me about what the future lies for him (according to her we cannot predict even for a normal child and this is more complicated) so not sure what I should be doing ! But am trying to see if I can get any after school classes. Also looking at getting him into some sorts of sports coaching but his communication is still not adeuate for his age which has me worried. !



aanchal 2010-03-02 22:18:53


if there is something worse than having a problem in your child is to get confusing diagnosis from docs and not know which way to proceed. see, ADHD has been over-diagnosed these days. due to too much school work pressure, a child is required to sit-study-concentrate in a much more serious way than what was required when we were kids. i feel, our need of having a child concentrate has led to this overdiagnosis and thus to an increase in number of ADHD cases. its very important to get proper diagnosis. an over-enthusiastic child may not be clinically hyperactive and thus not need medicines at all. another thing, autism is a serious developmental disorder and it cannot be casually diagnosed and treated. if it is autism, the entire remedial approach will be totally different from that for ADHD. the medications, remedial sessions, everything is different. unfortunately if both are present in a child, the remediation is again different.

while few schools consider taking mild ADHD kids, there are special schools for developmental disorders. prognosis of ADHD is better than that of autism.

get a good evaluation from a special educator/ psychologist. i am sure some progress can be made in positive direction.


mickey 2010-03-26 11:50:12


Hi Aanchal,

I would like you to go to  this link of parentree

and suggest Shams of some good curriculum for her son. Her son is very active and a fast learner. He is hyperactive and needs to be kept busy with high memory and grasping power. She has come from US and wants to join her son in a good school in HYd  where more attention can be given to him.

Before suggesting any school and exploring other possibilities about the curriculum CBSE/ICSE/ IB -pyp /CIPP, I wanted to have your inputs/suggestion as soon as possible.

In IB -pyp ,they have a different way of teaching. I would like to know , if we can go for traditional methods of teaching which he has been enjoying in Ooty for the past one month or go for Waldorf kind of play way method.

An early response would be highly appreciated.






aanchal 2010-03-26 12:32:02


dear mickey,

i went thru the discussion. i cant tell you anything about which particular school to choose(as i dont know anything personally about hyderabad schools), but i will try to help you out with other aspects

1) if the child is going to stay in india, then following ICSE/ CBSE is not a bad idea, considering he is already doing so well in a traditional school. in fact the reason behind his high level of energy in the classrooms in US could have been low stimulation from the curriculum.

2) good teachers make good school..and the child seems to have proven the point. if the main need is to have understanding teachers, then high end vs average school, ICSE vs CBSE, traditional method vs new supportive methods become secondary issue. from the discussion between you and sharmi, it looks to me that the child has benefitted more from having good teachers who care.

3) a good school is where the child performs nicely and happily. and the ooty school seems to be providing a good enough environment to him. may be sharmi needs to focus on a similar school in hyderabad.

here i would also like to add one point. many of these IB schools make hollow promises about taking care of special needs of the child, before admissions. i know a couple of schools in bangalore where they are experimenting with new ideas without solid base to deal with kids with special needs. thats doing more harm than good. so going for international schools ,assuming that they follow international standards ,is not a good idea. if special needs like concentration/hyperactivity/slow learning are there, then instead of going by the name of the school, its more important to visit the school and find out what kind of professionals are there to offer the required service. are regular teachers pitching in during special classes or there are special educators for the purpose? do they have qualified child psychologist to address therapeutic needs of kids or someone with long experience in teaching is doing the job?

hope this helps.


mickey 2010-03-26 12:38:36


Hi Aanchal,

Thanks a lot for your feedback. You have made my job much easier. I will put a word to Sharmi too about this.




aanchal 2010-03-27 15:47:58


hi mickey..keep me posted when sharmi takes the final decision..getting kids into a good school is such a big job these days!!


mickey 2010-03-27 16:28:03


Sure Aanchal, I posted the link to Sharmi to go through your suggestions as well. She is planning to come down for a short trip to Hyd to find a suitable school. I have suggested  a few schools and told her to be in touch.  As a mother , she will be the best person  to talk to the teachers and take the final decision.






All Rights Reserved Copyright © 2008-2020 Parentree