Treating a Depressed 23-year Son

21 replies, Page 1

Rajiv192 2012-10-23 14:30:25



A lot of discussions in this group seemed to be about children, but I hope my problem is also relevant here.

Me and my wife are both working parents in Bangalore. Our only son passed engineering last year and went to Hyderabad for his job. But he recently had to leave his job last month because of a paranoid manager who apparently harassed him to no end. He has since come back to us in Bangalore.

But now he has gone into a state of acute depression. He has never been out-of-purpose like this in his whole life, and he can't seem to take this rejection well at all. Especially during the daytime, when he misses being outside a lot. Me and my wife go out for work, and we receive calls every hour or so from our son wanting to talk. But everything's fine once we return home in the evening. There was a time when he didn't use to call back home for days, and now he can't seem to be alone for more than a hour (he is our only child). He's complaining of suffocation (?) and headache unless he talks to one of us during the daytime. Instead of starting his next job hunt, he's just sitting at home and doing almost nothing. My wife has already stayed back home for some days to take care of him but the situation doesn't seem to be improving at all.

This seems like a case of depression to me, so I'd like to know where to visit for medical treatment. Is this the case for a psychiatrist or a clinical psychologist? I asked around for some references and got some names like Nimhans (which I hear is generally good) and St. John's, but not sure which place would fit my son's case. Can somebody please guide us?



 Former member 2012-10-23 15:23:07


that is very unfortunate .Not sure where in Bangalore you stay. Manipal hospital old airport road  has a good psychiatric ward. The symptoms you are stating looks like depression . but then the doctors are good judges. Take him to a psychiatrist.dont delay the treatment.He will be fine.


bandy 2012-10-23 18:34:03


I am not sure ... but maybe counselling will help.

I have seen one counselling centre 'Mind Talk' in J.P. nagar 2nd phase. Maybe you can search for their contact number and talk to them to understand if they can help.

Else there are counsellors (qualified doctors) in all good hospitals. You being parents can judge the  best for your son.

Wish he gets happy soon.






prpati 2012-10-23 19:44:14


Hi Rajiv ,

     Hearing ur case i  can feel what u ,ur wife and ur son r going through .Being a psychology,counselling  student myself  i emphasise with all ur family members.

I will surely suggest u and ur wife to be calm and composed ,dont be depressed in front of ur son.think that time will take care of all situation..I think something struck in his mind during the last job which have to be taken out ,that can be done by a counsellor.That will take some sessions to see results.

Which part r u staying in bangalore?

In old madras old there is one SAMPURNA MONFORT COLLEGE, they have counselling programms.u can get their contact no. from there website...just google it.

Good Luck




Neethi 2012-10-23 19:58:02


Hi Rajiv,

This happenned with one of my cousins too...He was a bright boy(only child of his parents).and something went wrong..His behaviour his attitude changed...He is attending counselling sessions n is much better now...

As in ur case,U never know what ur son had to undergo during his stay in Hyderabad..He being the only child,probably didnt know with whom to share his feelings!Sorry state of affairs....

Please be there for him always...He sholudnt feel left out or alone...He is probably seeking comfort in u both by calling often...

Like people in above post have suggested,please take him for counselling...It will help him release his negative thoughts and be calm....

He might be feeling lonely n helpless...As parents stand for him and stand with him..Iam sure he will feel better....

Please dont worry..problems are a part and parcel of life...and we just have to keep finding solutions to sail through them...Wishing u all the v best....


Rajiv192 2012-10-23 21:11:02


Thanks everyone for the kind feelings. I understand his situation - he probably wants to go out working as his friends do but can't do so for the first time in his life. I would have went to my parents too for help if something like this happened to me. I sometimes don't understand his world - what kind of reputed corporation messes up things to this level !! I thought his lack of a personal life can at least be explained by a good professional life. I can understand public sector, but aren't managers in private corporations supposed to be ensuring smooth running of a team?

I can't even get him to talk about what happened and whether something official can be done from our side. Me and my wife are staying with him as much as we can but I still feel he needs professional help and soon.

What I'm not sure is whether to go to a reputed hospital or go to a counsellor as some of you have mentioned. What is the difference between the treatment methods between the two? Does he have to go through some therapy sessions? Or will counselling and/or medication be enough? We live in Domlur, near the flyover.


NJ 2012-10-23 21:16:31


Can your wife take a month break from work and try to convince him to get another job perhaps in Bangalore itself where you are staying. Get some friends to talk to him and Perhaps they can convince him that it is not his problem, and that its the managers fault that things went wrong. Also you couldask them to enquire in their company about some job opportunities for them. I dont think this is a problem with single children like how some may tell you. I have seen children who are not single children going through depression as well due to external factors.




NJ 2012-10-23 21:17:17


Please read "Also you couldask them to enquire in their company about some job opportunities for them" as "Also you couldask them to enquire in their company about some job opportunities for him"


Bad there is no edit here..


raj0072012in 2012-10-24 09:31:53


pls send his CV at I feel a new job will actually work for him. So motivate  him for further job search.

You may discuss with him about his future plans. If He is intereseted , motivate him for preparing for MBA (CAT, GMATetc). Make him join coaching at IMS, TheTtimes etc. Or let him prepare for C-DAC , VLSI design etc related to technical side for further skill enhancement. Shown him avenues for the future.


zayaf 2012-10-24 11:01:15


Hi Rajiv,

I would suggest that you contact a Counsellor at Banjara Academy who will provide necessary help for your son's depression.

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Fayaz Pasha


Prebasha 2012-10-24 14:00:07


Hi Rajiv,

How are you?

I can understand what your wife and you are going through  I am just wondering if you could start  taking gentle steps before taking him to a counsellor or a hospital. If you can afford to the three of you could go on a holiday , a place that your son would like to visit. Just the three of you. I think it will make a big difference. As a mother and as a teacher I have seen and experienced that giving children time makes a difference.. I dont believe in just spending quality time with the child. You just need to be there for him and he will open up. In the mean time, find out what exactly happend in the office and see if you can help.  Get in touch with his friends from college and if possible the previous workplace. Explore his hobbies etc

At times taking a person to a hopital like Nimhans or for that matter any psychiatric section in a hospital can be a depressant by itself.


with prayers and wishes to the three of you,



NJ 2012-10-24 14:56:15


I agree with what Prebasha says. Try out the other suggestions first before visiting a ounselor or psyhiatrist.

Sorry bout the typos. few keys in my keyboard are not working today.


NJ 2012-10-24 15:18:26



Regarding this question of yours " I can understand public sector, but aren't managers in private corporations supposed to be ensuring smooth running of a team?". -At some point in our areer most of us who are working in private ompanies have had bad bosses or bosses whom we are not understanding or simply whom we do not gel with. The only way to get out of that situation is find a new projet(will be diffiult for freshers) or look for a new job after hanging in there for a year after getting some experiene, os quitting instantly is also not looked on favorably by other ompanies. Thats how most of us dealt with bad experienes with our managers. But what exatly happened between the boss and him is something whih you should try to get it out of him or from his exolleagues like what the above poster said. Was it a solding in front of other employees by the manager embarrrased him enough to quit or was it something else.

The differene between ounsellors and psyhiatrist- ounsellors are not exatly dotors per se. They have learnt psyhology and probably have a phd in it as well. They are supposed to be good enough into getting people to talk about their problems and they give advie. Psyhiatrists may presribe meds, for instane if the inident has aused the person to loose his/her sleep, then they may presribe sedation for a while. Else they may aess the extent of depression and they may presribe anti depressants.  The pratitioners -- ie ounselor or psyhaitrist may ask you questions like whether this is the first time he is depressed, or were there instanes before where he beame depressed like this... Does depression run in the family et.



Rajiv192 2012-10-24 16:50:31


Hi NJ,

I agree that we should probably try some "home" remedies first before taking him to others. But I know my son - once something troublesome or sad gets into his head he'll have trouble getting over it. We also don't have a history of any documented depression although his mother used to miss him a lot sometimes when he was away. At least he's staying with us now which should help, but it's the daytime that's worrying us. The time it would take for "home" remedies to show signs of improvement might be more than either he or we can take, and that's also worrying us. Me and my wife are trying to get 2 weeks of non-overlapping holiday which should cover a month. But I don't know whether things will be back to normal by then. Needless to say, he'll be doing his next couple of jobs in Bangalore only, under our watch.

- Rajiv.


NJ 2012-10-24 18:28:13



I feel most of us do take some time getting over our problems. Time heals...And you said , that your son had quit only last month. So its been only over a month... To be in a dangerously depressed state that needs medial intervention, one has to be in this state for months together, or need to have exhibited being in this state earlier for a while and whether medial intervention was the way he/she was brought out of it earlier. In the meanwhile, get him involved in some meditation like yoga-- enroll him in yoga classes. It clears the mind. What your wife was going through could be most likely called as "empty nest syndrome". This happens in most families when all the children leave home, for instance due to higher education or marriage. The parents cope up with the sudden emptiness in the house and the feeling will exist for a few months, or whenever the children leave.

You could talk to a psychiatrist if you would like to. But think twice before medication. IMO give it a couple of months more time (unless he has a tendency to develop into a long state depression which he has exhibited earlier as well).


 Former member 2012-10-30 20:12:49



when some one is in chronic depression, medication and counselling is needed. Though home care is good, we are not professionals. so pl take help from professional. The only concern, when people are depreseed, they are driven to suicidal thoughts. do not want to scare you, but recently asha bonsle's daughter also committed suicide as she was also into depression.

there is no issues , contacing a psychiatrist ,my friend was into depression after medication for year she is normal. I donot understand why there is stigma to mental illness and medication. When we have physical illness dont we take medication.

Depression is a chemical he will need medication to maintain the serotonin balance. So pl contact counsellor /pshyctriast . dont delay.


NJ 2012-10-30 22:28:43


Asha Bhosle's daughter was under medication for depression - Read the end of this article -

Taking medication will not thwart depression or suicides. Sometimes people become more depressed on medication. And sometimes it causes unnecessary dependency on the drugs and needless to say accidental overdose as well when the patient is given access to these drugs.

I'm no one to overule a doctors judgement on this. But if you really feel that he cannot come out of his shell in a few months time, then its time to seek professional help by all means. Else many people in this world, including myself, do go through temporary periods of depression, due to some unfortunate situations, but we always develop coping mechanisms overtime. 


NJ 2012-10-30 22:42:44


Read more on medications effects here -

There are people who tend to get depressed for no reason at all and they neglect their basic daily duties- They need meds. but if it related to an incident like losing a job, or losing a loved one, everyone will go through brief periods of it, before they are able to move on.


NJ 2012-10-30 22:55:17


What i mean is that if there is no prior periods of habitual depressions, then instead of asserting right away that person needs meds, give him a couple of more months more time to determine that as this incident happened only last month. 

This is not about the social stigma and mental illness. There are lot of probable side effects and depreciation in health that medications can cause. Of course one has to take it when its absolutely needed and everything else has been tried out. Else why unnecessarily take medicines.


Neethi 2012-10-31 12:37:50



I too am not in favour of medicines..unless n until there is need to do so...But before that we should try out all the other alternatives..I too like NJ,go thru episodes of depression daily...(cant help..overdose of problems)I cry,I feel lonely...But Once I cry,I feel a little calm...I read positive quotes daily...I have a scrap book..on which I paste articles from newspapers about people who made it big inspite of their weaknesses!

I keep reading them while I feel low...

Rajiv,I think u can try counselling as of now...It helps..But as a parent u r the best pls verify the pros and cons and decide ur next course of action...Meanwhile be his support system ..Its a passing phase...He will overcome it....


Pareen 2012-10-31 12:46:06


Hi Rajiv

Try calling some of his best friends at home. Maybe celebrate a birthday party. Take him some where outside where your family can spend a weekend with some activities.




Letitgo 2016-03-07 20:13:37


Hi Rajiv, Read your message today. I am hoping your son is come out of his problem now. I suffer from depression myself and facing a problem similar to your son.I am still looking for help.I would like to know which doctor you consulted and has it really helped your son. Because I am still unable to find the right doctor for myself.


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