Do your kids a favor - don't have any. ~Robert Orben

2 replies, Page 1

AMP 2011-06-21 15:14:32

 

 Do your kids a favor - don't have any.  ~Robert Orben

Well, that is what I have been telling myself. My daughter is 10 years old and studies in Baldwins Girls. She is such an amazing child. She has above average intelligence, her grasp of subjects and concepts is amazing, and she is kind, loving, helpful and a happy person. Now, you must be thinking, oh! She is so lucky. I most certainly am. I am coming to the other part which made me write this post after much thinking and I apply to your combined good sense and kindness to help me through this trivial(? Few people say so), yet frustrating, head banging problem.

As I said, she is academically very good. In nursery she did not have much class work so she breezed through. The problem started from Std I. She ran away from school because her teacher said that all the kids who were slow would be sent back to nursery. Of course she came back home. Till then she could not cross the road without holding my hand and this tiny winy girl with all her bags and with a classmate twice her height came running home crossing a really busy road (I take atleast 10 mins to cross). I did what I had to do and let me not go into the details as it will make this post really long. From then on it has been a struggle every year. She does not complete any of her class work. She feels either it is too much or totally unnecessary. Every year we  borrow books and complete them. In the 3rd year her teacher refused to give any of the books and asked us to go during the school time and complete the notes. So, my husband had to stand in the corridor and complete her work for few days (my son was small, so I stayed back home). She used to lose her things every day. No amount of pep talk and advice from family helped. She sweetly agrees to everything we say and promise earnestly and still do the same thing every day.

I got her eye tested, took her to the counselor, I timed her writing, made her write during holidays, advised her, scolded her, yelled at her, smacked her, used her grandparents love, everything , I did everything. I even left her by herself so that she would realize the consequences. Result, I had to Xerox pages of notes from others books and make her write right before her exams. Last year she did not even inform me about the preparatory exams which was held before finals. She does not write in her school diary, she does not write in her class work. She lies that there was no class as her miss was absent or that there was some function or sports.

This year I was hopeful that as she was in middle school, she would become responsible. But no, she lied again about sports and how they had no classes at all and had left almost ¾ th of her math notes incomplete. I borrowed book and made her finish her work and now she is scared of giving it for correction. So, the cycle will continue. Can I tell her teacher this quote  A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often.  ~Author Unknown. Now we know why he did not give his name!

I have a short fuse myself. I keep blowing up when she does such things and in anger tell certain things I am not proud of. I can’t afford to put her to fancy schools which do not follow the rigor of the usual schools as they are very expensive. Besides, she loves to go to her school and she has told me in no uncertain terms that she would never leave her school. We have a happy family life, so she has no problem there. She gets enough love from our extended family and loves her brother to bits. She plays in the evening and I put her to other classes during weekends or holidays as she gets easily distracted. I put her to only those things which she herself prefers.

 So tell me people, any ideas. I stay at home ever since I conceived her. I want to go back to work and she really scares me. I will never be able to cope up with her problems if I am working. As it is, I can hear my brain sizzle and smoke.

 I got some really funny quotes about kids from

http://www.quotegarden.com/children.html

I have included them here. It can make you laugh or can make you thoughtful.

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.  ~Edgar W. Howe

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.  ~Stacia Tauscher


It kills you to see them grow up.  But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't.  ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams


Children are a great comfort in your old age - and they help you reach it faster, too.  ~Lionel Kauffman


The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents.  ~John J. Plomp

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.  ~Elizabeth Stone

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories.  ~John Wilmot
Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.  ~Robert A. Heinlein

Smack your child every day.  If you don't know why - he does.  ~Joey Adams

A parent who has never apologized to his children is a monster.  If he's alwaysapologizing, his children are monsters.  ~Mignon

McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"


The trouble with having a stubbornness contest with your kids is that they have your stubbornness gene.  ~Robert Brault, 

 The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed.  ~Author Unknown


If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says "keep away from children."  ~Susan Savannah


kavitha25 2011-06-22 10:26:12

 

Hi AMP,

I really empathise with you. I have a couple of suggestions. I presume your daughter is in 5th class. Different teachers will be handling different subjects for her. Why don't you talk to some of them (a couple of them who can really understand your situation), explain your daughter's case and request them to encourage your daughter to write in the class.  Some kids value what the teacher says & will follow their instructions. They may not agree if it comes from parents.

Also talk to her best friends in school. If possible ask the teacher to seat her next to her best friend so that she will be encouraged to write along with her. Please request her friends to talk to her about the importance of completing the class work.

Do talk to your daughter patiently and ask her whats making her not to complete the class work. Tell her that the portions are only going to increase as she moves to higher classes. So borrowing and completing at home will not work out.

Hope this helps. Btw, My daughter too has joined Baldwins this year for nursery.

Regards,

Kavitha.

 

 

 

 

AMP 2011-06-23 13:04:25

 

 Thanx Kavita,

Did all that. I have not spoken to individual teachers this year but previously when I have spoken to them they have told me that other than telling the children to write fast they can not do anything else as they can not use force.

She fails to follow simplest of instructions and does not any of her work inspite of telling her insistently. I feel like a stuck taperecorder.

eg; I tell her to put her books into her bag. She does not. I tell the same thing 5 times and the next day morning it will still be on the table. She wont do her work in the class because of it. 

 

 

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