Second child

47 replies, Page 2

namasteindia 2010-08-16 16:16:13


I am facing the same confusion.

Presently im 32 yrs old and my son is above 6. He is very friendly and does not feel lonely since he makes friends easily.

But i feel a 2nd child can completer our family and later on in life my son will always have  a sibling.

THe biggest problem i face is of support system my mother is not at all helpful and during first delivery also she abandoned me to my resources.

I will need a full time maid which is difficult to find. And without help from elders i dont know how i will cope.

2ndly the cost of living is very high it will be a big pinch on our pockets.

Any guidance. 


aanchal 2010-08-23 11:01:04


check out this might make couple of dilemnas clear.


namasteindia 2010-08-23 11:21:44


thanks aanchal,

for the link  i was also planning for adoption.

i had contacted some adoption agency but i think the red tape process takes up lot of time.



vinalchawla 2010-08-23 11:33:30


hey lakshmi & nj,

its really great to read ur views...

hey even i delivered my 1st baby , 2 months bfor my 30th b'day...

i feel we shd start a group of tht....mothers 2 month bfore 30....hahhah....

even m planning for a 2nd one, as kn0609 rightly said the importance of SIBLING...

m youngest of 4 sisters & i very well know the importance of sibling...




roses 2010-08-24 08:20:44


Thanks for referencing the article, Aanchal. 

For all who are planning on a second one, there is more food for thought through yet another article:,8599,2002382,00.html 


ishika 2011-03-27 00:24:53



i am also parent of single girl child. After my daughter's birth. i have to quit my job. i could not do anthing seriously careerwise. No body  was there to take care of her.  . Now she is 6 yrs. now i am thinking to join a full time  job. But my husband and relatives insisting on going for second child. if i go for second child. i can never be independent.  Financially also we are facing difficulty.

What should i do.


Pls suggest me .


namasteindia 2011-03-27 17:22:54


hi ishika,

India is crazy for male child and until you dont fulfill their demand for male child they will keep driving you crazy

but if you are not prepared financially, emotionally and physically then the child will suffer and also you.

the choice is upto you ultimately



zion 2011-03-27 19:11:30


Hi Ishika,

Your life is your choice. Please don't let anyone force you into anything. There are several advantages to having a second child which our friends have eloborated on this forum alreaady. However, this doesn't mean it is a universal fit for everyone. Think of Jawaharlal nehru. He had one daughter who had enhanced his name. There is nothing right or wrong about these things. As Swami sukhabhodananda says, people always strive for what they don't have. The truth is there is a whole generation of elders in INdia whose sons and daughters have flocked to forign countries and no longer care about them. Worse there are children who torture thier parents for not having created enough wealth for them.

Please follow the path of happiness for you. If having another daughter or a son is sure shot for happiness, why do you have so many miserable people who have more than a son and a daughter? There are childless couples who cry for children and most of us know several elders whose children have either deserted them or made thier life miserable. Neither is better or worse. It doesn't matter as long as you understand and stay happy.

Best Regards,



rakulkar 2011-03-28 10:58:25


Good discussion. This is a very personal topic...i can only share my opinion.

I am a single child. There are pros and cons of being a single child, pros ofcourse the parents dot on you like a goddess, cons - many, main being v dont have anyone our age to interact with in the immediate social group and family, nowadays nuclear family setup and apartment systems are adding to this dilema. I have 3 kids. 14yrs,4yrs and 2yrs. Yes there are ups and downs, broken toys, torn books, shredded paper on floor, scribbled walls, u name it. But I enjoy the kids being around me all the time, i enjoy seeing them being so protective of each other, sometimes when I loose my cool, the elder kids take care of the smaller one and try to make him see sense.

Overall its not a bad situation, and it will only grow wonderful with time. At least I know for sure that my kids dont have to depend on others for socializing and emotional needs.




namasteindia 2011-03-28 12:35:53


That varies from case to case rakulkar

In our family i have seen lot of cases of warring siblings....some fight for property, some fight for money,

Infact i have been harassed by my elder brother who was dominating and controlling also my husbands elder brother would constantly disturb us by demanding money, share in property etc etc.

There would be no peace in the house just because of these siblings.....

Overall i feel that good upbringing, social etiquette, decency would make a lot of difference interaction between two siblings.


dhivy 2011-07-07 16:40:48


Hi Aanchal

Iam a parent of 3.8yr old girl and planning 2 have second child, but the issue is, i had GDM during my first pregnancy. I weigh 72kgs and 30yrs old. Financial situation is not very sound, but my hubby tells that moral support and sharing tendency for my elder one is needed in later stage. iam scared of my weight and GDM, pls share ur views 


aanchal 2011-07-07 17:46:19


i understand the need to provide the first born with a sibling for his/her later years, but your health comes point in having another child if it takes a toll on your body or creates a problem to the baby itself..finances are something that can be managed by cutting our expenses and managing the budget tightly..but health once lost will take a long time to be restored..and with 2 kids to manage, the restoration might take even longer..expense wise, your poor health is going to put a strain on your budget too due to repeated doctor visits.

again, each pregnancy in the same woman is different..if you do not have diabetes now and GDM went away like other symtpoms after delivery, then you may/may not have it again during next pregnancy. with each pregnancy, symptoms change.

you can take care of your weight before you plan. once you feel you are not overweight anymore, consult a gyne to get a green signal :)


meenakutti 2011-07-07 20:03:52


thank u to all

even i am planning for second child


dhivy 2011-07-08 10:40:57


Thanx Aanchal

 i will undergo a test again to know about my body condition. 3 months back sugar was not there. Can u pls provide me diet chart for weight loss, it helps lot of women too. As u discussied earlier for someone, i asked my daughter for new arrival, she says that, she vil take care of new baby. Anyway let's see.

Also, 1 query when will kids starts communicating well for what we ask? sometimes, she is not replying back if someone talks to her, she does the same to me too.

thanx in advance



aanchal 2011-07-08 16:36:42


hi dhivy: m not the best person to guide you for weight loss diet should consult a dietician for that, informing him/her that you are planning to conceive in sometime..

as for communication, its not a one-step process that a fixed age is given for the 'start' of start communicating right after birth..the first method is to use crying to indicate any want..then they slowly learn to use various other non-verbal gestures like smiling, nodding etc..after this, verbality comes into picture, that too in various steps like babbling, one-word, more familar words, 2 words sentences and so on..for each thing, there is a different age-milestone. so its difficult to talk about an age for the 'ability to communicate when something is asked', as it starts at as early as as 6months. i will need to know more about your kid's communication skill that is already developed to guide you any further.


dhivy 2011-07-08 19:45:31


Thanx Aanchal

she is good in studies, e.g if we ask about any rhymes she will say happily

Regd animals, fruits, Gk but couldn't have proper sentence formation. But if i introduce any new words she tries to repeat the same otherwise she is good in what she wants

if someone asks her anything, she won't reply back. She is new to the school(LKG) environment. Teacher expects a lot to respond, she feels very scared. Even iam meeting her frequently for my kid's development, i don't know what sort of training @ home to be given to make her comfortable. She is very happy when myself n her father is there, when it comes to others, she keeps quiet.

But very keen in learning newer things and has got good observation. That's the comment she got from last play school teacher



aanchal 2011-07-08 21:08:50


then its more like a social/performance behavior rather than cognitive/communication one. and in fact, i wont call it performance anxiety at this point, as you said she is new in that school. not all kids are extroverts. some take more time to warm up and prefer to stay as observers. they are not exactly wall-paper kids but they are not social butterflies either. dont worry, and give her more time :)



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