difficult 4 year old- pls help

4 replies, Page 1

worriedmom82 2013-07-01 17:27:29



I am a working mom of a 4 year old boy. I try best to balance my time with him and my parents are really having him as their first focus.

About the boy:

He attends lkg in a schol. he is received at home by his grandparents and then taken to an afterschool at 4:30 just to have fun. he does some outdoor activities/painting /craft there.


1) He is all fine when his desires are met but really aggressive on refusal. finding it difficult to take a no. Though he cools down after considerable amount of time, there doesnt seem to be much regret and he offers some explanation or another.

2) He doesnt make good eye contact with strangers while talking. If we pre-empt only, he replies to their qns. He speaks in low voice to them

3) his general voice is above average loud and doesnt understand if i ask him to reduce his volume level. That was really a pbm when i took him to a exhibition sort of place and he started behaving aggressive when i asked him to keep his voice low.

4) recently, we had a whole lot of relatives visiting my house and he reacted very badly. he threw few clothes at them, closed the bedroom door on their face and was very withdrawn.

5) he is in afterschool for 4 months and they hav complained twice about he crying and reacting loudly

6) no complaints from his school except for a small fight with a child. His prekg and lkg teachers have not been complaining. it is a class of 25 . reports have been good. so not sure if they didnt have time  to observe him or he was well behaved only at school.

I have been observing these for around a  year now.i keep advising him and talking to him. but no real improvement

Pls guide me.

aanchal 2013-07-01 18:01:18


there could be something that is disturbing the child badly. at the age of 4, it's difficult for a child to put feelings into words. it is also difficult to follow advices. so dont tell him how his behavior is not good or how he should behave. instead, tell him how disturbed he is feeling. comfort him. children feel very vulnerable when they make a mistake. at that point, they need parents' support. (parentingstations.blogspot.in/2013/06/moments-of-vulnerability-in-children.html)

find out from the afterschool classes if there is something that he is disliking there.

sometimes when children are scolded a lot in school or they fear getting scolded, they behave very nicely there, and take out the anger outside school. so you may casually talk to the child about his rapport with the class teacher.


worriedmom82 2013-07-02 11:10:45


Thanks for ur reply! If you can help me on below qns, it will be gr8!

1) The reason for me sending him to afterschool is he can mingle with children there rather than being  with old ppl at home.He does craft/drawing there and really proud to show them to me. While getting ready to afterschool, he doesnt refuse to go, rather gets ready slowly. He says he likes it also!Not sure if going to school and then afterschool is stressful for him!

One thing i would like to reiterate is, he exhibits the qualities mentioned in my first post even before being sent there.

2) . I understand he feels vulnerable with whole new set of ppl.His insecurity in turn causes aggression. my concern is: should i just give him his time and allow him to be withdrawn? or explain him that he has to speak to new ppl as well?? dilemma!

3)his classteacher says he moves with a few children, but not forthcoming to everyone.Otherwise, academically,  He is reponsive in class.

4) My husband feels i am worried unnecessarily. Can you pls tell me if changing things in his schedule could help him?Since i am working i come home at 8, but spend all time until 10:30 with him only.(dont even cook/watch tv!).

5) i am somehow not able to decipher what can be changed! pls  help me. i hope he need not be taken for professional help. Not that i am hesitant, but just feeling i should not overblow things.





aanchal 2013-07-02 13:30:22


just give him some time. do not coach him directly. divert him when he is upset. calm him down and simply say, "it's okay to feel angry. it's not okay to scream or hit".

about mingling with kids, not all kids are actively receptive about people around. its alright to encourage, but not right to push into saying hello or sharing toys. you may simply say, " sharing is a good habit" without making any remarks like, "if you are a good boy, you should share" or "good boys share" or "i will feel happy if you share"

i have a feeling i am missing out on something here, as i am not very comfortable about his getting extremely upset about having guests at home. it could be a response to some feelings that are evoked when there are people around.

i wish i could meet the child and guide you further.


worriedmom82 2013-07-02 14:19:45


Definitely, i will give him some time and observe. I am based at chennai.Do you by any chance come to chennai for sessions/ Is there someone u can recommend in Chennai?



All Rights Reserved Copyright © 2008-2020 Parentree