Worried Mom

9 replies, Page 1

sachpreet 2013-05-06 10:19:41

 

Hi Aanchal

Thanks for help everytime you  gave me when i was worried.This time i'm also worried.On Saturday he went for Play in annual prize distribution. Prize distribution function was for 2 hrs. Timings are 10am -12 Pm.Now he is class I. His break timings are 11-11.30 Eighteen kids went for play in another building for play with previous class teacher. Every child had his lunch.But he didn't.When he came back in his class room he didn't do lunch. From 7.30 in the morning to 1.45 he remained hungry. When i asked about this class 1 teacher she said child has come in my absence.I was in another building to host the function.My son is saying Ashu mam didn't tell me to do lunch that's why i didn't do lunch. Later he said when i came back Art lecture was going on.When i asked this about to his previous class teacher with whom they have gone for play. She said we didn't carry lunch boxes over there because function was for very less duration. She said i should make my child smart. He is a grown up kid now. How the art teacher will come to know that child had not eaten his lunch.I'm very depressed why my child is not communicative for his needs. Now he is in class 1 no teacher is taking responsibility. They say the child should tell them about this. My child said Ashu mam kahte tabhi lunch karte hain. I feel my child is not coming out from the tag "obedient child" in which i put  him. From the last 3 years i'm doing this mistake.I told this to every techer when the session starts that he is very sincere & obedient child infront of him. I'm feeling so guilty. Child remained hungry for six hours. No teacher is taking responsibility. They say i should make my child smart & active. I know good values & his soft & docile nature will lead him nowhere.From this year in class 1 school increased class strength also. They are not taking care of kids much.If he is in Obedient tag what can i do to make him smart. How can i rectify my mistake. I was also very soft & sober child,I faced many problems due to my innocent nature in college time.The people around me were very smart. But my mother couldn't support me much due to various other reasons. 



Ramia 2013-05-10 01:53:03

 

I am exactly on the same Boat. I have a 5 year old. He is very very obedient, now i m feeling guilty for making him like that. Sometimes being too good is also a problem in this world! 

If there are 10 kids in a line and if he is the 3rd person, he would let all others go ahead of him just becasue teacher has asked him to be nice to all kids.

He is a very good kid. I dont know how to convince him that its ok to be aggressive sometimes!!

Eagerly waiting for your repsonse Aanchal :)

Thanks.

 

 

 

aanchal 2013-05-10 23:22:22

 

Sachpreet, we have often interacted about the softness and obedience of your son. he has been this way for a long time. you have recently started changing your ways. so you will see changes in him, over a period of time.

start practicing at home. make him speak up for himself. give him situations, ask him for the solutions. if the solution that he gives seems incorrect, dont dismiss it. gently convey your concern and give an 'alternate' solution. for example,

you: "what do you think you will do if your friend snatches your ball?"

he: "i will let him play with it"

you: "hmm..and if he doesnt return?"

he: "nothing, i will wait"

you:" hmm..suppose he keeps playing with your ball and makes you wait till your play time is over, then?"

he: " i dont know"

 

sounds familiar, doesnt it? you should find out what will happen if he puts his foot down in front of his friend, if he asks his teacher to let him eat. it is important to know his fears. he may be afraid of getting scolded. he may be afraid of losing respect. he may be afraid of getting beaten up.  you may reassure your son that you can fight with the whole world for him and that no one can harm him. you may reassure him that asking for permission to have lunch can never has no effect on 'image'.  enactment of such scenes also help trememdously as the child gets to practice the 'lines' he can say in such real situations.

 

sachpreet 2013-05-13 10:46:46

 

 Thanks Aanchal

I will apply your guidance.Last year  his teacher said me " make him active & smart" This often make me worried. Kid will remain kid.Some childern tell everything what happened in school & class.But some are not so much talkative like my child. But it doesn't mean that he is not active & smart.Last year when he was writing slow i put my effort to make him fast in writing. But this active & smart he will become only when he will go outside. This can not happen in one day. I counsel him to finish his work. early,to react if anybody irritate him, communicate with teaher for his neads.He personality improved 80%. He is not a shy boy but he don't talk much in class.But he pays attention to everything in class.If somebody snatches his toy in park or say something bad to him , he come & complain to me.He becomes angry with that friend also.But don't raise his hand & say bad in return.

 


aanchal 2013-05-13 11:55:05

 

i saw a typo in my last post. re-writing it

you may reassure him that asking for permission to have lunch can never have any bad effect on 'image'.

sorry if it created confusion

 

aanchal 2013-05-13 11:58:09

 

 

Ramia 2013-05-15 00:59:29

 

Thanks. PT has all great dsicussions!! 

 

sachpreet 2013-05-20 10:22:46

 

 Hi  Aanchal

I wanted to share something with you.In the first PTM of class 1 I didn't like the teacher at all.The reason is she was scolding some kids infront of parents. One mother complained of her daughter for  not eating vegetables. The teacher made that girl along with other thin girl stand infront of  other parents & asked "Do they look like class 1 students?" I didn't like this & i considered it humiliation of  children not encouragement.In my 2nd PTM  younger sibling of one student was holding teacher's table & trying to jump, the class teacher of my son said "I will lock you in Dark room." She didn't say anything to my child as my son is so docile. I saw fear on my child's face when teacher was asking something to my child infront of me. She was not scolding him but only asking. When i came from my first PTM  i get so negative about teacher & so fearful for my child.I asked to my child once or twice in a week " you are sure Mam don't scold you." As my child is going school happily daily.I ignored my outlook towards teacher that it will be due to my protective nature towards my child.Even teacher says he is a quite boy & he should enjoy. I think when Mam scold other kids ,it creates fear in him. I counsel him that teacher won't scold you if you are right.We play teaher-teacher also in which i make him teacher just to analyse what he does in class & teacher don't scold him.

 


aanchal 2013-05-20 12:18:52

 

even though its totally ridiculous that teachers scold like this, unfortunately most teachers love to use their power in this negative way.

its very sad. no B.Ed course teaches teachers how  to be good to children. i am trying to do my bit to sensitize teachers, but with limited resources i am able to reach very few at a time.

 

sachpreet 2013-05-20 15:13:46

 

 I fully agree with you no B.Ed. course teaches teachers about child psychology.I have so negative impression about her after first PTM.Even i discussed with other child's mother she was saying the same thing. In my first PTM i noticed so many things.She was talking about so many things which she shouldn't . Today i enquired from my son "Is there any dark room".He said yes rat room hota hai.Mam says about rat room.But i know rat room to hota hi nahi hai.I will hit if rat wiil come.I told  my child ," Dark room or rat room don't exist .I am always with you in every situation. I cannot change the teacher. But my concern is for my child who is  not  so  bold child & needs encouragement to come forward. I put every effort to make him bold. When a teacher is doing all this infront of parents what she does in our absence. Only God knows.I can not complain to anybody because that she is not doing with my child. 

 

 

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