problem in involving myself with child

5 replies, Page 1

sonysehgal 2013-04-30 16:27:11

 

before being mother, i always knew that i dont have that attitude in me which goes along well with child...keepping patience,listening carefully,being child along wid child....before i prepare myself , i became mother after 4 years of marrige as my parents,in-laws and husband wanted... though i was not prepared, prepared myself for motherhood and even quit my job as situation required to give fulll justice to my motherhood... learned lot of things after his birth...started loving things doing 4 him....started enjoying more as he grew up capable of talking and communicating..strtd loving cooking dfrnt things 4 him and see smile on his face, strtd loving making him happy getting things he likes...now he s four and mom-son r best buddies but still 4 1 thing i can not improve myself...

      as far acitvites r concernd like story telling,reading,craft,painting,games,pretend play...... though i make up myself a lot, though i try a lot i cant do tat sitting wid him....as vacation going on, he s in home...i feel guilty that i sud spend time with him and involve myself with him but i can do max 4 1-2 days then again i struggles...some how it dsnt suit my nature to b patient and sit and go along wid him in watever he does..i m a bad listener as such...if i leave on him,he dsnt do anything creative but get stucks to TV... i know i can do and i sud a lot but somehow cant....i m ok to take out 4 evening walks,cycling,parks etc and regualr at it but as far as in-door activities, i love if he does indpendntly and i spend time wid my own activites like reading,browsing,cooking etc...

he dsnt have regular play mates coming home or v going in daily chores but ocassioanlly and in school only...

pls guide....

 


praxy 2013-04-30 17:02:13

 

 i m also facing similar kinda problem....guidance will be highly appriciated by anchal and all parents...

 

RoshMom 2013-05-01 07:07:36

 

 Hi Sony,

Engaging a child the whole day is practically impossible and it's not needed too. He needs some unstructured time to be himself. That way you won't be giving directions all the time and spoon feed him. But at the same time try not to let him be on his own the whole day as he would also get bored. I would suggest to get him toys which he can play on his own. For example jigsaw puzzles, Solitary board games, building blocks etc. You may gve him some pcitures books to go through on his own. If he hasnt started reading yet, he can just go thro the pictures. There are activities you can make him do while you do your work.  When he is reading (picture reading) you can sit with him and read your book which also gives him the feeling that you are with him. Similarly when he sits to do colouring, you may do your shopping list, or other writing work you may have along with him., You can involve him in cooking (adding ingredients, or fetching a plate etc) while you cook, involve him in cleaning(e.g dusting a table), watch children's movie together, or even find an actvity which you both are interested in and enroll yourselves in a class and start learning together. That's a great way to bon.d with your child.  If you need a break, tr. leave your child with your husband, mom or MIL or anyone who can take care of him for a while. Take turns to look after him. one thing I would want to insist is listening.  Try a little hard to listen to your child. It builds his self confidence and self esteem. There will be a phase when your child may turn deaf ears and you will be the one who would be repeating things multiple no of times. If you don't listen ... So dont give him the feeling that it's ok to ignore others when they talk. I am sure anchal would give more suggestions. 

 

sonysehgal 2013-05-01 08:28:20

 

thanks rosh mom 4 yr valuable inputs... building blocks he did a lot now got bored, changed lot of variations... puzzles somehow he s not interested... tat too v tried dfrnt sets... clay moulding,drawing etc he does but interest keeps on changing..i m sure all children, more than play they waste but still i allow few things...

but yeah wud surely try to implenment yr tips...

 


aanchal 2013-05-10 22:47:47

 

SonySehgal: sorry for the delayed response. i was on vacation.

i appreciate the honest way in which you have described your problem.

first of all, you are not alone. there are many mothers who face this problem. they may not admit, that's another story.

it is not easy, and not necessary, to 'do activities with your child' all the time. in fact, there is no point in doing activities just for the sake of it. in the beginning years, all that your child wants is to bond with you and learn things from you. you dont need to keep doing blocks, puzzles for the same.

everyone needs the 'me-time'. some can function better only if the me-time is much more than the we-time. it is how the mind is set. you can keep your balance of me-we, and yet be with your child

there are 3 ways in which you can be with your child- interactive, silent and parallel.

in interactive you both interact (story reading, teaching a concept, etc). in silent, you both enjoy the same thing without interacting a lot (watching a movie together, walking in a park together etc). in parallel, you give an activity to your child and you be around doing your own things.

stress and frustration starts in mothers when they focus only on the interactive method. it is tiring. so incorporate the other 2 methods too.

i have messaged you the link to one of my blogs that describes various creative ideas for small children.

in no time, your son will start going to school full time and will have a good friend circle too. so dont worry.

 

sonysehgal 2013-05-12 16:13:54

 

thanks anchal 4 yr reply...and most importantly thanks for understanding me...feeling of guilty is worse than any other thing....worse than u lack in ur skill... thanks a lot..

 

 

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