Query with respect to my son

2 replies, Page 1

tanujaravi 2013-02-23 08:56:00


Dear Aanchal,

Need urgent help with respect to my son !! Kindly give your valuable suggestion and advice !!

My 10 yr old son is studying in class 4 in I.C.S.E syllabus hence he has enough to study .We never wanted to pressurise him so till date we have not put him in any classes like drawing, karate etc.He is very sincere in his school work and does his H.W everyday without fail.

I take his studies at home and help him in his academic work.As of now he is good in academics. As the class level goes higher it is obvious that the writing and studies will be slightly more. Nowadays it is difficult to manage time at our disposal since almost 7 hours he is in school and then he needs to do his H.W , hence everyday it is just not possible to devote time for his studies.

His handwriting is getting worst day by day. When I ask him he says teachers dictates very fast hence I can't concentrate on the handwriting part which is a valid reason given by him and I understand his situation.

Yesterday he was crying when I asked him to study for his exams which is due.He says that one or two class friends of his tease him as dull and he says that they seem to be angry with me and hence I don't want to study and bring good marks otherwise my friends will be jealous and I will lose my friends since they will not like me and they may stop talking to me.

In another instance since he has a good voice,we thought of putting him to singing classes near our house for which his reaction was I will stop singing completely because If I sing nicely you will put me in classes which I don't want to go. As parents we have never forced him on anything and nor till date we have put him in any classes and he is aware of this too.
As a mother I am worried about why is he reacting so negatively most of the times ?

How can I handle this  situation tactfully without hurting my son since he is a sensitive boy.




aanchal 2013-02-23 11:55:04


if he is the only child who is unable to keep pace with teacher's dictation speed, then there is a problem in his focus. if many children are finding it difficult, then the teacher needs to slow down. to sort out this, you may need to meet the teacher (in his absence) and talk to her.

if your child is suddenly reacting like this, there is certainly something that's troubling him. has something happened at home which might have scared him? are you moving base? has he lost his best friend in the apartment? is he being bullied for being "a good boy" by his cousins?

i am sensing a child who is overwhelmed. he feels over-pressurized (though you are not doing so at all). may be he doesnt have any outlet to discharge his 'boyishness'. is he too disciplined? is his life centred around a routine where there is no scope to chill out, hang out.

though you are not pressurizing, he is feeling a kind of pressure from you. in the sense that, "if i am good at singing, i need to join music classes." this makes me feel if he is frustrated from inside and doesnt want to do anything good to avoid anybody looking at him with any kind of expectation.

talk to him..just generally..and a lot..he needs to open up..he needs your comfort.

i dont think that a 4th grader should be spending more than 45 minutes in doing his daily homework. if he is, it means the school is dishing out too much of work.

tell him that he is studying for himself. he is not studying more to make you happy. he is not studying less to make his friends happy. if his friends cannot accept him with good marks, they are not his friends then. just like a mother accepts a child with low grades, friends accept each other with high grades without getting jealous.

coach him that he is not supposed to keep everyone happy. he is living his own life. he is learning skills. he is developing. all this for himself. learning and development are not done for others. why should he be so concerned about keeping everyone happy? is that how things are at home? do you get upset easily? is your husband hard to please? do fights lead to very unpleasant days ahead?

he is also entering his pre-puberty phase. adolescence comes way before puberty these days. many emotional changes take place, to cope with the swift-changing culture. have his friends over at your place for a pizza party. befriend them. see what they talk. see if your son finds himself fitting or an outcast there.

keep me posted


tanujaravi 2013-02-23 12:30:22


Dear Aanchal,

Thanks a lot for those wonderful suggestions !!

I think since he knows that he is good he feels he should not hurt anybody in anyway hence he is concerned about keeping everyone happy. How do we handle this ? Kindly advice ?

He is praised by his teachers for being well - behaved in school , for being silent in all the periods.They give him small rewards for the same.

There are few other students also who are not able to keep pace with the teachers speed.

He has lot of  fear for teachers right from the beginning of his school life.But in his present school  which he is attending for the last 4 years his teachers are not at all very strict and they all are polite with him since they  have observed that he is a soft  and obedient child and he need not be reprimanded so they never shout him nor given him any type of harsh punishment.

He is too self disciplined and a perfectionist. He gets disturbed if he is not doing his H.W even for a day. His life is not centred in a fixed routine.

He himself doesn't like to chill out or hang out.










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