Child Behaviour

Hi Neethi

I know aanchal will give you better answer.But i wanted to help in my best possible way because my child is having a soft nature.He is five year old.While i go in park he is having one or two friends.If they don't come anyday he plays alone or takes swings.Sometimes he says i want to go back ,my friend has not come.Then i play with him.

He always maintains a distance from aggressive kids.He likes to play with 2-3 year olds only in that case those 2-3 year olds are not aggressive.If anybody try to hurt him or fight with him,he come & say me.

Some Point i take care

1. I never tell him to mix up with all the kids because some kids can be aggressive.He has authority to choose his friends.It will help him in long run in choosing his friends.

2. I help him in making friends in parks by interacting with other children & their mothers.I know who can hurt my child but i never stop him to go to aggressive kid but all the time he remain under my observation & interfere also if any child try to raise hand on my child.

We should give moral values to child but not in excess, I teach him that you have to be smart while facing world.I created a good boy image for my child by saying good boy always but now i am trying to improve myself.

Let him play pranks,making loud voice at home to some extent.Allow him to do mess at home.After that you can make him more responsible by cleaning that mess.

Never ever say anything to him like this watchman will come & take you if you won't sleep.You will fall down if you try this swing.Allow him to face danger also.I'm reading a book What do you really want for your children? by Wayne W. Dyer.It is a great book.Every parent should read this book.

At last i say Aanchal will give you better answer.

Hi Neethi!

Kavita here..we had corresponded a few weeks back on this issue n you had given me quite good pointers...have faith in yourself...you are a good mother n your son is lucky to have a concerned mother like you...

sachpreet has given you very good suggestions..in fact I do the exactly the same things done by sachpreet...progress will be there..dont worry..

I am also very sure Aanchal will give detailed suggestions as usual

Take Care!

Hi Sachpreet,

have you gone through this book and how has it helped you..

Thanks!!

Hi Sachpreet and Kavita,

Thanks so much for the reply..Sachpreet,u have given me some good insights.i really liked it when u said he has the right to choose his friends...i felt this was v v true....Ill try to get the book u mentioned....

Kavita,I of course remember u..Thanks for the motivation..It helps...But sometimes,Iam so so fed up..n I like writing..It just relieves me of my stress...I have tried my best..Rest is in hands of Almighty...

i had written a long post and lost it just before clicking the post button :(

i agree with sachpreet..u need to respect your child's choice of friends as long as it is not very detrimental/dangerous. if you accept your child's personality, you will be able to accept his choice of people too.also, i will advise you not to categorize his development into positive and negative. it will hamper your view of his overall development. yes, i have been following your posts about him and i can see many changes in him now! in fact, i find most of the changes very reassuring.

if we want a sensitive child who is loving and caring at home, then we cannot expect him to be indifferent, rough and tough with friends outside..he will be then senstive in social setings too..otherwise he will be indifferent at home too..its only after certain age, they are able to show different personalities according to situational demands.

if your son is afraid of certain things, you need to accept this before you wish to do something about it. if you dont accept his fears, you will only give him a message that there is something wrong with him. is he doesnt like screams, so be it. if he is comfortable with soft kids, so be it. you , however, need to encourage him more in his speech.

 Hi aanchal and neethi, 

Neethi..I have been reading your posts since sometime and I feel that my 5 year old son is similar to your son in terms of speech and language development.I have also been seeking aanchals help on the same.. Recently I have had a second child and this is further moulding my sons behaviour in both positive and negative terms.

Some of my concerns for which i need all your help is:

- He does'nt listen to anything that i say. It had started within a week my li'l one was born and that settled,now its started all over again when i wanted him to get into the routine of writing.

- He has lost all interest in studies, doent do anything constructive..No drawing, oral learning, writing..Just plays with a handkerchief saying that its a train and making train sound.This is a major concern for me as hes missing a month of school due to my maternity.

- He hits the li'l one when we fail to notice him.

Also, i feel his speech delay is because he does'nt think and reason out on his own..He repeats what i teach and what i say..Does'nt think of his own...

Aanchal..please help me out as im quite desperate and dont know what to do..My rapprt with him is totally gone..He just shuns me away for everything..

Neethi..Can u please share as to what u did with your son for his improvement in speech.

Acceptance of your son's behaviour is very necessary.I tell you i was the most worried mother for my son.You can see my posts sometimes for his soft nature,sometimes for his lack of interest in dance.The moment i accepted his nature i'm quite happy mother working in directions in which he shows interest.

I noticed a few things while going to park regularly.Don't take it personally.It is just i wanted to share.One child likes to run but his mother says take that swing.When i said to his mother he is enjoying running.She said kuch to activity kare,why don't he take swings.One two & half year old girl always remain in the lap of her mother.Her mother threw a ball & asked her to pick that ball to make her active but that girl is going in her own direction without noticing ball.One day my child stood at one place for 10 mins only noticing the maid's kids playing with each other.But i never interfere in his actions.One three year old girl wanted to climb to take slide but her mother always stop her from doing so.In short we should not plan everything for our children.Let them be.Our duty is to safeguard them.

@Ksb78 I have read around 150 pages of this book& don't get much time to read nowadays.But this book not only teaches parenting skills but it proved a self help book for me also.I was  very sensitive type of person but after reading this book i'm not only inculculating those things in my child but improving myself.

Hi Aaanchal,

Thanks for ur post....sad to hear that u had a long post which got deleted...I wud have probably got some more relief.....

Hi Cherygal,

My child is six..though there is some improvement in speech its just not up to the mark..But something is better than nothing....Right?I cannot guide u as much as Aanchal but Ill try my best..ill share somethings i did as a mother....

Firstly ,I never gave him anything he wanted till he asked me for it...Pointing,shouting,crying would not work for me and I waited till he asked me for it though I always used to get irritated...I was firm n asked him to ask basically to open up n speak for himself.....

Secondly I stopped cummunicating in my mother tongue n started in English...explaining things,asking questions to him..everrything wud b in english so that he wud find it easier to manage in school......

Thirdly if he wud speak a ingle word,i wud complete the sentence for him and ask him to repeat after me...Next time if a similar situation arose,he has to speak the sentence ....gaining frm past experience,till then I wud not budge!!If hes not able to,I wud help him...but sentence is a must...

Encouraging for more eye contact....teaching him public behaviour,Telling v v short stories n asking him questions after the story is over....If hes not answering,i help him....

My son has a short attention span..I know how tough its to tackle such kids...And i can perfectly understand how taxing it can b for u with the young one.....But u have to keep trying...

So many people have come up to me and said something seems wrong with ur kid..may be some problem in the brain..n so on...Its like a ocean of grief.....I cant express my feelings in words...

I also want 2 confess that I have made so many mistakes as a mother...Since my kid was born in a nuclear fly,I was alone to take care of him...TV was a helping factor which proved fatal now...I used 2 switch on rhymes for him n finish all my work...Sometimes,I curse myself for resorting to this......During their developing age..u know somewhere b/t 1-3 yrs if there is not much exposure in terms of cummunication,not many people around to talk to the child..plus excessive TV watching,then I feel this is the outcome........Iam paying a heavy price formy sins!!!

Give ur child some colouring books,some clay..to kill idle time....let him assist u in the kitchen..dosent matter if it gets dirty....get him to work for ur younger one....and lastly be firm,but handle him with love n care....U never know after few yrs,u may forget all these issues...and his maturity may speak for himself...........