7 ways to keep your patience when dealing with children

Frustrated. Angry. Ready to react in a nasty way. Don't. Tons of research shows that nothing is gained by becoming angry, shouting at or hitting your children and it has a very detrimental effect on their mental, social and emotional growth. Here are some tips you can use when you are about to lose your patience. Use these, before things turn bad.

"Children may need timeouts after they misbehave. But parents do need timeouts BEFORE they get angry" - a wise parent

Sit down

As soon as you sense your frustration levels going up, sit down. It has multiple beneficial effects. When you are standing up, you are looking down on children as they are smaller. Human nature has been trained to dominate those smaller than ourselves. Subliminally, millions of years of evolution, teach you to try and dominate. Sitting down helps you get over this deeprooted feeling. Sitting down brings your child (especially the smaller ones) at your eye level. It makes you perceive them as being more equal to you. This will temper your response greatly.

Stop talking

Just stop. As much as you love to talk, often your own words sabotage your emotions. When they fall on your ears, they remind you of your disappointment at whatever it is that caused your frustration. They reinforce your emotions in a negative direction and make things worse. So just stop talking. Put your hand over your mouth if you have to.

Take a deep breath

Or two or three or more. Slow down your heart and lower your blood pressure.  Inhale and exhale slowly.  Pranayama has been a time-honoured technique in India. Use it. It works even in a simple form.

Walk away

Yes, really! Every problem does not have to be solved at the immediate instant. Walk away for a minute and come back. It takes your mind off the issue for a very short period and lets you think rationally. You would not have lost the opportunity to explain to your child about what they did wrong, as the child would not have forgotten it in a minute.

Write

It has been proved repeatedly that writing your thoughts down always cools down your passion. Brain researchers have found by observing various parts of the brain, that writing, regulates emotions. It is also cathartic. It gives us the feeling that we have said what we wanted to say to the other person. We can just throw that paper away, but the feeling of triumph remains. Try it.

Wash your face

Go to the nearest bathroom and throw some cold water on your face. A shower is even better but just washing your face is more practical.  Water has a very cooling effect on you and your temper.

Find a punching bag

Go to your bedroom and punch the bed, or throw a pillow at the wall or take a handkerchief, make it a ball and throw it around . All are acts that will not break anything (hopefully!). These will help you get the anger out of your system.

All of the above techniques, are ways to slow yourself down, to take a few seconds or longer to calm down and react in a more measured manner.  If you do react angrily once in a while (as all human beings do), do not dwell on it and get depressed. Just apologize to your children. Little children can often dust off the occasional bout of anger from you and focus on the love you give them. But if you get angry too often, you need to find a way to stop it. Remember that a parent who is angry a lot, has a strong negative effect on a child's emotional and social development.

namaste 2012-08-15 12:55:10

there is no sense in apologising to the kid that only proves that they were right in the first place sometimes sparing a rod means spoiling a child in my house i find that the more i am relaxed and calm when my son misbehaves the more he grabs the opportunity to continue doing what he wants to do ultimately i feel its better to hit them

Deepali28 2012-05-05 10:11:37

ANGER is just one letter short of DANGER so we should try to avoid it. These tips are very useful.Thanks !

Shakvisa 2012-01-29 23:31:12

help me to behave myself and control myself after reading this.thankyou.

Shakvisa 2012-01-29 23:29:30

after reading this uderstood d way how to behave with my child when getting angry.thanks for advice.

Manisha0109 2011-08-25 16:27:13

Another way I find very useful is..I go online and read blogs like these :)

SmartMom1 2010-12-14 15:17:46

I loved the blog. Though I dont lose temper so often, I do get sometimes, when my daughter gets overly naughty. I have tried the "walk away" tip, but not others like splashing water, sitting down. Worst part is my daughter gets super excited when she is out of home like on the road, or in the train! I really lose my temper and hit her sometimes. Later I do feel terribly guilty!

Achintya02 2010-12-14 12:53:56

Excellent n very helpful. I really feel bad everytime after scolding or beating up my kid for his extra ordinary mischivous. After reading this i will def fine tune my anger and try to settle the issues amicably.

Maneks 2010-03-17 16:49:37

This is so helpful. can u also give tips for working mothers who have left the jobs and are now full time mothers. How do they cope up with the change around them.

gaya3guru 2009-12-05 20:55:41

I agree with meera, i know im a loving and caring mother, but loose my temper very often when my kids do someting that is unacceptable to me.. later i sit down and realise that they are kids and have to be delt likewise...all this happens only after regreting.... often i have worried that i may also be setting a wrong example to my kids...but couldnt really help to control my anger level..the reasons may be plenty to support my anger but i know that it is wrong. THESE 7 WAYS I THINK IF I PRACTISE REGULARLY CAN BE OF GREAT HELP. THANKS FOR THE GOOD ARTICLE.

MeeraS 2009-03-04 17:26:47

It is a good 7 ways, i keep losing my temper every time my son does not listen. May be i will take a print out and stick it is my bedroom. But important point is, we have to keep practising it.