Fun and easy playdates for 6-12 year olds

Preparing for the playdate

• Whom to call? When? For how long?
  • Number - Let your child decide whom to call.  Of course if there is a bad company issue, then temper delicately with your judgement. Give them a limit for the number of kids. For the first playdate, it might be best to have just one playmate. So that they get to know each other well. For other playdates, it might be okay to have 1, 2 or 3 other kids. Remember that kids tend to get boisterous in large groups. If you are calling 2 kids, then be watchful of 2 ganging up on the third. And invite more than 3/4 kids for special playdates (birthday, end-of-school etc.) as it gets tough to manage so many active ones.
  • Time - It might be best to limit the playdate for upto 2 hours unless the kids really know each other.
  • Sleepovers - Figure out your views on allowing sleepovers and at what age, beforehand. Talk to other Parentree parents. We have focused only on playdates here.
  • Even if it is a drop-off, it might be a good idea to invite the moms at times for coffee / tea when they come to drop-off or pick-up. This way you can catch up with what is happening in your child's friends' lives as well.

• Do your homework.
  • Find out food habits.
  • Does she like dosa or biscuits or apples etc.?
  • Ask about food allergies, parents’ attitude toward junk food etc.
  • You could have one “safe” item and one different one. This way playdates can be an opportunity to expose kids to different foods with minimum risk.
  • What they like to do and play? Think about and involve your child in deciding a few activities. Of course, children will change your plan and spontaneity is fun but it helps to have thought and prepared.

• Above all, relax and keep the playdate simple.
  • It is okay to have a messy house.
  • Do not stress over making a lot of fancy snacks. Kids are happy with biscuits and a fruit as well.
  • The children and your sanity are more important.

Playdate time!

• Set up the ground-rules and other ideas in a gentle manner upfront.
  • For example, no closing the bedroom door; After playing, you are going to help us in the clean up; You can play everywhere but not in the drawing room and so on.
  • Decide your rules and limits. Stick to a few and be firm about these.
  • Let them know that you or some other responsible adult are available should they need something or need any help.

• You could have one planned activity.
  • For example read a book to them, bake cookies, have them do some art or craft.
  • Depends on the situation: In case they are taking time to warm up, this will get them started. Or if start squabbling in the course of the playdate, this can be good quiet time for the kids.
  •  If they make something, they can take it home as well.

• You could also scatter some play and activity materials around to spark play.
  • This is especially useful if there are more than 3 or 4 kids - all kids will have a variety of fun things to choose from.
  • For example, open the lego box, board games, carrom board, the dress-up box, sketch pens and paper...
  • Keep some games and ideas in your mind as well in case one of them comes and tells you that they are bored.

• Be available for them. But do not intervene unnecessarily.
  • Kids this age might want to be left alone while hanging-out. Respect that. 
  • Once they are set and playing well, you could be in the other room to intervene if there is a problem. You could even be on your laptop. Be doing something and still be there for them.
  • Wait for cues from them that they are getting bored and then suggest an activity.

• Avoid or minimize turning on the TV or other video or computer games.
  • Encourage them to play and interact first. Use entertainment only as a very last resort or towards the latter part of the playdate.
  •  Remember this is a playdate and the idea is for them to hangout together.
  • As they get older, you might need to decide about your policy about video games, Nintendo, Wii etc. Learn more about these. Talk to other Parentree parents. Some games that encourage interaction and physical movement like Nintendo Wii might be okay within limits.

•  For older kids:
  • If you are concerned about peer pressure and certain undesirable activities (for example, girls talking about boys and sex when they are still little), keep a discreet watch, be calm and distract if need be. They are growing up and you need to handle things delicately. For example, if your 7 year-old daughter’s buddies are giggling about kisses and boys, you could just diffuse the situation with some humour, by hugging and kissing some of them and saying that I love you and kiss you to show my affection...
  • Unless something is really out of limits, do not be too strong in front of their peers. You could alienate your child in the process instead of making them open out to you. Talking to your child after the playdate might be more effective. 
  • This is where an open and strong relationship with your child and your network with other moms can help.
  • Above all, decide the limits that are important to you and then stick to these gently and firmly.

• Have a snack break.
  • Make sure that the snacks are served on the dining table and not in their room. Its your chance to chat with them and learn so much about your child, his peers and their group dynamics.
  • You can even involve them in getting the snack ready and setting the table. Its fun and makes them feel important and responsible.
  • Some fun, healthy and easy snack ideas our kids love - Mickey Mouse dosa (small dosa for face and tiny ones for ears and eyes and mouth, just be creative), fruit salad, cucumber and carrot sticks with dip. 
  • You can give milk or juice / water as well. They might forget to drink fluids. So do remind them.
  • Keep it simple though, especially if you do not have help. It is more important that you are tuned to the children, having fun and keeping your sanity.