I am a working mother of a 21 month old boy. i have my in laws with me, so they take care of my son wn i leave for offc. They take very good care of him n love him a lot. I am really glad to have them.
though I am working I do try to spend maximum time with my son. before leaving him with my mom-in-law, I do feed him and give him a bath in the morning. once i am back in the evening i cook his dinner, feed him spends time with him and rocks him to sleep.
Inspite of all this i feel my son is not very attached to me.. as in i feel he is more attached to others than me.. maybe its just my misconception..but i do feel so.
i do scold him n spank him when he does something wrong. Should i stop that..but i feel since he obeys only me if i let him loose on this he will be spoilt. but at the same time since my in laws n my husband are al;ways nice to him he is very fond of them n not me..
Can you please help me with your suggestions?
This is a problem with many working women. Children tend to get attached with whomever they are spending more time with. If the working mother is also strict, then naturally the child is going to get more happier with others who lets him or her have their way. No mother will like their childs affection going to someone else. Most grandparents wont be strict with their grandchildren and they do not have the energy to also do so at their age.
Try to see if your husband can do the job of disciplining him. For instance if your child does not comply with something , ask your husband to tell him firmly. Or you can make your child do what you want him to do by subtly distracting him that he would not feel your strictness. For instance- If your boy does not want to bathe that day, try to distract him into bathing. If there is a bath toy like bath books, you can persuade him to take the book into the bathroom to read, or you can say lets give your duck a bath and lets teach it to swim(or any other animal/bird toy) or lets see how your car sinks in water- you know something of this sort.. hope you get the picture. This way you can get what you want to get done without being strict with him. Also play a lot of age appropriate games with him. Toddlers like to play hide and seek a lot and like people making funny faces and noises. Sing a lot of rhymes or anything that will get his attention and get him to laugh at you or give you many of those wonderful smiles. He will soon be looking forward to you coming home everyday.
these links should help
i really empathise with you and can totally understand what u are going thru. i myself am a stay at home mom to a 3yr old....in the three yrs i have had her i have tried to put her needs in priority of everything else in my life ...i wake up very early to finish cooking so that when she wakes up i can spend time with her,i havnt seen a movie in a cinema hall for the longest time ,havnt gone for a vaccation to anywhere besides my parents place.now i am at my parents place for a month and while i do all her work for her ,entertain her,she dosnt want to sleep next to me at night and wants to sleep with grandparents....now most of the time she tells me she wants to be with them instead of me.....they are very good to her and i love that she is close to them but it hurts me a lot that i can be so despensible to her ......i have started to be a little strict with her coz she is getting very spoilt.....we spoil her with endless toys...i used to give in to her every demand and now i see that she dosnt value anything and is full of tantrums when she dosnt get her way......so u see its not yr working which is the problem at all.....dont blame yrself for anything.....i know how it hurts when u try so hard for them ,push yrself to be thre more for them and then they show their indifference to you....i have decided now to make more time for myself and to learn to give her space and to enjoy having space for myself........i refuse to feel guilty abt disiplining her because i know i give her sufficient love ,time and respect.......as i write this i am awake not being able to sleep because she is not beside me ...but tomorrow morning i will be a stronger person and i will do the best job i can as a mom without crusifying myself for each and everything.i agree with the person who adviced you to indulge in some fun activities with yr son....it will help a lot .u are doing a great job .
thank you NJ n aanchal! Anchal.. u r always there to help.. thank you so much!
hey hema..i can to can understand what you are going through..but u knw wt dnt worry..everythng will be alright..n yes u need feel guilty at all.. i too scold my son if he is behaving wrongly..but m sure when the child grows he wud definitly understand our love rgt! also may be this the time when u can spend time with ur husband too..you watch movies, go out for dinner.. maybe that will make you feel gud too!