Our 9-year-old son jas just joined the Sahyadri School near Pune. It is a boarding school. How does one cope with the bereavment reactions that are bound follow when you leave your little one at a boarding school - especially if no frequent visits or phone calls are not allowed? Why does one grive so much? Does it automatically mean that we love our children so much that we can not bear the separation? Is it really true love? If one loves one's child, he/she must do what is in the best interest of the child - even if it means a prolonged physical separation. However, it is easier said than done, isn't it?
My wife and I missed our son so much that it became unbearable. We kept crying each night for one whole week.
Can any parent with children in a boarding school help us to cope with this?
the only way to cope with it is to let your child you miss him but not fall apart in front of him or tell him how u cant bear the separation. kids want to know that their parents are not happy without them, but at the same time kids feel very guilty to enjoy anything in the hostel if they have a hint that their parents are miserable at home. so maintain a balance there.
also, to answer your own questions, introspect very clearly why u have sent yr child to hostel. guilt in parents generally doesnt hit if the reason is nothing but poor study environment at home..i havent sent my kid to any hostel, but i have myself studied in a hostel most of my student life. and i know how it feels.
take care and things will settle down in time :)
We have sent our son to this particular boarding school because we liked the philosophy of this school - which is grounded in the great philosopher, teacher J.Krishnamurthy's well known views on education. We wanted him to grow up to into a complete and good human being. We knew that academic excellence would follow. After all, getting good marks is not the be- all and end- all of everyhting in life. Life is much more than that.
Yes. Things seem to be settling down.
Thanks any way.
i have also studied in Krishnamurthy's centre (varanasi) and i can understand your desire for complete and overall development..his philosophy is excellent when it comes to education vs knowledge..best wishes for your son :)
Good to know you studied in a KFI school. Can you tell us about your experience there? Did it bring about a positive change in you? Do you intend yto send our child to a KFI school?
about sending my kid to hostel, i am actually against hostel system!! sorry to sound harsh here, but i personally feel that kids shouldnt be sent to hostel unless the circumstances are totally against keeping them at home. but thats my personal opinion and it differs from most of people around me.. even i may change my opinion with time, but as of now i strongly feel that kids develop best with parents around, especially until adolescence is reached.
KFL was my first hostel and i am glad that it was. had it been any other place, i would have been devastated, coz i was a very homesick child. the teachers were very caring. food was excellent (sometimes better than home). the exposure was good. it provided a very nice feel of indian culture. its been more than 15 years now, and then it didnt have many modern facilities that world-class schools have these days. but the best thing sthat i learned from there were 'to feel connected to our roots' and 'what education really means' and how getting to simply know everything is not the final aim of life. these are a few positive things i have picked up from kFL.
i am sure your son will have a good time at KFL..best wishes to him and you.
I can understand sepration from your child must be painful. Sending your kid to the boarding school isn't an easy decision. Even i am plannning to send my kid to the boarding school but physical separation of my child from us and old friends is making decision emotionally difficult...
Hi, I have really experienced that bad and negative effect on the child when sent to boarding schools.. I left my son in a boarding school in Panchgani when he was 5y due to family problems as I had no options left.. but the pain I and my son went through is still fresh in our minds. When I brought him back after a year I realised instead of growing with the time he was mentally still 4-5y old kid. Still has the feeling of insecurity. I am a single parent handling everything alone but will never ever think to do so again.. The insecurity that is built in the childs heart and mind at this tender age never leaves him even after he is grown up. Some times he discusses about what he used to feel than, I tred to make him understand that parents send their children to school to become strong and smart etc.. he replaid " Mummy you will never understand what a child feels because you are not in that place.. every time there is a feeling in the mind that there is no-one over here to listen or see, anyone can say anything, beat etc.. but no-one to safeguard ".. can you imagine these are the words from a 7y old kid now. I will never suggest any parents in the world to do so.. If you really love your kid then dont do this, I understand now a days we are so busy making money but we parents bring the kids in this world and they are our responsibility and we cannot run away from it, be it any way. I am full of tears while typing this and imagining the childs mental and emotional condition. I am really sorry, I am not against any institutions and thought of sharing things.. I apologise again if at all I have hurt any one. .. TC..
its very unfortunate naushu..i can feel your sorrow..hope things get better with time
As a mother i can understand your sorrow,But don't feel guilty for leaving your child in hostel.It was due to your circumstances.Now you can give love to your child.Be strong.Things will get better with time.Believe in present ,Your child is expressing his feelings you are there to listen him & love him.Enjoy this time.
Thank you so much Anchal and Sachpreet for understanding how a mother and a child feels when it comes to boarding school, I wish fathers as well understand this. Thanks again.
Naushu, tears well up my eyes reading your post. God should give you and your child to overcome this...Things should get better for both of u...
I think when being a single parent with out any sort of financial or any other help and support I can manage to keep my son with me and take care of him, I don't find a reason why parents even think about admitting kids in boarding schools..???..