Fed up of life!! - Page 1

I am depressed, sick, bored, frustrated of life!!

My son is 4yrs old. He is very naughty, doesn’t sit in one place, and is good only when I am around with him. If we have any guest or we are out on weekend- he shows his true colors of not listening to us, running around, becomes very stubborn, misbehaving. Its difficult to handle him.. He is our only child. My husband is not keen on having another baby. But my son loves kids. Also he hates to be at home- he loves to be at our neighbors place or likes being home when his cousins or grand parents visit us. The problem I want to discuss is his school teacher has been repeatedly calling us to complain that he doesn’t sit quite in the class, doesn’t follow instructions, keeps running/ jumping on the bench. I am a working woman & I meet him only for 2-3 hours, and on weekends. If I get angry on him- he gets very emotional & cries. I feel guilty. Even if the teacher says he doesn’t follow instructions –he learns quickly, be it alphabets, numbers, spellings, he is good at it. Don’t know what to do?

Hi,

Your son loves being with people.Clearly shows that he is feeling lonely with his parents(mother)not being around to take care of him.

Defiance may even show a ' see,if you don;t be with me all the time this is what I will do,'attitude.

Maybe you should quit your job and spend more time with him at least until he grows up a little and understands. Ot you could arrange for your parents or inlaws to be in house.

He is feeling bored.Spend more time with him. Don;t ever show your frustrations.It will make him play up more or upset him.Be kind yet firm.I think your lifestyle needs a makeover to accomodate your son.

gaykrish

I think your child is a talented hyperactive child, which is common now for many kids anyway. Before school try sending him for swimming or tennis classes. That may help with the hyperactivity in school. I think some of the swimming/tennis coaching centers allow to enroll children from 4 upwards. 

general hyperactivity needs to be differentiated from clinical ADHD. the difference is in degree. approach to remediation also differs. do consult a psychologist if you do not have resources and support system to help him yourself

Hi,

He is very young.first of all we have to understand that child needs mom's attention a lot.

Till 6yrs of age,we have to be with the kid.

Mom is the best pchycologist than others.Just plan all ur activity and try to work on it.We can not change anything immediately.

It is a skill to bring up the child.

if finance is not the problem,then u can take a break from ur work.So automatically our main stress of work is gone from our mind.now u will not have guilty feeling.

try to be with him from brushing his teeth,feeding him,dressing him up and personally leave him to the school.whatever time u r getting just chit chat with ur friends.

Karate is the best class for kids where discipline comes automatically.Any Proper,professional sport activity will change the attitude of any person.

Take care and Best of Luck.

Thanks for your comments!

I am with him while he brushes/bath/getting ready/going to school. Then I meet him at 8pm. I cant afford to quit my job. If i send him to play he quickly learns bad things (words like pagal/sala) so we dont send him out/dont let him meet his 2 friends coz even they are hyperactive & create mess around. Instead we take him to (boring) malls. We (me n my hubby) hate this lifestyle however there are no gardens/playgrounds nearby(even far away). We both feel very guilty.

" I cant afford to quit my job"  was something i was thinking too earlier when I was working.

You need to give some sitting time activities with him to improve his sitting tolerance -- like coloring, painting, art and craft work, puzzles, activity books, writing(even scribbling is fine for a start), or reading books together but all these activities should be done sitting down. You can start of first with 5 minutes of sitting and then then gradually increase it to 30 minutes and then to an hour. Get a study table and chair set for him which will be ordained his work place. 

 If you can include the sitting tolerance activities in your hectic work schedule, then there is nothing like it, else you need to find someone who can come home and do it for your son like a tution teacher or send him for activity classes after school, where they could give him specific sitting activities. Also find some physical activity classes like tennis/swimming before school so that all his energy is spent there and so he would mellow down in school. If you cannot find the time to do this/accompany him to these classes, find someone who can do it in your place. Coz all these complaints are just going to keep building up and eventually it may get too late to correct things.

 MY son (7 year old)is same as your son.even he is very over active.suddenly he beats his 2 year old sister if she takes any thing related to him. Even i dont let my son to play with frnds becoz he play too too much which gives him leg pain in the night,shouts too much,and fights starts between them.sometimes He will be simply jumping one soffa to another soffa.he will be waching his favoriate cartoon and when ever any advertisement comes he will simply run from one room to another room and till outside gate and comes back to watch cartoon. He don't wish anyone expect my parents and brothers becouse he likes them very much. He is some time very shy character and some time very stubborn he wants something means he will not sleep till he gets it but one thing i know that he is good in studies.

I am thinking my son is very good in studies becoz he understand every thing When I teach him so he will do good in the school also but in the school i get complain that he never sit's in one place while studing and writes slowly takes his own time in the class and talks too much with frnds dont consuntrate in the class ok i agree with this so what we can do for this, should i go the school and sit with him because he listerns to me,Its teachers respocibilities to make their student fast,intelligent and a good listerner.but as far as i know my son he need lot of affection lot a playful activity in studies to make him undersatnd and we have to give lot of examples.but the way we teach at home by knowing his habits ,but school teachers cant understand him becouse they are busy with lot of childrens and they dont have patience to teach a child like we do. At last school teachers can just complain that he does like this like that and all.now days teachers expects from parents to improve the child ,"then why school is there for" we take adminition in big school hoping that they will teach good manners,good education to our child but at last they ask us and give some ideas to impove our child why cant thay follow that ideas them selfs are they not taking fees from each and every student 7 to 8 hours our kids are at school only 4 hours at home how can we improve our kids at remaning 4 hours dont they need some relax after school.its school's resposibilites to give good education and teach good manners to our child.

deepali8304 - I totally agree with you. Nowadays teachers dont have the patience to handle the kids. Even during our times, there were such students but teachers never complaint. I never remember teachers calling parents to school for silly reasons. Times have changed,my sons teacher calls me every alternate day and the reasons are weird. I get more depressed due to this. I hate this life. Teachers give me big lectures - i dont understand what to do???

NJ- Thanks again. Yes, i will follow your instructions.

Looking forward for the long weekend with my son. I want to keep him entertained. I love him very much, he is my super star :)

good go a head now how you are going is correct method.but also a child should not be let free as they want they should have a little fear of parents and teacher also

teachers expects from parents to improve the child

A young child only spends couple of hours in school. He spends most of the time home. So of course the greater onus is on the parents to mould the child. What the child observes at home is what is reflected in schools and other places. I have seen countless children watching cartoons like chotta bheem and using that on other children. First thing - stop all cartoons like chotta bheem. However they cry to watch those cartoons, let them, they will come around in a few days, they,  some behavior modification is needed for many children nowadays. All these violent cartoons and highly processed or sugary food is what is causing a rough behavior in most of the children.

 hi, 

  i can understand ur problem b'cos even i m in the same state as u mentally. i m a housewife. we just shifted to bangalore. got my son adimission in a small school and a reputed school sri sri ravi shankar jp nagar, thought they would give personal attention. but to my surprise they r only 14 kids in the class. but still teacher dosen't want to take  any intiative for my child. he is hyper, and don't like changes. but in given proper attention ,he sits and do his work. and also he is a case of speech delay, cannot express if someone treats him badly. bangalore schools r in worst condition. teachers r  not to increase there wisdom but to decrease there confidence. i m changing the school and looking for the school where kids r given attention. and even if u can  do the same that would be great.  there is no prob in our kids it's with teachers search for a school which r children sensitive. hope we will recover from this very soon.

Yes you are exactly correct.our kids should be treated as their own kids. Kids should not feel hesitate to ask teacher any thing like going toilet,eating,drinking,feeling sick and asking doudts realated to anything.Our kids are full of curiosity they want to learn and mingel but onces they are stopped with this by teachers ignorances or scolding the child feel neglacted and they scare to ask doubts.

A teacher should  ask voluntarily  the child how they feeling if any problem they are invited to come and ask or tell, we will help you.A teacher knows which child is poor they should ask that child perticularly weather he is getting or not if not they should try to teach the child in other easy methods and should be tought by lot of examples till the child understands and capable to repeat it by his own mounth. At least one small story should be told by that  poor child in front of class which will give him confident and he should be appriciated if he says half story also other half teacher can complete.Teachers and staff should be polite and encouraging to our kids. A child should feel free and open minded with there teachers.comparison of children is the worst thing that teachers DO NOW A DAYS.

The teacher should call the parents only if the child fights and injures the other child or spoils school property. If the teacher calls to tell that your child is not good in studies this does make any sense by telling to parents. It has only one sense that the teacher is not good his or her method of teaching is not good.

i don't agree to u . being strict is no solution to things. for sensitive children we parents r the only way out. u just keep urself in the place of of a child who is having any prob. if u had a prob and ur teachers r not listening and ur parents r not supporting  u. just imagine what will be ur state. we r not only parents to our kids but also their best friends who will help; them in anyway whatever their condition is. and when this thing every parent will understand no child will commit suicide, or go in wrong directions.

Thanks all for your comments.

Yesterday my mil had come to our place. My son was so dam happy- he annouced that he would be sleeping with his granny. He was very excited. My mil is not a very emotional person. She likes him but she is more interested in discussing other matters with me/hubby. So, she came & after a Hi-Hello session she started talking to us. Now, my son who was a 'good boy' till then, suddenly started creating mess with newspapers, throwing toys, getting irritable and if I make angry or sad face-he comes to me and says 'mamma plssssss smile'. Gosh!! I have to listen to my never stopping mil, worried about my sons behaviour, getting angry on my helplessness.

The problem in the school is it seems he runs around a lot.Phew!!

kruti,

What you mentioned about your child - like speech delay, dont like changes, cannot express ---- all these are indicators that your child needs professional help/therapies.

If your child need 1-1 attention, regular schools are not equipped to handle it. You could look into integrated schools which will allow an aide into the class who will help your child focus in the class and give him 1-1 attention throughout the class, else special schools where teachers are trained to handle differently abled children. There is no point in looking further for regular schools-- as all schools will give you the same feedback, and it is definitely not going to be of any help for the child. So inquire around and look for a school that will nurture your childs hidden talents , asap.  

kruti, 

Your childs problem is different from all other children mentioned in this thread. The other children needs just behavior modification  --- and sumangolatis advice is right on track.

For your kid you need to take a more broader approach -- there are various factors at play here- take a professional opinion on this with a child psychiatrist/neurologist/developmental pediatrician.

young children misbehave due to ignorance of the fact that such  behavoir is not approved either parents or teachers..they may also think that such kind of small misbehaviors bring them more attention than good behaviors..sometimes if they are much bored or idle they may involve in such kind of stir ups..nothing much to worry as these habits will disappear as they grow up and mature..

I agree with yeskumar. I think your son's problem will disappear as he grows.

Also I have heard a retired teacher comment  on my daughter, that "few kids in a class will be like this and those kids usually have a higher IQ level.  It is just your should channelize his energy in right direction as he grows"

My own daughter behaves most of the time like your son. But I am seeing that behaviour coming down as she grows.

I am still getting complains from all corners for her lack of attention and restlessness.

From 3yrs to 6 years now, she has changed a lot, but still some issues you have mentioned are there, like becoming hyperactive when guests come in, running away from us when we go out (she'll hv the least fear of any new place).

I was worrying abt all this, but now I know it is just part of her childhood and trying to put up with it.

Thanks Anthi & YesKumar!

I hope my child will change will time. The other day he swallowed a small rubber. I rushed to a neighbour and she simply said ''U must have done some ''paap'' so such child was born to u :('' Gosh!! I felt so very sad. When i went to see the doc, there were so many parents who came forward and said even their kids had done such things, so it was pretty normal. But the neigbours remark made me very angry. He is just a little kid & may god bless him with lot of wisdom so that these people who say bad will have their mouth shut. (btw all worried friends the small rubber came out the very next morning with his poop).

Happy Independence Day to all my well wishers!

its very common. I have a hyperactive kid, i just have to spend a lot of time to channelize her engery . its very hard... but then what would help you is, first hire a good maid, make sure he gets enough play time. if possible go cycling with him, exercise with him, run around, play tag - ball etc.

basically such kids need plenty of exercise. Go easy on sugary stuff... and you would see wonders....

Aaah, keep ur chin high, its a passing phase and u are an amazing mother without doubt. Hmm, having another child might not solve your problem. Spending more time can.  i m hoping u already hv a full time maid.?

I second the limit sugar diet of Rubu. Best to go sugar free to see the effect. I feel all kids should be given a sugar restricted diet.. Feel most are hyperactive nowadays.

Thanks Rubu & NJ, I will definiately cut down on Sugar. I am also enrolling him for tennis classes. Lets hope for the best!

1.  if hyperactivity is combined with speech delay and behavioural issues ,then one needs to consult a pead/psychologist
2. earlier the diagnosis,sooner the treatment ..earlier wd be the recovery...as brain keeps developing until the age of 6 yrs
3. some kids may have minor sensory issues which can be tackled with O.T.This would calm them down.
4. if hyperactivity alone is there,then the parents need to channelise thier energies with outdoor /phsical activiities like swimming,skating ,music classes etc.this will also reduce their misbevahour make them focus more and they would follow our instructions