its very sad. no B.Ed course teaches teachers how  to be good to children. i am trying to do my bit to sensitize teachers, but with limited resources i am able to reach very few at a time.

I wanted to share something with you.In the first PTM of class 1 I didn't like the teacher at all.The reason is she was scolding some kids infront of parents. One mother complained of her daughter for  not eating vegetables. The teacher made that girl along with other thin girl stand infront of  other parents & asked "Do they look like class 1 students?" I didn't like this & i considered it humiliation of  children not encouragement.In my 2nd PTM  younger sibling of one student was holding teacher's table & trying to jump, the class teacher of my son said "I will lock you in Dark room." She didn't say anything to my child as my son is so docile. I saw fear on my child's face when teacher was asking something to my child infront of me. She was not scolding him but only asking. When i came from my first PTM  i get so negative about teacher & so fearful for my child.I asked to my child once or twice in a week " you are sure Mam don't scold you." As my child is going school happily daily.I ignored my outlook towards teacher that it will be due to my protective nature towards my child.Even teacher says he is a quite boy & he should enjoy. I think when Mam scold other kids ,it creates fear in him. I counsel him that teacher won't scold you if you are right.We play teaher-teacher also in which i make him teacher just to analyse what he does in class & teacher don't scold him.

you may reassure him that asking for permission to have lunch can never have any bad effect on 'image'.

sorry if it created confusion

I will apply your guidance.Last year  his teacher said me " make him active & smart" This often make me worried. Kid will remain kid.Some childern tell everything what happened in school & class.But some are not so much talkative like my child. But it doesn't mean that he is not active & smart.Last year when he was writing slow i put my effort to make him fast in writing. But this active & smart he will become only when he will go outside. This can not happen in one day. I counsel him to finish his work. early,to react if anybody irritate him, communicate with teaher for his neads.He personality improved 80%. He is not a shy boy but he don't talk much in class.But he pays attention to everything in class.If somebody snatches his toy in park or say something bad to him , he come & complain to me.He becomes angry with that friend also.But don't raise his hand & say bad in return.

start practicing at home. make him speak up for himself. give him situations, ask him for the solutions. if the solution that he gives seems incorrect, dont dismiss it. gently convey your concern and give an 'alternate' solution. for example,

you: "what do you think you will do if your friend snatches your ball?"

he: "i will let him play with it"

you: "hmm..and if he doesnt return?"

he: "nothing, i will wait"

you:" hmm..suppose he keeps playing with your ball and makes you wait till your play time is over, then?"

he: " i dont know"

sounds familiar, doesnt it? you should find out what will happen if he puts his foot down in front of his friend, if he asks his teacher to let him eat. it is important to know his fears. he may be afraid of getting scolded. he may be afraid of losing respect. he may be afraid of getting beaten up.  you may reassure your son that you can fight with the whole world for him and that no one can harm him. you may reassure him that asking for permission to have lunch can never has no effect on 'image'.  enactment of such scenes also help trememdously as the child gets to practice the 'lines' he can say in such real situations.

www.parentree.in/groupdiscussion-2784/stress-in-children-and-how-to-overcome-it.html

www.parentree.in/groupdiscussion-19732/How-to-teach-children-to-contain-their-anger.html

www.parentree.in/groupdiscussion-10373/irritable-kid.html

just to add few things:

• make sure he is not watching too much TV
• control his sugar, cola, chocolate intake
• deworm him regularly
• make sure he is taking sufficient iron, folic acid, zinc (poor nutrition can irritate a child badly)

some quick parenting tips:

• create boundaries, and do not break them, no matter how much he whines or hits (sometimes it is tempting to give in than to control the cranky child)
• your stance shouldnt change with your surroundings or your mood
• when he is cranky, calm down and then calm him down. (agitated parents can do little to reduce aggression)
• calm him down privately, calmly, gently and yet firmly.
• focus on the bad  behavior and not on the 'bad child'
• always conclude the 'calming sessions' with a hug and kiss
• if you are unable to feel calm before talking to him, give yourself a time-out before you re-connect

i appreciate the honest way in which you have described your problem.

first of all, you are not alone. there are many mothers who face this problem. they may not admit, that's another story.

it is not easy, and not necessary, to 'do activities with your child' all the time. in fact, there is no point in doing activities just for the sake of it. in the beginning years, all that your child wants is to bond with you and learn things from you. you dont need to keep doing blocks, puzzles for the same.

everyone needs the 'me-time'. some can function better only if the me-time is much more than the we-time. it is how the mind is set. you can keep your balance of me-we, and yet be with your child

there are 3 ways in which you can be with your child- interactive, silent and parallel.

in interactive you both interact (story reading, teaching a concept, etc). in silent, you both enjoy the same thing without interacting a lot (watching a movie together, walking in a park together etc). in parallel, you give an activity to your child and you be around doing your own things.

stress and frustration starts in mothers when they focus only on the interactive method. it is tiring. so incorporate the other 2 methods too.

i have messaged you the link to one of my blogs that describes various creative ideas for small children.

in no time, your son will start going to school full time and will have a good friend circle too. so dont worry.

If there are 10 kids in a line and if he is the 3rd person, he would let all others go ahead of him just becasue teacher has asked him to be nice to all kids.

He is a very good kid. I dont know how to convince him that its ok to be aggressive sometimes!!

Eagerly waiting for your repsonse Aanchal :)

Thanks.

HAPPY BDAY TO UR LITTLE ONE :)

Regarding ur query, I can say that u should not  worry...Your child is still too young to study on his own....attention spans are short at this age, say, 10 or 15 minute for maximum.

Some children are not ready for formal learning at 5. Children at this age did not have to study, but we need to introduce the lesson. There will be more play ....that's the way to educate children. Teach them with games, singing, storytelling, etc.

The absolutely best thing to do to turn your child on to learning is reading. Read to them as often as possible. There are loads of books for kids, traditional fairy tales & new, contemporary ones.

My Son has just turned 5(today is his bday). Academically very brilliant. Can read all complex words also.Howver when i try to make him study he always wants breaks inbetween...say he wants to write a-z and then have a 10 mnts play break and then write 1-30 followed by a break...is this fine? i want him to sit at a strech for 30 mnts and study. But its getting very diff for me to do that. Please help!

My son is 2.8yrs old and very intelligent. He has keen interest in cars and at this age he can recognise most of the cars with their models and name.

But off late he has become very stubborn and if things dont happen as per his wish he throws his toys, opens the door of the house and says that he wants to leave the house. He also hits me and my parents. He does such things in public as well and it is indeed very embarrassing for us.

Me and my wife try to keep our calm and try to passify him and dont give in to his demands. At times he listens and most of the times he doesnt and creates a scene. I am really worried as my BP level rises coz of such behaviour. Also he has got admission in one of the best schools in Pune in the nursery class and if this behaviour of his aggravates, then we will definitely have a tough time. 

Such behaviour of his is not always. At times he is very well behaved and listens to everything. But when he loses his cool then we have a tough time.

FYI, we live in a joint family and my parents and younger brother live with us. My wife and I both work but we try and give him ample time after 7PM and on weekends. 

Can you please suggest what all things we should do to tone down his erratic behaviour?

Puneet.

Thanks for help everytime you  gave me when i was worried.This time i'm also worried.On Saturday he went for Play in annual prize distribution. Prize distribution function was for 2 hrs. Timings are 10am -12 Pm.Now he is class I. His break timings are 11-11.30 Eighteen kids went for play in another building for play with previous class teacher. Every child had his lunch.But he didn't.When he came back in his class room he didn't do lunch. From 7.30 in the morning to 1.45 he remained hungry. When i asked about this class 1 teacher she said child has come in my absence.I was in another building to host the function.My son is saying Ashu mam didn't tell me to do lunch that's why i didn't do lunch. Later he said when i came back Art lecture was going on.When i asked this about to his previous class teacher with whom they have gone for play. She said we didn't carry lunch boxes over there because function was for very less duration. She said i should make my child smart. He is a grown up kid now. How the art teacher will come to know that child had not eaten his lunch.I'm very depressed why my child is not communicative for his needs. Now he is in class 1 no teacher is taking responsibility. They say the child should tell them about this. My child said Ashu mam kahte tabhi lunch karte hain. I feel my child is not coming out from the tag "obedient child" in which i put  him. From the last 3 years i'm doing this mistake.I told this to every techer when the session starts that he is very sincere & obedient child infront of him. I'm feeling so guilty. Child remained hungry for six hours. No teacher is taking responsibility. They say i should make my child smart & active. I know good values & his soft & docile nature will lead him nowhere.From this year in class 1 school increased class strength also. They are not taking care of kids much.If he is in Obedient tag what can i do to make him smart. How can i rectify my mistake. I was also very soft & sober child,I faced many problems due to my innocent nature in college time.The people around me were very smart. But my mother couldn't support me much due to various other reasons. 

but yeah wud surely try to implenment yr tips...

Engaging a child the whole day is practically impossible and it's not needed too. He needs some unstructured time to be himself. That way you won't be giving directions all the time and spoon feed him. But at the same time try not to let him be on his own the whole day as he would also get bored. I would suggest to get him toys which he can play on his own. For example jigsaw puzzles, Solitary board games, building blocks etc. You may gve him some pcitures books to go through on his own. If he hasnt started reading yet, he can just go thro the pictures. There are activities you can make him do while you do your work.  When he is reading (picture reading) you can sit with him and read your book which also gives him the feeling that you are with him. Similarly when he sits to do colouring, you may do your shopping list, or other writing work you may have along with him., You can involve him in cooking (adding ingredients, or fetching a plate etc) while you cook, involve him in cleaning(e.g dusting a table), watch children's movie together, or even find an actvity which you both are interested in and enroll yourselves in a class and start learning together. That's a great way to bon.d with your child.  If you need a break, tr. leave your child with your husband, mom or MIL or anyone who can take care of him for a while. Take turns to look after him. one thing I would want to insist is listening.  Try a little hard to listen to your child. It builds his self confidence and self esteem. There will be a phase when your child may turn deaf ears and you will be the one who would be repeating things multiple no of times. If you don't listen ... So dont give him the feeling that it's ok to ignore others when they talk. I am sure anchal would give more suggestions. 

      as far acitvites r concernd like story telling,reading,craft,painting,games,pretend play...... though i make up myself a lot, though i try a lot i cant do tat sitting wid him....as vacation going on, he s in home...i feel guilty that i sud spend time with him and involve myself with him but i can do max 4 1-2 days then again i struggles...some how it dsnt suit my nature to b patient and sit and go along wid him in watever he does..i m a bad listener as such...if i leave on him,he dsnt do anything creative but get stucks to TV... i know i can do and i sud a lot but somehow cant....i m ok to take out 4 evening walks,cycling,parks etc and regualr at it but as far as in-door activities, i love if he does indpendntly and i spend time wid my own activites like reading,browsing,cooking etc...

he dsnt have regular play mates coming home or v going in daily chores but ocassioanlly and in school only...

pls guide....

having said that, please make sure that he hasnt been touched in his private parts ever by a maid or an instructor.

actually my son used to love to "swim" when we used to go to the resorts...n before putting him in we had ased whether he'll go...only after his afirmations did we put him....he used to get scared earlier i.e. beginning of the classes when water used enter his mouth n nose...even then he used to willingly come for the classes...in his batch I have seen couple of kids being forcibly dragged by their parents and pushed into the water howling....I had decided that if that stage comes with my son I would rather pull him out of the classes.

Actually what you have suggested that we are planning to do. We are planning to take him to some nice resort where his father can coach him...maybe once or twice a month...then put him for proper coaching next year...

Thanks once again!

My child who turns six recently is not ready to go for swimming class because he is not ready to change clothes infront of maid. Last year he enjoyed swimming in school but this year he don't want to do swimming. I didn't force him.Even at home when my maid comes he don't come  out from bathroom without  undergarments.I told him to change his clothes yourself  while going for swimming class. But he says i don't want to change clothes again & again.

Our 13 year old son is a sensitive soft spoken child and while we got him to a very reputed school here with low child teacher ratios, better facilities etc, he is struggling as all his class fellows in school and neighorhood kids are extremeley aggressive in their langugage and pushing/pulling/hitting each other playfully is very common which he doesnt engage in nor does he like. As a result he frequently is targeted in these places and complaints to teacher or school apparently is only making matters worse

Its now hurting his self esteem and confidence and he constantly asks us to go back which given our other obligations, we cannot do

He now avoids going out to play in the evenings and sits in class reading a book during school lunch breaks. Avoiding other children completely because he is unable to find children who behave mildly or non-physically. Given he is soft spoken, he is often ignored in group conversations and not invited in team sports. He is feeling rejected and left out completely

We are trying to find activities for him in the evening to keep him busy but i am not sure avoiding the sorroudings is an option. While we can afford to send him to boarding schools or schools like TISB in Bangalore, we are not sure the separation from us at this stage of his life is going to do him much good either

What do you suggest ?

My son is almost 16 mnths.He is slowly walking.Plz guide me how I  can engage him in some activities like identifing animals,birds etc or culd be something else.How can we develop him?

Amrita

I am a teacher of primary class. Now going to teach kids in class1. I want to know, what are their basic needs and what guidelines i should follow in teaching kids!!

Regards
Nandini

I have a 2 and a half year old son. He is pretty outgoing and loves sports. My worry is that he gets violent at times and resolves to hitting as fun or when angry or even to gain attention. Me and my husband have tried to control it to a great deal and it has reduced to a level. But he still hits. Being our first born he wants attention all the time and does'nt allow us to do anything on our own, be it cooking, watching tv, reading a book or anything. He simply does'nt allow us to do any task and demands attention all the time. This has started taking a toll on our life and relationship. Is all this normal. How can i encourage him to play on his own for sometime and make him accept that mommy and daddy have other things to do apart from being around and playing with him. And also reduce his hitting habit.

thanks

I have a son who will be 4 years this June.  He doesn't mingle with all the kids but only with few.  He hesitates a lot and cries also in new situations.  I feel he is afraid of social situations. Sometimes he says inappropriate things in public. I don't want this to be a hindrance in his life and career when he grows up.  And recently I read a lot about autism and aspergers syndrome and am totally confused.  I am staying in Frazer Town.  Can you please tell me where should I take him for evaluation?  If there's something to be done to make him interactive and overcome his fear, I feel it has to be done at the earliest.  Thanks.

Hope your are doing fine.

I desperately need your help regarding my son. He is 6 years old. Generally he is a shy child....needs an extra push to learn new things....like one year back when we introduced 2 wheeler cycle with training wheels....he just refused to learn the concept of pedalling...after months of cajoling by his dad n me, he finally learnt to ride..he still cannot ride without training wheels....the same is with his studies....he needs a lot of visual aids for him to learn new concepts....i have accepted the fact that he needs lots of motivation and patience from our side which we do try our best...

now to my current problem...we have joined him for swimmimg class with him agreeing to go...infact he was quite entusiatic about it....in the beginning i.e about 10 days back, he was quite happy...they were holding on to the rods and just jumping about....then the coaches slowly upped the intensity...they slowly started to introduce them to actual swimming..like standing without support in the water (just 3ft of water)...kicking the legs..etc...from that day he is terrified of going to swimming class....he just keeps repeating that i will drown n so i dont want to go....he cries sooo badly that he is unable to follow thier instructions.....

We have tried everything to boost him confidence....like asking him to be brave like his favourite cartoon character Chhota Bheem...even punishments like not allowing him to watch his favourite shows....nothing works....I have told him so many stories of brave boys who tried and tried and then they won....he will agree that he will also try...but the moment he is in the pool he'll start crying...

The thing is he willing comes to the pool...but he is unable to let go of the supporting rod and learn actual swimming...

On top of that my parents look accusingly at me as if I am purposely torturing my child...I just want him to try and no give up in the middle...that he has to atleast try....

Kindly do advise me :

1. If I pull him out now, will it create a negative impact that if I cry very badly mummy will do as I say...

2. Is it o.k to pull him out and then join him next year when he is more mature?

3. Should I try and encourage him more?

Personally I want to try and encourage him. Any tips would be most welcome...

Please do help me.

Thanks in advance!!!

Not sure if you are the best person to ask. We live in UK and my 3.5 yr daughter has Global developmental delay, severe speech delay(non verbal) and we are expecting the ASD diagnosis soon.

We run a home based ABA program here. Are you aware of the ABA programs in India? 

Thanks

SA

My twin daughters are 32 months old. They are able to recognise all alphabets and numbers. I have kind of made them learn a few spellings(like cat, bat, sun, tub, mom, dad etc.). How to proceed forward for them to understand more words and to read? I am a fulltime working mom but able to spend 1-2 hours with my kids dedicated for their learning. Could you please help me with the correct approach/material for them? Also, please send me the link to your FB page. 

Thanks!

Dipti

Dear All,

I am a new member of this site. I am hell lot of worried about my daughter. She was born with a weight of 1.43 Kg. She was in NICU for 23 days and when relived her weight was 1.87 Kg. She has been conctantly gaining weight and we are visiting doctors regularly and getting her vacinted timely.

However I am worried, as I read that chances of survival of very low birth weight clid are low. According to doctors all her tests and checks are fine and she is very active. Please suggest what precautions should I take and how to ensure that my angel grooms out well. She was born in the begining of the 9th Month. However a case of IUGR awere her growth was restricted by couple of weeks. All her body parts are active. 

The dosctors have asked for regular eye check ups..please tell me if these things are normal.

Do you have any idea, about applying to the Olympiad exams on your own, if the school do not conduct the same?

My daughter is going to a school which is new (3yr old), ICSC board. They do not conduct the Olympiad and they have no plans in future. :-((

Please suggest if there is any way to apply for these exams without school's help.

Thanks

Need urgent help with respect to my son !! Kindly give your valuable suggestion and advice !!

My 10 yr old son is studying in class 4 in I.C.S.E syllabus hence he has enough to study .We never wanted to pressurise him so till date we have not put him in any classes like drawing, karate etc.He is very sincere in his school work and does his H.W everyday without fail.

I take his studies at home and help him in his academic work.As of now he is good in academics. As the class level goes higher it is obvious that the writing and studies will be slightly more. Nowadays it is difficult to manage time at our disposal since almost 7 hours he is in school and then he needs to do his H.W , hence everyday it is just not possible to devote time for his studies.

His handwriting is getting worst day by day. When I ask him he says teachers dictates very fast hence I can't concentrate on the handwriting part which is a valid reason given by him and I understand his situation.

Yesterday he was crying when I asked him to study for his exams which is due.He says that one or two class friends of his tease him as dull and he says that they seem to be angry with me and hence I don't want to study and bring good marks otherwise my friends will be jealous and I will lose my friends since they will not like me and they may stop talking to me.

In another instance since he has a good voice,we thought of putting him to singing classes near our house for which his reaction was I will stop singing completely because If I sing nicely you will put me in classes which I don't want to go. As parents we have never forced him on anything and nor till date we have put him in any classes and he is aware of this too.
As a mother I am worried about why is he reacting so negatively most of the times ?

How can I handle this  situation tactfully without hurting my son since he is a sensitive boy.

Regards

Tanuja

Want to know, at what age children can start speaking foreign language(English), currently my son is 3.2 yrs about to complete his nursery. In his school he is expected to tell Hare and Tortoise story in english, he can to tell to me in telugu, and the teacher says he speaks very slowly in low voice. I asked her not to force him. Want to know if am I over expecting from him at that age..

As you no that my son is just one yearan we live in a small town can you suggest some books which i can read him loud or show him different pictures which would rise his interest.

Ams1612