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| achus (India) |
May 25, 2009 9:54 AM |
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Hi Aanchal,
I was just going thru completewellbeing magazine on the website...nodoubt, it provides lots of info and knowledge..
Thanks for the info!! Keep updating!
Regards,
Veena |
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| aanchal (India) |
May 12, 2009 1:13 PM |
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do read up the article in completewellbeing magazine, which talks about 'having kids'. it clarifies our reasons behind having children..first or second.
(pssst..i write for this magazine too!!)
:)
aanchal |
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| akshit (United Arab Emirates) |
May 10, 2009 4:19 PM |
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| We are in a severe dilemma over this. My son in 3.5 yrs old. I stay in Dubai. I feel my son is very lonely. I am also bit worried about how to manage 2 kids. my son has just started school. Also i am worried abt his school if I have to come back to india for delivery. Does any one know if CBSE schools in chennai give admission in between the academic years? My son is at present in Delhi public school shj. Thanks |
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| achus (India) |
May 4, 2009 11:10 AM |
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Wow!!So many valuable comments for my topic.Thanks a ton!!!
yes, truly in this modern fast growing world, everything seems to be changing fastly..As someone has correctly mentioned, this is not the same as it used to be earlier..Familly bond and relationships have taken a toll and noone has time for each other other than job.
I have a 3 year old daughter and to be honest, both me and my husband wanted a daughter and we are happy that God blessed us with a daughter! I am able to spend more time with her since I can do my projects at home.So, I feel as long as I am able to spend time with her and fulfill her needs and requirements,its ok!! We have no plans for a 2nd kid as of now..Moreover, when we think of present economic condition, we have decided to have a single kid and to bring her well with all the comforts.
Your suggestions and opinions are also welcome!
Thanks all! |
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| gauri_n (India) |
Apr 24, 2009 11:08 AM |
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Hi All,
I too have this dilemma in my mind but for now I've decided not to think of 2nd child. I have 2.5 years of daughter and we both are working as Software Professionals. Being in s/w industry we have very irregular work timings and moreover we are in hyd where we have no friends/family. My daughter stays in daycare for the whole day and we hardly get any time to spend with her. So 2nd child is out of question.
Here is my personal experience..I've an elder sister and bunch cousin sisters/brothers. Though ours was not a joint family most of my cousins were staying very near to us, so we used to meet frequently. I grew up thinking that even though they are my cousins, they are as close as my real siblings. But now I see that they have their own life and some even out of city, country. So we hardly ever talk or meet. Same with my sister also, she is very close to me and she always took a good care of me. But she too is busy in her life and issues. Nobody is really having time for each other. If tomorrow any one of us is in trouble, we may feel like helping each other but that may not be possible for us bcoz of lack of time & the distances which grew up in these days.
Summary is our life styles are changing and so the family relationships. So think of having 2nd child only if you know you can spend enough time for both of them or else try to create a bond with you one kid so that he/she won't feel lonely. As he/she grows, they will have their own world and friends their they will no longer be alone. |
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| gauri_n (India) |
Apr 24, 2009 11:08 AM |
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Hi All,
I too have this dilemma in my mind but for now I've decided not to think of 2nd child. I have 2.5 years of daughter and we both are working as Software Professionals. Being in s/w industry we have very irregular work timings and moreover we are in hyd where we have no friends/family. My daughter stays in daycare for the whole day and we hardly get any time to spend with her. So 2nd child is out of question.
Here is my personal experience..I've an elder sister and bunch cousin sisters/brothers. Though ours was not a joint family most of my cousins were staying very near to us, so we used to meet frequently. I grew up thinking that even though they are my cousins, they are as close as my real siblings. But now I see that they have their own life and some even out of city, country. So we hardly ever talk or meet. Same with my sister also, she is very close to me and she always took a good care of me. But she too is busy in her life and issues. Nobody is really having time for each other. If tomorrow any one of us is in trouble, we may feel like helping each other but that may not be possible for us bcoz of lack of time & the distances which grew up in these days.
Summary is our life styles are changing and so the family relationships. So think of having 2nd child only if you know you can spend enough time for both of them or else try to create a bond with you one kid so that he/she won't feel lonely. As he/she grows, they will have their own world and friends their they will no longer be alone. |
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| Shruthi (United States) |
Apr 22, 2009 10:31 PM |
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this is an intersting toipic! I see both sides of the coin myself. I'm the mother of a nearly two year old pondering on another one. now, whether I'll have one or not only time will tell.
I grew up with a brother and a host of cousins ( mostly brothers again) and always felt the need to have a sister! siblings, as I have seen, bond better when they're of the same sex. My brother, older by a year and 10 months, hardly ever calls me. I can however, vouch that he'd stand up for me any day..and so would I for him.
I've had/have many friends who're 3 siblings or more. they do seem to bond better in cases where all or more of them are the same sex. curiously, it's never equally balanced!! :) and there's no gaurantee your second/ third ;) will be of the same sex!
Personally, I feel that a child needs constant company...whether it comes from a sibling/cousin/friend is immaterial. Friends/cousins are not available 24/7...so the only available option is to have another kid of your own. unless groups of parents of "same aged single kids" decide to stay together in 'colonies' :D
This also leads me to another option, if we aren't only considering biological siblings : adoption |
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| aanchal (India) |
Apr 22, 2009 2:30 PM |
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hi sathya and sumo..your inputs have been very valuable
thanks a lot |
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| sathya (India) |
Apr 22, 2009 2:17 PM |
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I was a single child growing up. I did not really notice the difference when I was young but when I grew up (college and beyond), I really felt that it would be great to have had siblings. Shobha grew up in a large family with tons of cousins around her. So when we decided to have children, we always talked about having multiple kids, not just one. We have two sons now. Sumo is right. The joy multiplies!!
Some of the things we have noticed are the following. Our kids are 2 years apart in age.
1. They play well together.
2. They often play by themselves (giving you a much needed break once in a while)
3. They stand up for each other and strongly support each other. This is heartwarming most of the time and disconcerting once in a while as you wonder what will happen when they really grow up and gang up on you. :-)
4. They do have many, many disagreements
5. There is more work for us to do. That also multiplies ;-)
6. They learn a lot together. They also learn a lot from each other.
7. They can be very funny together as one thrives off the other's joy.
Overall, it has been a great positive experience for us. |
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| Sumo (India) |
Apr 21, 2009 11:09 AM |
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Hi Aanchal,
I would suggest that you sort the issues into two buckets - one is to do with the consequences of having a 2nd kid, like delay in getting back to work, etc; the more important one are the ones to do with the decision itself - like, your need to have another child (btw, there is still only a 50:50 chance for a daughter:>) or the fact that your son might feel lonely later, etc.
This helps to think clearly and take a decision without getting bogged down by other practical things; because, the practical things can always be managed, if you are clear about your decision. Even the issue of baby-sitting can be managed to a large extent, if you look around for references. You do get good nannies in Blore if you are willing to pay little more than for a regular maid.
Getting back to work may get little delayed but I feel that you have a wonderful profession which would allow to do something from home.
2nd child getting deprived of attenion - does not really happen; actually, the 1st one matures faster with the 2nd kid around. And you wont entirely ignore him - I remember this comment - when you have more kids, you dont divide love and attention, you multiply them! Obviously, this will take more of your time but that is a decision upto you.
Finally, I believe that whatever decision you take, if you are convinced about it, rest of the things will fall into place.
All the best, and you still have more time to think, as your son is only 1.7 years old now. May be you should just sit on this for some time without actively thinking about it; after some time, you may find unconsciously, you are veering towards a decision! That is what happened to me. atleast!
Cheers,
Sumo |
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| aanchal (India) |
Apr 18, 2009 9:26 PM |
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boy, m i glad someone raised this issue!!
i am going through the same dilemma..i have a 1.7 years old son..i am currently not working, but plan to resume part time when he starts going to school..i have soooooo many worries (some silly, some serious)in my head when i think of this matter:
- what if my son will feel lonely later in life (as our siblings live far off and we dont have a family get-together often)
- what if having the 2nd child now will deprive my son of the attention that he will eventually need (in more quantity and quality)when he goes to school
- when will i resume my work if i spend another 5-6 years in waiting for the 2nd one's schooling( i am 29 already and a psychotherapist..my profession takes time to form base and i certainly do not believe in day care centers)
- what if i find myself desperate to have a daughter later in life and find it's too late :(
we do not have extended family and sometimes we find it quite difficult to get chores done coz someone has to be at home with the child( you cannot take the child along everywhere!!)
any suggestions anyone? |
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| Rad_mk (India) |
Apr 17, 2009 1:49 PM |
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I go with Sumo!
Me too not planned to have another when i had my boy,but when it happened i could just see the bonding b/w them and the elder one takes the responsibility of teaching his brother lil things.That's really cute to watch!
But, i would like to add that it depends the couples to decide! |
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| Sumo (India) |
Mar 24, 2009 12:04 PM |
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Hi,
I was not too sure if second kid was necessary when I had one. Now, with 2 daughters, I feel we did a great thing. Even now, I wont use the word 'necessary' - From our experience, this is what I feel:
With daughter as the first kid, the need for a sibling is very high; Somehow girls prefer a sibling and I know of a cousin whose daughter used to say 'God has cursed me as I dont have a sister' ; finally this cousin went in for a second kid when the older one was 8 years.
And they also want a sister more than a brother!
Even in this techno world with numerous entertainment options for kids, there is nothing to substitute the joy they get in spending time with cousins or uncles/aunts. My older daughter and my nephews look forward to the vacation so much so, that once my daughter wrote in her class essay that the most cherished thing she did during vacation was to 'visit her cousins'- and this was about a vacation where we had taken her out so much and shopped quite a bit for her.
Having 2 kids also gives some time for the parents. The kids can engage themselves very often. And even if you try and go to the level of the kid, many a times, 2 kids hit it off easily than with an adult. Their take on things and how they can create humour out of ordinary situations, etc are really special and bonding at those moments is very good with siblings. And eventually, they enjoy the 'togetherness' a lot more with the sibling, or another kid, than being alone with an adult.
I really dont buy that family attachments will take a toll, due to our living style. it is just shown in different ways; and having more than a kid is a nice way to ensure that your offsprings have that pleasure too!
Cheers,
Sumathy
PS: I cannot imagine myself writing this, 4 years back! |
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