You raise your voice or say something in a stern tone and you hear from your child - "You are always shouting at me".
What you are tempted to do or say
- An overwhelming feeling comes upon you as you feel this is an unfair accusation. A deep resentment builds up inside you as you feel it is so unfair. You do so much for your child and then you hear this!!. You either become very depressed or a boiling anger works itself upward and you explode.
- You become extremely guilty and give in to the child, sometimes excessively so.
- You snap back that you are not going to do anything, anymore for your child. Imagine how this makes the poor helpless thing feel when he or she hears this blackmail.
- You argue with the child and start explaining all the things you do for the child. This can sometimes transfer the guilt back to the child, who can hardly handle it.
What you should do
- Stay calm. Read about how to keep your patience when dealing with children.
- Calm the child down. Read the techniques in this article about how to calm your child down.
- Apologize if you were indeed shouting. This can go a long way to calming your child down. And tell them that mommy and daddy are not perfect either!
- Explain to your child what behaviour of theirs you were reacting to.
- Discuss how you have some expectations of your child just like he or she has some from you. Explain how both of you can get frustrated because something each of you wants did not happen.
- Look deep within yourself about why you shout at your child. If you do this often, focus on how you can control your own anger.
- Do not immerse yourself in "guilt" and become very self critical. No parent is perfect. Just focus on how to tackle situations without unnecessary anger.